


Trustworthy

by Somethingclever



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji is Bad at Feelings, American AU, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Happy Ending, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, NYC, New York City, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:34:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 58,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29444901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somethingclever/pseuds/Somethingclever
Summary: Akaashi is a New Yorker who has vowed to never trust again. He finds himself lonely and wanting to learn to trust. Who better to teach him than a stranger who seemingly trusts too easily?
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 17
Kudos: 63





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first time doing creative writing in about 5 years, maybe more. BokuAka is my favorite ship so who better to start than with them. I don't have an editor it is just me, myself, and I.  
> I hope you'll come along this story with me. I plan on it being a long one. Enjoy!!

Akaashi wants to be more trusting of people. Do more good. He steps off the escalator to find a frail woman standing beside a CVS with greeting cards laying on the ground between a sheet and clear plastic to protect from the rain. The woman looks cold holding her arms across her stomach in her rain jacket. Guessing by her sunken cheeks and grey hair they guess she must be in her late 50s. Her tired eyes catch Akaashi's. Akaashi sighs and reminds himself "let's do more good." Akaashi approaches the woman offering their umbrella and holds it above them both. 

"Are you okay standing out here? Please take my umbrella. I have about 3 more in my apartment" holding the handle towards her. 

"Oh no no I don't need one. I just need to sell some more cards then I can go back to the YMCA" she explains. Her voice sounds weak. Not in a way that indicates a cold, but one that has lost the strength to not waiver. 

"Is there anything I can do for you? I'd like to help in some way." Akaashi asks. 

"Can you lend me your ear?" Akaashi nods and she begins. "Bless your soul." Her eyes water as she explains the details on how she was evicted from the apartment she had lived in for decades and how she was fighting in court to get it reversed so she could maintain their contract and her rent control. The toll of homelessness and going from different shelters during her legal battles made everything more difficult for her. It upset her to put everything into a bag or two and leave the rest. Most of her life, raising her family, and the memories of her now dead husband in that apartment being jammed into bags she can hold and left behind wrecked her heart. She explained she just needed $20 more to secure her position for her fight. 

Akaashi didn't believe her story. Sure he believed she was homeless and some of her family drama was probably true, but how could $20 end up turning this whole thing around?  _ "Don't be cynical," _ he told himself.  _ "Just try and trust her. You won't see her again so just believe her" _ . Akaashi decided to blame the parts not adding up on the fact that the woman was clearly upset and emotionally unstable. 

She ended her story with tears falling down her face. "Can I give you a hug?" Akaashi inquires gently. The woman nods and he hugs her as the next wave of subway riders walk past. "I'll be right back so don't go anywhere okay?" She nods back and Akaashi speed walks the two blocks back to his apartment. 

The weather was starting to turn colder so he threw two sweaters, a pair of soft gloves, a beanie, and a fistful of granola bars and other foods that didn't need to be cooked into a spare string bag and ran right back to the subway station. Sure enough the woman was still there advertising greeting cards. He taps her on the shoulder and she turns, her eyes still sad. 

Akaashi reaches out his hands, one holding the bag of goods and the other holding $35. "Here's the money for you to get everything back. I also put together some things you might like. It's not much but I hope you'll take it." Her eyes shine and her mouth forms a frown of sorts before she starts sobbing into Akaashi's chest hugging tightly. 

"You really are an angel" she sobs out, her voice shaky. "God bless you angel. Angel, what is your name?"

"Akaashi" 

"God bless you Akaashi. I can finally leave. I will pray for you. Thank you so much" 

"I can swipe you onto the subway" he gestures to the entrance. "I have an unlimited metrocard so-"

"No no that won't be necessary. I'm only going 12 blocks to the church on 87th" she interrupts. 

"Oh well this train has a stop at 86th. It's no problem really" Akaashi persists. 

"No no really. Thank you. Thank you." And she walks past the subway entrance and out of view. 

Later that evening Akaashi is cooking dinner and is mulling over the details of their interactions.  _ Why did I tell her my name. Im so dumb I should've given her a fake name. Stupid. Is there even a church on 87th? I've walked around there enough _ . Akaashi pulls out his phone and Googles "87th and lexington church" and sure enough a church pops up. Akaashi slumps over his counter and berates himself.  _ This was supposed to be me being kind and trusting and even after all that I didn't even trust enough to believe she was going to the church. Well at least that much is true. Trust better idiot _ . Akaashi sighs and continues to stir the pasta in the boiling pot feeling like his mission has failed.

\----

Akaashi wakes up to the sun beaming in from the window. He yawns and scratches his stomach under his cotton shirt. He continues to mindlessly rub at his stomach as he makes his way to his kitchen - not far being a studio apartment in New York City. His hooded eyes search for his favorite mug in the cabinet.  _ Oh right. I didn’t put away the dishes yesterday. _ He reaches to his dish drying rack and spots the light blue mug with two owls on it and starts his coffee. He looks out the window as he sips and finds the weather to look pleasant. He ate toast with blueberry jam then readied himself to walk the few avenues to central park - the green getaway from the city he liked to call it. He wore a soft dark green knitted sweater with jeans and brown ankle boots. He carried a black messenger bag that held a book, wallet, small blanket, bottled iced coffee, and a few granola bars. With that he locked his door and added his keys into his bag and left. 

The walk was enjoyable as the wind didn’t let him build a sweat from walking too fast. It was a bad habit of Akaashi’s to walk too fast to keep up with New York City’s movement and accidentally start sweating, even when he was walking leisurely. He sat under a tree on top of the blanket he used just for occasions like these and began reading. He liked the noise and shouts from the group of men playing frisbee. It served as ambiance background noise amongst the ruffling of the trees and bushes. The field was always full of people doing something; it was what drew him here to read each time. That is until-

“Heads up!” he heard a man yell right before their frisbee collided with his face. Akaashi dropped his book to his side and clutched his face with his hands. His eyes prickled with tears at the corners. He looked up when he felt a hand on his arm and a man asking between heaving breaths “Are you okay?”

Golden eyes.  _ Beautiful _ . 

“Ah shit. Your nose is bleeding.” The man took his shirt off and immediately pressed it to Akaashi’s face, pinching it at the nose. “Tilt your head back a bit,” the golden eyes instructed. When Akaashi finally registered what was happening his eyes focused on the golden ones before him.

“Wait. Isn’t this your shirt? Aren’t you going to get cold?” Akaashi asked.

“Nah I got under armor underneath, see?” He held out his other arm covered in grey athletic gear. Akaashi finally looked at the man who was helping him.  _ Strong _ , he thought. His muscles are clearly shown through his grey skin tight shirt. Black joggers to match. 

“Oh. I’m sorry for ruining your shirt.” Akaashi casts his eyes downward.

“It's alright. It's just a t-shirt. I'm sorry my friends threw a frisbee and failed to catch it before it shanked ya nose.” He let out a little chuckle. “Okay let's see how it's doing.” The man withdrew his shirt carefully and quickly called his friends over. “Can you hold this to his nose for me. I need to run to the pharmacy and get a first aid kit. His nose is cut up.” His friend hummed in agreement.

“Wait!” Akaashi shouted, “How do I know you’re not just gonna run off leaving me clutching your stinky t-shirt to my face here?”

The golden orbs squished a bit as he squinted his eyes, then he quickly dropped his phone into Akaashi’s hands. “Here. Anyone would return for their phone right? I’ll be right back.” and he started jogging to the city streets.

“You don’t even know my name! How can you trust me?” Akaashi cried.

“Don’t need to!” the man responded without turning back, just raising his hand as a farewell. 


	2. How Can He Trust?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments with your thoughts! I'd love to hear your guy's reactions

Akaashi looks wide eyed to the man holding the t-shirt to his nose. “How does he do that?”

The man with dark cropped hair just shrugs. “That’s just Bokuto for you.” A grin lifts on his face. “I’m Daichi. I would go to shake your hand but it's a little preoccupied with your nose.”

“I’ve got it, thank you” and Akaashi resumes control of the t-shirt and himself. “I’m Akaashi,” he adds a little bow of the head for politeness. 

“I’m Nishinoya! BUt you can just call me Noya” the small one says with a thumb in his chest. “This here is Suga. He’s a felon but released early for good behavior.” 

“Bite me!” the silver hair man retorted, no real bite in his tone. “I am Suga but I am /not/ a felon. I only spent the night in jail and was fined for disorderly conduct” Noya laughs and claps Suga’s back. 

“Damn this thing did a number on you huh?” A man with messy black hair says as he picks up the forgotten frisbee. “Kuroo,” he says with a nod up. Akaashi nods with a hum.

_ What a full bunch. Seems like they have fun together. Joking around even during introductions.  _ Akaashi smiles slightly underneath the t-shirt. He then diverts his attention to the phone in his hand. The case was a sparkly yellow with a volleyball pop socket in the center. The screen had one clean crack on the bottom right. “So, uh, does Bokuto always leave his phone with strangers?”

“Not just his phone. His keys, his credit cards, his entire wallet sometimes, his keys-” Kuroo was cut off.

“It seems like just about anything really,” Daichi stops Kuroo’s list.

“H-How? Does he not care about these things? Or the consequences they bear if stolen?” Akaashi chastises. 

“No, he cares about them just as much as everybody else,” Noya answers.

“People have ran off with them before. He just deals with it and reports the stolen cards. He was really upset one time because he was so close to a free pastry on a punch card when he handed someone his wallet.” Kuroo added. 

“That’s what he was worried about?” Akaashi was floored. 

“Mhmm,” Kuroo hummed. “Although now that you're holding his phone it's really easy to add your number.” 

“Huh? I’m not going to invade his phone. That’s wrong.” Akaashi answered confused.

Noya grabbed the frisbee from Kuroo’s hands and beckoned everyone to go back to throwing it around, leaving just Kuroo and Akaashi. 

“C’mon here,” Kuroo sat next to him and unlocked the phone with a swipe.  _ No password _ Akaashi noted. Apps littered the screen. Kuroo opened the contacts and pushed it towards Akaashi. It was then that he spotted spiked hair running towards them. Akaashi chose to wave his free hand instead of taking the phone back.

“Hey hey hey I’m back. Alright out of the way,” he pushed Kuroo lightly and he moved back. He carried a small plastic bag that looked heavier than just a first aid kit. “Alright how’re you doing?” 

“I think the bleeding stopped. I haven't checked at all.” and he pulled the t-shirt back to reveal the bleeding had stopped but he was covered in dry blood, even his hands. 

Bokuto reached out his hand “Alright first we gotta clean it off. Lets go over there” he gestured with his head.

Akaashi stood up by himself, rejecting the outstretched hand and moved five paces away from his blanket, eyeing his bag to ensure nobody was rifling through it. Bokuto pulled out a large water bottle and Akaashi held his hand out together in a cup. Bokuto filled his hands as Akaashi rubbed the blood off, transitioning to cradle water to his face to clear his chin, lips, and nose. He noticed a bump on his nose that wasn’t there before.

“Use my t-shirt to dry your face. The non-bloody parts of it, that is.” A sheepish grin lifting his face. “I got some hydrogen peroxide for the cut and some bandages. Lean forward so I don’t spill any on your shirt.” Akaashi did so and hissed when the hydrogen peroxide hit his cut. “I know this part sucks so much. But!” He retrieved a bandage and placed it on Akaashi’s nose as he said “it’ll all be better when the cut doesn’t get infected.” A bright smile now beaming at Akaashi.

“Thank you” Akaashi bowed and went back to his things. He didn’t like leaving his things unsupervised. Akaashi picked up his book and noticed there was blood on the cover and many of the pages.

“I’m so sorry. I hit your face AND ruined your book!” Bokuto whined.

“It’s okay I have plenty of books. Please don’t worry.” Akaashi dismissed.

“Let me make it up to you!” Bokuto beamed.

Akaashi held a pensive look, then sighed. “Let me get this straight. You ruined your shirt to help a stranger, then handed your phone to a stranger, then bought first aid supplies for a stranger, and now you want to go hang out somewhere with a stranger?”  _ How could someone lack that much self preservation? _

“Well,” Bokuto twisted his foot into the ground and looked down, “it was all for the /same/ stranger.”

“A stranger you still don’t know the name of.” Akaashi pointed out.

“Oh! Well I’d get your name when you add your contact into my phone!” Bokuto shot back up.

“And why would I be doing that?”

“So I can text you the details of our hangout!”

Akaashi bit the inside of his lip. Bokuto had a smile plastered on his face.

“Why did you even give me your phone in the first place?”

“Well I needed my wallet to get the supplies.” He said it like it was obvious.

“No, I mean,” Akaashi sighed, “why would you give any stranger your phone? How could you trust they wouldn’t just take it?”

“You wanted to make sure I’d come back to you. It was collateral. You felt better knowing I was coming back to you, right? That’s why.”

Akaashi’s eye glowed. Bokuto was not only very trusting, but he will do anything to make people feel comfortable. Wanted even, perhaps. 

“Akaashi.”

“Hm?” Bokuto’s head turned sideways.

“Akaashi. My name is Akaashi.”

“Nice to meet you Akaashi. I’m sorry you got hit with our frisbee. You might have racoon eyes tomorrow. But we can hang out whenever you’re feeling better!” He smiled again. Akaashi returned the smile this time.

Akaashi went to Kuroo and held out his hand. “Can I see Bokuto’s phone please?” Kuroo cracked a crooked smirk and handed him the sparkly yellow phone. He returned to Bokuto and held it out toward him. “I believe this is yours.”

Bokuto unlocked the phone and saw Akaashi’s contact already added. Somehow his smile got even wider. “I’ll definitely text you!” 

Akaashi hummed and bowed before looking into those golden eyes again.  _ So sincere. How does he do it? _ “I’ll see you later.” Akaashi packed his things and headed back to his apartment. 

\---

Akaashi couldn’t stop thinking about Bokuto. How selfless he was, how trusting he was. He was washing his hair as he went through the list he made of Bokuto’s examples of trust.  _ Without hesitation used his shirt to stop my bleeding, left me his phone, got medical supplies, aided me in cleaning my injuries, no passcode on his phone, all the other times he has given people his keys, wallet, credit cards. How could he trust people so easily - strangers so easily.  _ He returned to his bed in another cotton shirt and boxer briefs and checked his phone for the last time before plugging it to charge overnight.

**Unknown Number:** Hey hey hey!!! Sorry again for getting you hurt today :( when do you have time? My schedule is flexible so you let me know when is good for you

**Unknown Number:** This is Bokuto btw

Akaashi smiled in the light of his phone.

**Akaashi:** I can meet you Tuesday after 2:30pm. Is that okay?

**Bokuto:** Yeah!! Perfect :D ill text you where to meet up is that okay?

Akaashi would normally ask for more details, but decides if Bokuto has trusted him this much already, he can return some of that trust here.

**Akaashi:** Sure. Goodnight Bokuto

**Bokuto:** night!! Sweet dreams!!! <3 

\--

Akaashi awoke to the singing of his alarm, though he would describe it as yelling. He groaned and shut it off before stretching his two arms above him as he sat up and yawned. He walked into his kitchen to start his coffee and toast. He yawns again when he smells the coffee pour and hears the toast spring up. He scrapes strawberry jam onto the toast before sitting at the small table in the kitchen. When he finishes his breakfast he uses the bathroom and that's the first time Akaashi catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror. 

_ “You might have racoon eyes tomorrow”  _ he remembers Bokuto saying. He was right. Dark purple and blue line the inner corners of his eyes next to the bridge of his nose. He sighs before opening the mirror and retrieving a bandaid. He covers his cut, brushes his teeth, and dresses for work.  _ Monday’s suck _ . He leaves the apartment and locks it behind him. The sun is still bright but the air is cold. Akaashi decides to ride the train two stops instead of walking because of the frigid cold and quickly arrives at the public library. 

“Good morning Akaashiiii~” a familiar voice sings.

“Good morning Oikawa.” Akaashi drops his bag in the back room.

“You don’t look so good. Did ya get in a fight? You don’t seem like the fighting type though Akaashi.” 

“Not everyone can look as good as you do at 7:30 in the morning Oikawa.” It truly was a wonder how Oikawa managed to make his skin glow at this time and have his hair placed perfectly every morning.

“You flatter me,” Oikawa places a hand on his chest. “Really though, how did you manage to end up with a bandaid and a bruise?”

“Frisbee to the face in the park yesterday while I was reading.” Akaashi spoke flatly and moved his way to begin counting the cashier drawers. 

“Ouch. Was the frisbee cute?” 

“Oikawa.”

“Oh come on! When was the last time you had your eyes on someone? Or went on a date? I swear I am your only friend sometimes.” Oikawa whined.

“You’re my coworker.” Akaashi placed the bills in the drawer and pushed coins out of their cardboard rolls.

“How mean. And here I was thinking we were best friends,” he stuck his nose in the air and dramatically wiped his eye of a fake tear.

Akaashi smiled. This was their relationship. Akaashi kept Oikawa at arms length and Oikawa pretended to be upset by it. Oikawa really was Akaashi’s best friend. All of Akaashi’s friends worked in this building with the exception of one family friend. Akaashi redirected his attention to the return books pile and began organizing them.

The day moved slowly. Not many people visited during the day time during the week. Around lunch time he goes to the cafe and socializes with his coworkers, Yamaguchi, Asahi, and Yachi. Asahi was great at making drinks but not shouting them out. Luckily he never had to worry because it was never super busy. Yamaguchi is easy to talk to when he takes orders. Yachi takes her break from making drinks around the same time as Akaashi takes his from the library. They sit at the same table but rarely exchange conversation. At most it is just check-ins. They care for another but Akaashi is too polite and doesn’t trust people with his intimate life and Yachi is too nervous. 

“Good afternoon Akaa- OH MY GOSH!!!” Yachi exclaims today.

The others turn to see Akaashi entering. Akaashi sighs “Don’t worry it wasn’t a fight. Just got hit by a frisbee in the park yesterday. Please ignore it. It’ll go away soon.” They all hummed in agreement and enjoyed their silence again.

It was nearing closing time when Oikawa approached Akaashi, now closing the registers. “I got you a little something!” Oikawa squealed. He held up a cream color corrector wheel and a tube of light concealer. “Now you don’t have to scare away customers anymore! Use the yellow corrector for now until the bruise fades and put this on top.” He put the makeup back in the plastic bag and handed it to Akaashi.

“Thanks. I’ll add that to my routine tomorrow morning.” 

The library closed and Akaashi dragged his feet to his apartment from the subway. He collapsed on his bed in a cotton shirt and boxer briefs. His phone pings on the table.

**Bokuto:** Ill see you tm! Meet me at the 76th street station for the Q train. 2:30pm

**Akaashi:** Okay. Goodnight Bokuto. 

**Bokuto:** Sweet dreams!!! :) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you'll leave a comment with things you like and dislike :)


	3. An Exciting Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa notices that Akaashi has a new friend, and Akaashi realizes he doesn't have to be lonely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I don't have an update schedule, but I want to put out chapters as quickly as I can. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Leave a comment! <3

Akaashi wakes up before his alarm - a rare occurrence.  _ When was the last time I woke before my alarm? It’s been years I think. Hmmm… _ Akaashi ponders while he does the mundane tasks of starting his coffee, spreading jam on his toast. As he finishes his breakfast a lightbulb shines above his head.  _ It was when I graduated college. I was so excited I beat my alarm. That must have been two years ago now. Does that mean I’m excited and looking forward to something today? Nothing extraordinary is planned for today. Odd coincidence then. _ Akaashi dismisses his thoughts as he finishes preparing for the day.  _ Oikawa said to use yellow and then put this on top. _ Akaashi dips his finger into the cream color corrector and spreads it over his bruises. He twists the cap of the concealer revealing an applicator. He dots it on top of the yellow and then uses his fingers to tap it in and blend into his skin. Approving his work, he dresses and adds a shirt to his bag to change into for later. He locks his door and decides he’ll walk to work today since it is relatively nice out.

Oikawa saunters to the counter as Akaashi is counting the register. “Oh my, you actually used it! It looks great! Have you done makeup before? I’m shocked at how good it looks, Akaash.”

“No, you know I haven’t. Thank you for the products. But please don’t give me weird nicknames like ‘Akaash’” Oikawa pouts and leans against the counter with his elbows supporting him.

“No fun,” and he blows a raspberry at Akaashi. “You’d look killer with winged eyeliner.” Akaashi rolls his eyes and continues counting. “I want to call you by a nickname to show just how close we are though!” 

Akaashi stiffens for a moment but relaxes so as to not raise suspicion from his perceptive friend. “That isn’t necessary. We are still friends even if we don’t have nicknames for each other.”

“Ugh,” Oikawa sighs. “If you keep rejecting me I’m going to start thinking you don’t like me Akaashi.”

“You think if I don’t call you something special you’ll finally leave me alone?” Akaashi teased.

“Mean!” Oikawa slaps Akaashi’s arm as they both chuckle.

\---

Akaashi finishes his shift at two and changes out of his work shirt into a tan knitted sweater. Considering he had 30 minutes until his hangout he decides to sit in the cafe and enjoy a coffee and book. However, he miscalculated the time and forgot that this was when Oikawa took his breaks.

“What are you still doing here Akaash?”

_ Dammit. How do I keep Oikawa from knowing I am meeting with the “cute frisbee”. I don’t want him to know.  _ “I can’t enjoy a book and coffee? It's a pretty popular pastime for people.” 

“Yeah but you even changed your shirt. What’s up with that? And don’t people try to leave their workplace as soon as possible?’ Oikawa’s eyes squeezed and it felt like they were trying to squeeze information out of Akaashi. 

He started fumbling his fingers together, trying to web together a lie. “The cafe can get cold so I-”

“And you didn’t even scold me using a nickname. What are you hiding?”

Akaashi’s eyes are darting between his book, his coffee, and his problem - Oikawa. Akaashi stutters a few “Well, I- uhm. It- eh, I-” and then there was a squeal and a crash. 

“I am so so sorry oh my gosh. Are you okay?” Asahi’s face was white as he questioned the shorter man. 

“ _ Saved by the bell” _ Akaashi thought.

The shorter man began laughing. “You should have seen your face!” He managed to get out in his laughing fit. The man grabs napkins from the counter and starts wiping at his shirt and then placing them on the counter to absorb the dropped coffee. “For such a big and scary looking dude you’re such a scaredy cat aren’t you?!”

Asahi’s face changed from white to pink. “I’ll remake your drink for you.” It was then that Yamaguchi stepped in with a mop and other cleaning supplies. 

Akaashi realizes the opportunity before him and would be damned to miss it. “You’re right Oikawa. I’ll be going now.” and leaves before Oikawa can regroup from the accident in front of him. 

Akaashi arrives at the station and checks his phone. It reads 2:27pm. Akaashi decides to send an “I’m here” text but before he can type the message he hears an enthusiastic “hey hey hey!”. He looks up to find Bokuto with his arms stretched out to the sides with a smile stretched just as far. Even in a simple black hoodie and sneakers he oozes confidence whereas Akaashi is turned in on himself with his shoulders hunched forward slightly. He puts his phone away and waves his hand. Anxious to know what Bokuto has planned he starts the conversation.

“Hello Bokuto. How are you?”

“The best! How’s your nose?” Bokuto leans in to examine, far closer than a stranger should. “It looks like it's healing well.”

Akaashi pushes him back gently by his chest and turns his head to the side, slightly flushed. “It’s okay. It bruised like you said but I covered it with makeup.” 

“Wow I couldn’t even tell you were wearing any makeup! I’m sorry it bruised though.” He deflated a little, feeling the guilt of hurting Akaashi.

“It's in the past. So, where are we headed?” Akaashi prodded.

“This way!” Bokuto grabbed Akaashi’s wrist and pulled him.

Akaashi yanked back his hand. Bokuto stopped and turned to face Akaashi who wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Please do not drag me places. I’ll follow you.”

Bokuto stood still with his eyes starting to glass over. “Sorry,” he spoke softly, “I should have known better.”

A silence fell on them as Bokuto stared at Akaashi while Akaashi stared at the ground. After a moment Akaashi looked back up in a squinting smile, obviously forced which Bokuto noticed. “Well then let's go to our destination shall we?” Akaashi began walking in the direction Bokuto had started in and they fell into a steady pace. A short walk later they stopped in front of an all too familiar building.  _ No way. It can't be! Why here?  _

“We’re here!” Bokuto seemed to be back to normal. Akaashi appeared calm, but confused. “You sorta bled all over the book you were reading in the park so I figured I should replace it. It doesn’t have to be the same book, unless of course you want it to be, but get whatever books you want! This is the first stop for today.” Bokuto’s smile felt more genuine than the one he started his sentence with. 

_ If only he knew that I could read any of these books whenever I wanted. I don’t want him to know where I work though. What if he starts to come here just for me? What if he uses it to hurt me somehow? I can’t have that. I’ll just have to be quick and stay out of Oikawa’s way. No way I’ll let him see me with a guy let alone the frisbee guy. OIkawa’s break should end in about 10 minutes and he likes to organize the display tables when he’s done. I just have to avoid the displays. _ “Thank you. That’s very thoughtful Bokuto.” 

“I don’t read books a lot so I can’t really recommend anything or help you find the genre you like.” 

“That’s okay. I’m very familiar with libraries.” Akaashi snorts to himself. “You know, because I like to read.”

“Lead the way!” Bokuto gestures to the door dramatically holding one hand out, the other to his chest, and a small bow at the waist.

They enter and Akaashi quickly surveys locations. The afternoon cafe shift seems to have made their transition because Yamaguchi and Asahi were replaced. Oikawa was still seated in the cafe engrossed in his phone.  _ Good. _ Akaashi leads Bokuto to the back where there were scattered displays. Akaashi pretends to browse as if he hadn’t shelved some of these books today while Bokuto actually surveys the different titles. Every now and then Bokuto would beam to Akaashi making a play-on-words joke using the title of a book. Akaashi was surprised to find himself amused. Akaashi was genuinely laughing. It was exciting. Scary. Akaashi had to remind himself to not get carried away by playfulness. He shouldn’t let himself be fooled by the surface level personality Bokuto portrayed. Who knows what Bokuto is really like. 

“Welcome!” a voice sings. Akaashi tenses. “Is there anything I can help you with today?”

“No thank you.” Akaashi’s voice squeezes as he meets mischievous brown eyes. “Lets go check out over there.” Akaashi grabs Bokuto’s wrist and speed walks down a few aisles to the poetry section. Though, he can feel eyes boring into his back. “Can you give me one moment Bokuto?”

“Sure,” Bokuto hummed before looking at books again. 

_ That easy? I didn’t even have to think of an excuse? _ Akaashi doubles back to Oikawa who is wearing a smug grin. “Leave me alone.”

“What’s this? Is Akaash angry that I saw him with a hunk of a man even though he brought him to my workplace? It seems like you didn’t even want me to see you two together. If you didn’t want me seeing why’d you bring him here” Oikawa teases.

“I didn’t bring him here. He brought me here to replace the book that was ruined when my nose bled all over my book from his frisbee.” Akaashi glares.

Oikawa gasps and almost squeals “Is this cute frisbee guy!? It’s a good thing you covered up those nasty bruises. What would you do without me.”

“Shut up! Don’t be so loud he could hear you. And I never said he was cute. You added that by yourself.”

“Your blush said he was cute though.” Oikawa giggles and Akaashi pinches his arm which warrants a high pitched “EEP”.

“I said to be quiet!” Akaashi growls. “I don’t trust him to know where I work so don’t say anything and don’t stalk us you creep.”

“Fine, fine. I won’t say anything. I promise.” Oikawa holds out his pinky.

Akaashi links their pinkies, but keeps the same intensity in his hooded eyes. “You don’t know me, I don’t work here, and don't follow us.” Oikawa nods affirmatively. Akaashi sighs, releasing his shoulders he didn’t realize were nearing his ears. “Thank you”

“I’ll be expecting all the details tomorrow though! Have fun!” Oikawa winks and throws up a peace sign with his tongue stuck out his tongue before shelving books Akaashi didn’t even notice he was holding.

“Everything okay? You looked a little tense.” Bokuto asked when Akaashi returned.

“Yeah everythings fine. No worries.” Akaashi turns back to the shelves and picks up a poetry book with a peach color. “Home Body by Rupi Kaur.” A small smile finds its way to Akaashis lips. “I’m ready to check out.” Akaashi turns his head to Bokuto. He is open to a random page in “The Darkness Between Stars” by Atticus Poetry. His eyes are focused. He cracks a quick smile and then looks up. He blushes and quickly covers his face with one hand and holds the book open in the other. “What is it?” Akaashi tilts his head.

“Ah. It’s just this poem reminds me of you.” He hands Akaashi the book.

_ Some things in life _

_ like some people _

_ are not meant _

_ to be fully understood. _

_ so for now _

_ it’s best _

_ we call them miracles. _

Akaashi feels a pang of guilt.  _ Of course he doesn’t understand me. I freak out when he grabs my wrist but then I go and grab his. I excuse myself with no explanation and return just as secretive. Who could understand me.  _ Akaashi looks up and Bokuto is still blushing. “I’m sorry.” Akaashi says weakly.

Bokuto snaps out of his embarrassment. “Sorry? You have nothing to be sorry for!”

“But… the poem..”

“It means you’re a miracle!” Bokuto bursts. 

Akaashi’s eyes widen and his mouth parts.  _ Did he just say.... I’m a miracle? Did we read the same poem?  _ Akaashi rereads the poem in his hands. Then rereads it again. He looks back up, his eyes blown wide still. “You think I- I’m a miracle?”

Bokuto nods his head furiously. His face returned red from embarrassment after his outburst.  _ Cute _ . Bokuto clears his throat and takes the book from Akaashi’s hand and tucks it under his strong arm. “You said you were ready to check out?” Akaashi nods. “Alright let's go to the register then.” He takes a few turns before turning back to Akaashi scratching the back of his head. “Uhh, I don’t know where the register is. I’m kinda lost,” Bokuto confesses. 

Akaashi giggles to himself. “This way.”

\---

Akaashi and Bokuto are walking along the path next to the Hudson river satisfied with their new books. “This is the running path I like to jog most days. It’s always so beautiful, especially when the sun is setting or rising.” 

“I have to agree it is beautiful even when the sun is just shining like this.” Akaashi adds. 

“It really helps me clear my mind and also get rid of some energy. Two birds with one stone ha!” Bokuto threw his head back in amusement, then took a deep breath. He exhaled slowly. Akaashi notices how Bokuto has closed his eyes just feeling the breeze. Bokuto lowers his head back down and opens his eyes. “What are some of your hobbies Akaashi?” 

“I mostly read.” A prepared answer for casual small talk Akaashi is accustomed to. 

“Oh. I guess I could have figured that out by the way I met you hahaha.” His laugh sounds forced. “What else do you like to do? Do you play video games, or do any sports?”

“I watch documentaries.” 

Bokuto has a pensive look with his face scrunched up. “Well today I’m going to broaden your horizons.” He triumphantly places his fists on his hips and splits his face with a broad smile.

As nervous as Akaashi is by Bokuto’s cryptic statement, he can’t help the upturn of the corners of his mouth. 

\---

“Dave and Busters?”

“Dave and Busters!” Akaashi gives a look to Bokuto. “Oh come on Akaashi, let’s go eat something and play some games.”

They go inside and eat dinner. Bokuto got boneless wings and Akaashi got a chicken wrap. Akaashi insists Bokuto pick their first game because he has little experience with arcade games. They play pac man and Bokuto shares a story of when his sister had a birthday party here and she got mad that Bokuto got a higher score than her. They play some more games before Bokuto asks if anything is catching his eye. Akaashi points at a silver platform indicating none other than DDR (Dance Dance Revolution). They run over and put in their coins. Sandstorm begins to play as they begin stepping on the arrows and lights are flashing. Akaashi is surprised to be having this much fun. “Watch this!” Bokuto calls out as he starts to spin while still pressing the correct arrows. He stays with his back to the screen while craning his neck to look at the screen. Akaashi giggles and then copies Bokuto, with a little less success. They’re both laughing by the time the song ends. 

“Again!” Akaashi laughs, rolling the sleeves of his sweater up. 

Bokuto raises the difficulty settings and selects another upbeat song. They’re bouncing up and down in time with the song. Their faces build a thin coat of sweat as Bokuto sheds his sweatshirt and throws it over the silver bar behind him. They play song after song until Bokuto notices people waiting at the side of the game. Bokuto taps Akaashi’s shoulder and gestures to the people waiting and then nods his head to the side indicating an open table. Akaashi follows. “I’ll be right back.” 

Akaashi didn’t realize just how much he missed having fun because he spent so long focusing on reasons to not trust someone. Akaashi dropped his head onto his crossed arms over the table.  _ What have I missed out on? My entire college experience? Classmates that could have become lifelong friends? Meaningful bonds with professors?  _ He closed his eyes to force back the tears. 

Bokuto returns with glasses of water, but stops to look at Akaashi bent over the table. He looked sad by the way his shoulders shook.  _ Maybe he’s just tired. _ Bokuto approaches pushing the cold water against the bare forearms Akaashi leaned on. “I’m sure we could use these before playing something else. Are you enjoying it here?” Akaashi hums and tips the water back. “My parents would take my sisters and me here especially on rainy days. I had a lot of energy and it kept my parents from going insane.”

“Why’d you choose here if it is a nice day out?”

“Well. I didn’t know what things you would like, besides books, and if I took you to the movies I wouldn’t get to talk to you like I get to now. I also wouldn’t get to see you smile and have as much fun. Everyone has fun at Dave and Busters. There’s a game for everyone.” 

Akaashi’s blush reached his ears. Thankfully he can push the blame onto having exercised just before. He takes another sip of water. “It was a good choice. I’m having fun.”

It's now Bokuto’s turn to blush. He gulps the rest of his water before slamming it down onto the table. “Alright. How about another music rhythm game?” Akaashi nods and Bokuto directs him to Guitar Hero. 

They play a few songs before a queue forms before bouncing to mario kart and roller coaster simulator along with other games. Bokuto wins a brown teddy bear with a blue bow because it reminds him of Akaashi. Feeling cheeky, Akaashi wins a pink bunny for Bokuto “because it reminds him of Bokuto”. 

They walk to the train station and Bokuto offers to walk Akaashi home. Akaashi refuses even though Bokuto pouts and persists. Akaashi waits for Bokuto to board a train before starting his own journey home. He doesn’t want Bokuto to know which direction he lives in. 

Akaashi floats into his apartment and strips down to a cotton shirt and underwear. He sends one last text before crawling into bed. Hugging the bear as he buries the wide smile into the top of its head, he falls asleep before his phone pings. 

**Akaashi:** Goodnight Bokuto. Thank you for today. I had a lot of fun. Maybe we can meet at a cafe and read our books together?

**Bokuto:** Id love that!!! Do you think you could help me with the words i dont know?? 


	4. Halloween

“Sooooooo how was your date with cute frisbee guy?” Oikawa sang. 

“It wasn’t a date.” Akaashi blanky denied. After a beat he adds, “It was fun.” He couldn’t hide the smile on his face. He really did have fun with Bokuto. So much so that he asked to see him again.

Oikawa squeals with joy as he suddenly rushes a hug which Akaashi quickly rejects. “I’m so happy for you! So what did you guys do? You started here. Where to next?”

“We went on a walk by the Hudson. He said he usually runs there during the week. Then we went to Dave and Busters to eat and play arcade games.” Akaashi recounts. Akaashi’s face is twisted in confusion.

“Why are you making that face then? You said you had a great time?” Oikawa turns his head in confusion.

“I don’t know. He just shared too much information about himself and his family than he should. It bothers me.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” Oikawa plops his chin into his hand.

“He just shared anything that came to his mind. Things I wouldn’t even tell my parents.” Akaashi’s eyes were focused on nothing, just staring out at the quiet library. “It’s like he doesn’t think of how it could all come back to hurt him.”

“Well maybe he doesn’t think you’d hurt him.” Satisfied, Oikawa pushes off the counter to do another task, hoping he has struck a chord in Akaashi.

\---

The next few weeks fly by. It was easy when Akaashi was spending time with Bokuto. They often met at a cafe to read their books. Akaashi would notice how often Bokuto would finish a page and then steal a glance at Akaashi.  _ Does he see me in a lot of the poems he reads? He’s looking quite often.  _ Bokuto talks most of the time with Akaashi humming or laughing along until they decide to read their books. A particular poem Akaashi reads makes him stop breathing. He sucked in little spurts of air to settle the tears that were clawing their way up.

_ Don’t ask me why I didn’t leave _

_ he made my world so small _

_ i couldn’t see the exit _

_ I’m surprised I got out at all _

_ -Rupi Kaur _

Bokuto brushed his thumb on Akaashi’s cheek and reassured him it was okay to cry. When Bokuto asked to see the poem Akaashi shut his book and put it away to nurse his coffee instead. Bokuto took the opportunity to read one of the poems from his book aloud to Akaashi.

_ There is no safer place I know _

_ than tucked _

_ in a corner _

_ of a cafe in Paris _

_ with a bottle of rosé  _

_ and an afternoon to spare _

_ -Atticus Poetry _

Akaashi slowly untrained his gaze from his cup up to the shining golden eyes so gently assuring him he is safe. “Thank you,” Akaashi whispered before training his eyes on his coffee and sipping, but this time with a blush on his face. 

\---

It is now Halloween and Akaashi doesn’t know how he ended up accepting an invitation to visit Bokuto’s apartment for a party, dressed up as a vampire too. He sighs until he gains the courage to pull his fist from his side and knock on the door. It swings open and the sound of laughter and music ring through his ears as the smell of pizza surrounds him. “Welcome!” Bokuto cheers. 

_ He dressed up as a bear? Adorable. The brown ear headband is too cute, though I wonder how he managed to slick his hair up even with that in his hair.  _ “Thank you for having me,” Akaashi greets as he enters the doorway.

Bokuto stood still for a moment with his mouth hung open. He shakes his head and turns “Hey everyone! Akaashi’s here!!” Everyone gave their own cheer. Akaashi wonders why he feels overwhelmed, but holds up his hand to wave at the party. 

Kuroo saunters over wearing a black fur vest with nothing underneath exposing his toned body. He has a black belt holding up his jeans that has a black tail attached. “Make yourself at home. Drinks are over there and pizza in the kitchen.” And with that, he turns to walk back toward the beer pong table, but stops to add, “The eyeliner is a nice touch, dontcha think Bo?” He winks and then joins the game. 

With both of them cherry red Bokuto offers a drink which Akaashi accepts. Akaashi watches intently to make sure nothing is being slipped in without him knowing as Bokuto combines cranberry juice with vodka and orange juice. “Red, just like the blood a vampire would drink.” 

Akaashi gives a small smile and takes a sip. “It's tasty. Thank you.”

Bokuto rubs the back of his neck and chuckles through a nervous smile. “Why don’t I show you around, huh?” Bokuto knows not to grab Akaashi’s wrist this time and gives him a tour. He points to one room indicating that it's his, then walks to the other side of the apartment. “That’s Kuroo and Kenma’s room. They’ve been together forever. I’d feel like a third wheel if it were any other couple, but it's nice with them.” He turns around to the other door and knocks. “This room is Kenma’s gaming room.” He opens the door and it is lit by the huge monitor screen that Kenma sits in front of, LED lights shining orange around the room, along with a ring light to light up kenma’s face. Kenma is wearing black sweatpants and an oversized black hoodie with cat ears. 

“Oh. Hi?” Kenma greets, kind of confused.

“This is Akaashi. Akaashi, this is Kenma. He’s streaming right now.” 

“Nice to meet you.” Akaashi bows his head. “Sorry for interrupting.”

“It’s okay. Bokuto won’t shut up about you. I’ve been looking forward to meeting you.” Kenma gives a small smirk. Whether it's because he's actually happy to meet Akaashi or if it's because he got to tease Bokuto, Akaashi isn’t sure. “I’ll be out later when I’m done streaming.” 

With that Akaashi and Bokuto wave and shut the door behind them.

“I need a team to actually put up a challenge. I’m done sweeping the floor, it's getting boring!” The silver haired man is tossing a ping pong ball up and catching it in his hand repeatedly. 

“Not as boring as dressing up as your man’s job” Kuroo retorts.

“I won’t hesitate to use my sexy handcuffs Kuroo” he teases as he twirls silver cuffs around his finger. 

“Just because you're a ‘sexy cop’ doesn’t make all the police gear sexy Suga.” The man dressed up as Santa next to him reprimanded.

“I don’t know about that, Daichi. Do you want me to show ya?” Suga leaned into Daich’s chest grabbing the front of his costume.

Gagging noises and cries of “gross” and “get a room” were thrown at the couple who were giggling. Akaashi and Bokuto were now joined with everyone and Bokuto looked over to Akaashi.

“What do you say? Beer pong partner?” Akaashi thinks it over, but nods yes anyway. “Hey we’ll take you on!” Bokuto roars over everyone.

“I don’t think we’ve met. Iwaizumi.” The man dressed as a zombie reaches out his hand.

“Akaashi.” They shake hands and then help reset the table.

“Geez you’re all too formal.” A familiar energetic voice radiates beside them. Akaashi recognizes the blonde tuft of hair poking through the fabric of his mummy costume. 

“Game on.” Suga widens his stance shifting his weight between his feet. He tosses the ball and it swirls in the middle cup for a moment before Bokuto blows into it sending the ping pong ball flying.

Akaashi doesn’t know how to play, but he hopes to pick up the rules silently as they play.  _ If the ball doesn’t sink immediately, you can blow it out. Each player tosses one at a time. _ Daichi’s toss hits the rim of a cup and Akaashi catches it before it hits the floor. Bokuto sinks in the first cup and Suga and Daichi sip their drinks before moving the cups out of the way.  _ Nobody has bounced the ball on the table. I guess you have to toss it straight into the cups only. _ Akaashi tosses the ball with a high arc and hits a rim then bounces into the next cup. Bokuto cheers and gives Akaashi a double high five. 

The game continues and it is a pretty even match. Suga blows a few shots out before they settle. Bokuto and Akaashi try to blow out the same toss and their faces got a little too close to each other and they were too embarrassed to stop swirling shots for a while after that. Each team was down to one cup standing. Akaashi overthrows on his turn while Bokuto’s toss was too short. Daichi and Suga do their “single cup ritual” (they kiss each other’s hand that cups the ping pong ball) and Daichi sinks it. Bokuto reassures Akaashi, and himself, that it’ll be fine if Suga misses his shot because then they can try for redemption. Suga tosses and the ball spins within the cup. Akaashi acts fast and leans down to blow the ball out but it is too late. Daichi lifts Suga and they spin while everyone on the sideline cheers. Bokuto and Akaashi take a sip of their drinks. Everyone high fives for a good game and they party moves to the dance floor. 

“Can you hold my drink for me Bokuto? I’m going to go to the bathroom.” Akaashi asks. Bokuto accepts with no hesitation and Akaashi makes his way to the bathroom.  _ If he can pass this test then maybe I can stand to trust him more. _ Akaashi washes his hands focusing on his nail polish, then returns to Bokuto. “Thank you.” Bokuto says something but Akaashi doesn’t hear, too focused on his test. He swirls his finger around in his drink, trying and failing to look natural doing so, and then removes his finger.  _ No color change. _ Akaashi licks off his finger and sips his drink reluctantly.  _ Tastes the same. _ Akaashi looks around feeling like he’s being suspicious and locks eyes with brown ones on the dance floor. Akaashi flees into the kitchen saying he’s getting pizza. Bokuto goes to the dance floor when he sees Kenma has joined the party.

“So how’s your night going” a strong voice inquires.

_ Daichi. _ “It is fun. You and Suga make a good team.”

Daichi chuckles. “Thanks. You and Bokuto made a good match too.”

Akaashi didn’t know how to take that. Did he mean as beer pong partners or is he indicating something more romantic. Unsure, Akaashi opted to take a bite of pizza instead. 

Daichi repositioned himself so he was forcibly in Akaashi’s eye sight. “So how are things between you and Bokuto?”

Akaashi shrugged. “Fine, I guess.” Vague is something Akaashi aims for when it comes to answering things about his personal life.  _ Don’t give people too much. _

“Just fine?” Daichi cocks an eyebrow.

Akaashi scrunches his eyebrows in return. “Yes? Is there a reason you’re asking me this? I’m sure Bokuto would be more willing.”

“That’s just the thing. I want to know what you want with Bokuto. Do you want a relationship with him or are you just leading him on?”

“I don’t like what you’re accusing me of.” Akaashi knows Daichi wasn’t accusing him, his tone indicated so, but Akaashi couldn’t help but get defensive.

“I’m not accusing you Akaashi, I promise. I just want to look out for Bo. I don’t want his kindness to be taken advantage of. I’ve seen it happen more than you know.” He lets out a sigh and dips his head. “So please, Akaashi, what is your relationship to Bokuto?” He lifts his head to meet Akaashi’s eyes.

“We are friends.” 

“Okay.” Daichi straightens up. “Another thing. Suga saw you check your drink. You don’t need to feel like that here. This isn’t some club with a bunch of randos. Suga told me not to mention it, but I just wanted you to know. You can relax here.”

“Okay.” Akaashi answered quickly, knowing very well that he would not let down his guard. Though, for a second, he found himself releasing all tension when he watched Bokuto dance freely. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Thanks for reading again. Please leave a comment. I can't tell if people are actually enjoying my story. I think my writing is too stiff. idk im insecure. Next chapter will be out soon : )


	5. Yellow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto sees a new side to Akaashi

“...And then he told me to stop taking pictures of him and to just walk with the parents like everyone else! I’m not old enough to join the parents group Akaashi!” Oikawa whined recounting his Halloween.

“Your nephew makes a good argument. You may not be old enough to feel like you belong in the parent group, but you are definitely too old to be joining the kid group.” 

“It was humiliating.”

“Imagine how much more humiliating it is to tell your uncle to stop hanging out with your friends.”

“Touché.” Oikawa relents. “So how was your night? Did you spend it with cute frisbee guy? Did you dress up?” His smile rivaled the cheshire cat.

“Not that it is any of your business.” Akaashi was going to leave it at that, he normally would, but he felt strong enough to indulge Oikawa and share a little bit. “Cute frisbee guy had a party at his apartment and he invited me. I went as a vampire.” Akaashi smiles. “I even wore eyeliner and was complemented for it.” Akaashi wanted to tease Oikawa. He always gave over the top reactions.

“YOU’RE KIDDING! Akaashi no. No way did you wear eyeliner and did not let me be the first to see. I’ve been BEGGING you Akaashi, BEGGING YOU, to wear eyeliner for YEARS!” Akaashi struggled to hold back the laughter bubbling inside him even with his hand blocking his mouth. “You have to wear it again for me!” Oikawa demands.

“Not a chance” Akaashi squeezed through his laughter. Oikawa starts tickling Akaashi’s sides. Akaashi swats his hands away to no avail “What HAHAHA are you HAHA doing?!” Tears pinching the outer corner of his eyes.

“This is punishment and repayment for your crime Akaashi!” Oikawa roared, much too loud for a library. Even Akaashi’s laughter was more appropriate than Oikawa’s volume. Eventually Oikawa ends his attack and has a soft smile on his face, no longer holding the mischief it had just seconds ago. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you laugh like that in all the years I’ve known you Akaashi.” Oikawa wraps Akaashi in a tender hug. 

Stunned Akaashi lagged to hug back, but he did.  _ I don’t remember the last time I laughed like that either.  _

Later in the day Akaashi is working by the entrance when a familiar voice calls out. “Akaashi?” 

Akaashi freezes. He closes his eyes and counts to three. He turns to see the shorter man with a blonde tuft. “Noya, right?”

“Hey! You remember me! Of course you would, I’m a star!” He laughs to himself. “I didn’t know you worked here.”

“Yeah I work here. Is there something I could help you with? Are you looking for a certain book?” Akaashi quickly tries to move the conversation elsewhere.

“Nah, I don’t read like that. I’m actually here to hit on one of the baristas.” 

_ He says it so casually. _ “Oh. Well, good luck.”

“Thanks. I think he’s going to be a tough one to crack. I can’t tell if he’s scared of me or not.” 

Akaashi doesn’t share his personal business with others, so he doesn’t ask for details from others. “You have a big presence. Don’t change yourself for others. You should only change for yourself. The barista may be intimidated or shy. They might just need some time to get comfortable around you.” Akaashi, however, does like to give advice. Akaashi strongly believes in changing only for yourself.

“Thanks O wise one,” He laughed at his own joke. “I’ll keep that in mind.” Noya turned toward the cafe but Akaashi stopps him. 

“Hey Noya? Can you keep where I work a secret please?” Akaashi didn’t trust him to keep a secret, but he had to at least try to keep it from Bokuto and his friends.

Noya nods. “I never saw you here.” He smiles and goes to the cafe.

Akaashi lets out a sigh of relief and goes back to work. 

Akaashi reaches his apartment and begins boiling water for his dinner. His phone pings.

**Bokuto:** Hey hey hey! Are you free on thursday?

**Akaashi:** Yes.

**Bokuto:** Meet me at 1pm in the park by the river the side the grass is on

**Akaashi:** Should I bring anything?

**Bokuto:** No. Just your book like normal

**Bokuto:** See you then!

  
  


\---

Akaashi is wandering around the park trying to spot Bokuto. He checked the time. “12:56pm”. He continues walking along the grassy side of the river and spots the corner of a large red blanket with paints and white canvases intermingled with fruits and juice boxes. He walks to a better angle to see if Bokuto will be the one sitting on the blanket. Does Akaashi really want Bokuto to be there, or does he wish that this set up was for someone else? Akaashi is too conflicted to tell which one he wants. He wants someone to put this much effort into a date for him, but he is scared to even consider it a date. Akaashi doesn’t want to date anyone. You can’t date someone you can’t trust. Akaashi’s heart beats faster. He doesn’t want to think about what he wants anymore. He takes another step and gets his answer. Bokuto is sitting cross legged on the blanket. Somehow, Akaashi feels more at ease. Why? He’s not sure. Akaashi approaches Bokuto, waving once Bokuto looks up. “Hello Bokuto.”

“Akaaashiii!” Bokuto flails his arm waving at Akaashi. His signature big bright smile is dazzling. 

“What is all of this? You said to just bring my book?” Akaashi says flatly, trying to convince himself that he isn’t really excited.

“It’s for you! I thought that we should try something that wasn’t just reading. But we can still read though if that’s what you want to do!” Bokuto’s eyes were wide with panic, worried he had upset Akaashi by wanting to do something other than read.

“No, let's try something new. You went through the trouble of preparing all of this. It would be a shame to let it go to waste, right?” Bokuto nodded, a little bit more at ease. Akaashi took a seat next to Bokuto on the blanket. “It's really thoughtful. Thank you for putting this together.” Akaashi wants Bokuto to know that he appreciates the thought and he is really happy he put this together for him. 

“I got you these on my way here. They reminded me of you. I hope you don’t mind.” Bokuto sheepishly presented Akaashi a bouquet of flowers. Akaashi couldn’t identify the flowers, just the deep blue and purple hues that had sprinkles of yellow throughout. 

Akaashi’s mouth went dry. It felt like his tongue grew three sizes. It was hard to swallow. Akaashi doesn’t want to ask, but with his eyes fixed on the flowers he says “What about them reminded you of me?”

Bokuto pauses. Then softly he explains, “The blue reminds me of your eyes, though sometimes your eyes shift more turquoise. The purple compliments the blue, but the softness and the flowers remind me of when you’re focused. Like when you’re reading. And the little yellow ones are like the moments I get... to... see you smile.” His cheeks went red. His voice dropped in volume as he struggled to explain the yellow flowers out of embarrassment. 

_ The yellow are the few moments I’m happy. He doesn’t think I’m happy a lot. That’s why these flowers reminded him of me. One big beautiful gloomy mess that sometimes shines. Why would it be any different. _ Akaashi reaches for them and doesn’t meet Bokuto’s eyes. “Thank you.” He places the flowers on the other side of him. 

They sat there in silence for a while, neither one knowing what to say to break it. Akaashi could feel the way Bokuto would look at him, then turn away, sit up straight and open his mouth to say something, only to look at Akaashi who was slouching his shoulders, and then slouch over again, repeating this process. Eventually he landed on something neutral.

“Strawberry?” Bokuto held a container of strawberries out to Akaashi. Akaashi sat up and gingerly selected one. His eyes were glassy.  _ Was he crying? But I didn’t see him wipe away tears? _ Determined to cheer up Akaashi, Bokuto opened a juice box and placed it in front of Akaashi before doing the same for himself. He handed Akaashi a canvas and began painting on his own canvas. Bokuto was working with a lot of the warmer lighter colors like orange and yellow and pink. He stuck his tongue out of his mouth when he was concentrating. Akaashi gravitated towards the blues and greens. Bokuto saw him pour out some yellow too. They painted as they picked at fruit and sipped on juice. They sat silently painting for a half hour. It was nice with the ambiance of the river flowing and the gentle brushing of the trees. 

“I’m finished!” Bokuto cheers as he holds his painting above him, still concealing it from Akaashi.

“I’ll be done soon.” Akaashi whispers. “Sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?” Bokuto tilts his head sideways.

“Nothing. Nevermind.” Akaashi dismisses.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.” Bokuto puts his hands behind his head and then lays back onto the blanket staring at the sky.

“I’m done too.” Akaashi announces. Bokuto springs back up into a sitting position. Akaashi’s eyes are still sad. Bokuto is searching for things that can cheer him up, when he spots the green grapes.

“Let’s let them dry before we give them to each other. Is that okay?” Akaashi hums and they lean them on the other side of the basket so they can’t see what the other painted. Bokuto hands the bowl of grapes to Akaashi. Akaashi’s eyebrow is raised in a silent question. “Toss them to me and I’ll catch them in my mouth!”

“Won’t that be a waste if you don’t catch it?” 

“You sound like I’m not going to catch them.” Bokuto drops his shoulders. “But either way, catch them or not, it’ll be fun!” A smile returns to his face.

Akaashi shrugs his shoulders. He tosses one into the air and it bounces off Bokuto’s chin. To Akaashi’s surprise, Bokuto catches the grape as it rebounds and he tosses it to himself and catches it easily. Bokuto chuckles as he chews the grape. “Throw another!” Akaashi tosses a second grape and Bokuto bends his knees to get underneath it. He catches it cleanly in his mouth and stands up with booths hand raised in fists above his head. “Yeah! That’s what I’m talking about” Bokuto cheers. Akaashi’s lips curl as he tosses another without being prompted. By the end they’re both giggling and Bokuto goes to hug him. Akaashi pushes Bokuto away by his chest instinctively, leaving Bokuto confused. 

“Sorry.” Akaashi gasps then hugs Bokuto instead. Bokuto hugs him back, but with less enthusiasm. 

“Did I tell you why I was dressed as a bear for Halloween?” Akaashi shakes his head no. “It’s because I give the best bear hugs.” Bokuto puffed his chest like he had announced himself as superman and placed fists on his hips. To his surprise Akaashi didn’t laugh. He just wore a forced closed lipped smile. “Let’s exchange paintings, yeah?” Akaashi nods.

“You go first.” Akaashi instructed. 

Bokuto reached for his painting and held it close to him. “Ta-da!” Bokuto sang as he turned it around. It is a gradient of orange to pink to yellow with white clouds scattered. There is a quote written that read:

_ Give like the sun and the whole world grows _

“It’s a quote from Atticus in the book I’m reading. And see, it's a sunrise to match the quote!” Bokuto explains with all the pride he had for his work.

Akaashi is silent. His eyes get glassy again. Bokuto opens his mouth to say something but Akaashi beats him to the punch. “Is this some sort of message?” Akaashi switches his cold stare from the painting to Bokuto’s eyes, duller than usual.

“Huh? No, it’s just a quote from my book. I didn’t mean anything by it-”

“You think I’m too closed off.” Akaashi states like it is a fact with evidence. “You’re mad I don’t share things about myself with you and you hate me for it. You’re tired of waiting for me to open up and your patience is running out.”

“No, you’ve got it all wrong, Akaash-”

“You don’t think you can deal with me anymore. That’s why the flowers, the painting, the hug- you want me to be more yellow like you but I’m blue! I’m just blue, blue, blue, blue. There’s no sunshine in me. There’s no yellow to give. I gave it all out and it did nothing but make me more blue.”

“Akaashi,” Bokuto whispers as he tries closing the gap between them.

“No.” Akaashi is shaking. His fist held tightly at his sides. “I get it. I wouldn’t have the patience to deal with me either.” Akaashi grabs his bag and starts to walk away, tears burning streaks down his face. 

“Hey,” Bokuto calls as he takes Akaashi’s wrist into his hand. “You’ve got it all wrong Akaashi. I’m more and more fascinated by you each time we meet. You don’t need to be yellow, or blue or whatever.” Bokuto’s eyes were strong staring back at Akaashi. His words were failing him. “I don’t know what you’re going on about but I like spending time with you. I like you.”

Akaashi’s eyes widen shortly. “No.” Akaashi stated it. Deliberate, definitive, no further questions. He twists his arm back and walks away, leaving Bokuto standing there stunned and confused. 

Once Akaashi is out of sight and out of his trance, Bokuto starts to pack up the picnic. He stops as he get to Akaashi’s painting. A dark blue background for a wilting flower colored blue and purple with petals of blue, purple, and yellow scattered on the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Please leave a comment for feedback I really want to hear from you guys. : )


	6. Step One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Thanks for reading! I have to help my dad who is having surgery from Friday to next Wednesday. I hope to get enough chapters out where I won't leave you on a cliffhanger for too long. Enjoy this chapter! :)

Akaashi is overwhelmed with guilt. He stays crawled in a ball on his bed when he wakes up from his crying session that followed his breakdown. His eyes sting red and his stomach feels like it has caved in. He checks the time. It reads 6:32AM.  _ There’s no way I’m going to work today. _ He sends a text to call out sick and stares at the red dot next to his messaging app. He sighs and places his phone face down so the thought of Bokuto’s texts can’t haunt him. It doesn’t work. He makes his daily coffee but doesn’t bother to find his favorite mug. His mind is blank as he stares at the dark coffee in his hands. Thinking about anything at all would threaten another breakdown and another night of crying himself to sleep. Akaashi plays cafe ambiance music on spotify and grabs his book. He doesn’t want to read further than where he was because he still wanted to read with Bokuto, even if he couldn’t admit it to himself. He rereads poems from the first pages. 

_ Stay _

_ i whispered _

_ as you  _

_ shut the door behind you _

_ -Rupi Kaur _

Akaashi blinks.  _ Is this how I made Bokuto feel when I walked away yesterday? _ Akaashi holds his breath as he continues reading. 

_ You do not wake up and become the butterfly _

_ Growth is a process _

_ -Rupi Kaur _

Akaashi shakes his head.  _ But it’s been so long. There’s no excuse for me to still be like this. _ Akaashi shuts the book and tosses it to the other side of the couch before throwing himself over the armrest and sobbing. He naps there until he wakes up with a headache. The sky is dark now. Akaashi drags himself to the kitchen and fills a cup with water for his headache. He takes a few sips before pouring the rest down the sink and crawling back under the covers on his bed, willing himself to sleep. 

Akaashi wakes up to the sun shining in his eyes. He covers his face with his arms. He groans and flips to face the wall opposite the window.  _ Sunrise. _ Akaashi is reminded of Bokuto’s painting. His face contorts but tears don’t form. Akaashi hopes he has cried all his tears yesterday and the day before. He gets a call from his boss. 

“Good morning Akaashi. How are you feeling today?”

“Not great, unfortunately.” Akaashi’s voice groggy from waking up and scratchy from not being used lately. “I don’t think I can come in today.”

His boss sighs. “Yeah, you don’t sound too good there kid. Get some rest and get back here. Feel better.”

“Thank you.” Akaashi squeezes in before his boss hangs up.

Akaashi drops his arm and stretches his arms out to his sides. He closes his eyes and feels the warmth of the sun. He takes deep breaths to center himself and calm down. He looks back at his phone and sees texts and missed calls.  _ Just from Oikawa and Bokuto. _ He starts with Oikawa’s texts hoping that the messages from Bokuto would disappear by the time he was done.

**Oikawa:** Akaashi!!! You left me alone during opening shift! :( 

**Oikawa:** It’s no fun without you here

**Oikawa:** Is there anything I could bring you? Of course, you’d have to tell me your address though

**Oikawa:** Remember to hydrate and take medicine. You’ll thank me later ;P

**Oikawa:** Two days in a row! Akaashi I’m gonna start thinking you’re avoiding me :/

**Oikawa:** Okay maybe I don’t think that. Just get better already

**Oikawa:** Can I bring you a soup please?

**Akaashi:** I’ll be in tomorrow. Thank you for your concern, but I don’t need soup.

Akaashi hovers his finger over the back button that would confront him with Bokuto’s missed texts. Everything was his fault. He hurt Bokuto and embarrassed himself. How is he supposed to face Bokuto again? Somehow, his shaking hands tap the screen and they’re still there. Akaashi settles down his phone.  _ After I eat breakfast _ . He pushes himself off his bed and settles for toast with jam and coffee, his usual. His legs shake beneath him as he returns to his bed and picks up his phone. He takes a deep breath and taps on Bokuto’s name.

**Bokuto:** Im sorry. I dont know what upset you i never meant to make you cry

**Bokuto:** I didnt mean to offend you

**Bokuto:** Please dont push me away. I made a mistake. I dont know what i did. Please tell me what i did wrong

**Bokuto:** Can you at least text me so I know you got home safe?

Akaashi’s breathing is irregular and tears are streaming down his face.

**Bokuto:** I promise i wont say anything after. Just say youre home safe

**Bokuto:** Its been a day. Im worried but Kuroo said to leave you alone and give you some space. Im sorry really really sorry. You can text me whenever

**Bokuto:** If you ever want to

**Bokuto:** Goodnight Akaashi

Guilt.

Akaashi throws his phone and hugs his knees to his chest. He slightly rocks as his knees get wet with his tears.  _ He didn’t do anything wrong! I did! I’m the one who messed everything up. He’s. He’s just. So kind. Why did I have to go and screw everything up? I was supposed to learn how to trust people more from him, not push him away. God I am so dumb. And now he’s worried about me? This is why I can’t trust people. I can’t even trust myself! _ Akaashi chuckles in his sobs.  _ I can’t even trust myself. _

\---

“Akaashiiiiii!!!” Oikawa sings before Akaashi is even through the door. He rushes him into a hugh holding him tightly. 

“Hi Oikawa.” Akaashi returns the hug softer.

“I’m so happy you’re back and feeling better.” Oikawa pulls back from the hug, still holding Akaashi by his arms. “I would’ve dropped by with my famous get well soup but -someone- doesn’t want to tell me where he lives.” Akaashi averts his eyes. “It’s okay though because I’m sure that hunky frisbee guy nursed you back to health.” Oikawa winks and smirks to match. 

Akaashi doesn’t lift his head. He mumbles “Actually he didn’t.”

Oikawa’s face fits into a scowl. “And now why is that?”

“Because I sorta freaked out at him and have been ignoring him since.”

Oikawa’s face lifts in shock. He was expecting Akaashi to say that he just didn’t tell him where he lived. He was also shocked at the honesty Akaashi was sharing with him. “Well it’s nice to know that the even tempered Akaashi loses his cool every now and then too.” He claps Akaashi’s arm and starts walking to do their job. “Let me guess, you weren’t actually sick either. You were just wallowing these past few days.” Akaashi nods. “And here I was all alone during that time.” Oikawa sighs with the back of his hand sweeping his forehead. Akaashi rolls his eyes and nudges Oikawa. “I’m serious though, you probably needed those days. I’m not mad, you know that.” A soft smile now on his face. “So what are you gonna do about Mr. frisbee man?”

“What do you mean?”

“What do you mean ‘what do I mean?’ Are you going to call him and apologize or are you going to text him to meet up and apologize?”

“Why do you assume I’m the one who has to apologize?” Akaashi’s eyebrows furrow.

“Because you aren’t the type to wallow over what someone has done to you. You wallow because of yourself.”

“Oh.” Akaashi’s eyebrows relax. “I guess you’re right.”

“So what are you gonna do?” Oikawa presents the question again.

“Do you think I could really text him after ignoring him for days? With no explanation?” Akaashi turns for advice.

“Yes. Just be honest with him. Answer his questions. Apologize.” Akaashi nods his head. Oikawa hugs him. “You’ll be fine. It’ll go great.” Akaashi feels like crying, but smiles honestly. 

\---

**Akaashi:** Hi Bokuto. I’m home safe. Can I see you again? I want to apologize for the way I behaved. 

**Bokuto:** Of course! But you dont have to apologize for anything. Really. Im free tm night

**Akaashi:** Ramen shop on 76th and lexington at 7pm okay? And can you bring the paintings too please?

**Bokuto:** Yeah! I’ll see you then :)

Akaashi set down his phone with a ball of guilt settling on his chest. His phone pings again. 

**Bokuto:** Thanks for texting me. Goodnight Akaashi

**Akaashi:** Goodnight Bokuto.

\---

Akaashi sits at a table in the steamy restaurant. It’s a family owned shop that is colored in bright reds and yellows. He sips on his water as his anxiety is eating at him. 

“Hey Akaashi.” Bokuto’s voice floats, getting Akaashi’s attention.

“Hi Bokuto. Please take a seat. I didn’t know what to order for you when the waiter was here so I asked them to wait. They’ll probably walk over soon when they notice you’re here.” Akaashi informs. He fiddles with his fingers under the table.

“Oh. Thanks! I’m sure I’d enjoy anything you picked, but I’m glad to get to look at the menu.” Bokuto’s nervous smile from when he entered widened. “What are you getting?”

“That katsu ramen.”

“Hmmmm.” Bokuto scans the one page menu. “I’ll try the spicy one.”

The waiter approaches the table and takes their order. The small talk lasted them long enough for their meals to be delivered. Akaashi was grateful for the silence eating provided. Bokuto chugging glasses of water between bites proved to be entertaining too. They finished eating and Bokuto reached for his bag. 

“No, I’m paying.” Akaashi shakes his head.

“I was actually reaching for the paintings,” Bokuto informs sheepishly with one of the canvas’ corners starting to peek out.

“No!” Akaashi reaches across the table pushing Bokuto’s arm down. Akaashi sits back in his seat as Bokuto pushes the painting back into his bag. “Not here.” Akaashi says with less urgency. Bokuto cocked his head to the side and his eyebrows formed a question mark. Akaashi closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Will you come to my apartment with me please?” Bokuto nods. 

They pay for their food and make their way to Akaashi’s apartment. Once up the three flights of stairs, Akaashi unlocks his door and enters with another person. An unusual feeling. 

“Woah! It’s so clean.” Bokuto points out. “It has good floor space too.”

“It’s small but it’s all I need.” He sets his bag and keys on their hooks next to the door. They both walk in and Akaashi gestures for Bokuto to sit on the couch. Akaashi fills two cups with water and sets them on the coffee table in front of them and joins Bokuto on the couch. Akaashi is twisting his fingers together, then lifts his head. “I’m sorry Bokuto.” He starts. Golden eyes are focused on him. “I misunderstood what you painted for me and I yelled at you when you didn’t deserve it. I ran away and avoided you. I made you upset for reasons that aren’t your fault.” He looks down to his hands to hide the shame for what he has planned to say next. “Those things I said you thought about me, are just what I wanted to yell at myself.” He blinked his eyes and felt wetness fall onto his hand. “You didn’t do anything wrong Bokuto. You didn’t make a mistake. You’ve been nothing but kind to me and I-” Akaashi hiccupped a breath. “I’m so sorry.” His eyes were permanently closed by the flow of tears he couldn’t stop. 

Bokuto gently places a hand on top of Akaashi’s. Akaashi immediately turned his hand around to hold onto Bokuto’s. Akaashi’s hands were larger, but they did not compare to the warmth Bokuto held in his. Bokuto shifts his body so he can pull Akaashi’s head onto his shoulder and stroke the back of Akaashi’s head with his free hand. He lays his head onto Akaashi’s and continues to comb his hand through curly black locks. After a while Bokuto notices Akaashi start to control his breathing. He lifts off Akaashi’s head and nudges a cool glass onto Akaashi’s free hand. “Take a sip.” It wasn’t demanding. It was gentle, soft, kind.

_ Caring _ .

Akaashi wipes at his face before accepting the cup, never letting go of Bokuto’s hand. “Thank you.” They sat in silence as Akaashi regained control of himself and drank water. Akaashi finally lifted his head and his steely eyes met round yellow eyes. “I’m sorry.” 

“Akaashi.” Bokuto whispered. It sent a shiver down Akaashi’s spine. “I forgive you.” Their faces didn’t change. They stay focused on the other’s eyes. “I thought I did something wrong and upset you. I didn’t know what happened. You seemed upset at the park and I thought that I could cheer you up with my painting or catching grapes. And then you were so upset. I worried I did something to upset you. Then I was worried I had lost you forever because you wouldn’t text me back. Kuroo said it’s probably something that wasn’t my fault, but all I could think was ‘what if it is?’” Bokuto coughs to regain his composure. “I’m really glad you invited me today.”

“I am too.” Akaashi agrees with a smile tugging the corners of his mouth. “I have trouble trusting people.” Akaashi confesses. Bokuto doesn’t flinch. Akaashi picks up the paintings from Bokuto’s bag and lays them on the table. “When I saw your painting, it felt like it was… I don’t know. The only way I can describe it is I felt like I was called out. It was torturing me.  _ Give like the sun and the whole world grows.  _ I don’t give anything. I keep everything about me and my life to myself and I fight to keep it that way. I’ve worked with the same people for years and they still don’t know where I live.” There's a beat. “You’re the first person I’ve had over my apartment that wasn’t family.”

“Thank you for sharing it with me.” Bokuto adds.

Akaashi nods. He puts down Bokuto’s painting and lifts his. “I was inspired by the bouquet you brought me. Although, I interpreted your flowers all wrong. I thought it signified how little happiness, yellow, I had in me. That i was nothing but sadness and gloom, the blues and cool colors. I’m sorry my rant got confusing because of the colors.” Akaashi giggles at himself and Bokuto rubs the back of his neck. “What you meant with the flowers. It was that you liked the sparse happiness I showed, and you want to see it more, right?” Bokuto nods furiously. “I don’t trust people, but I want to learn. Can you help me?” 

Bokuto’s eyes glowed as the light reflected specks of bronze among the gold. “I’d love to Akaashi.” His smile now takes up most of his face. 

Akaashi returned the smile and squeezed the hand he never let go of. “I was thinking I should tell you this one thing I’ve been keeping from you this whole time.” 

“Okay!” Bokuto encourages.

“You know that library where we got our books the first time we hung out?” Bokuto nods. “I work there.” 

“HUUUUUUUH!!”


	7. Back One Step, Then Forward Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi's questions his relationships, and then his trust in Bokuto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys... My chapters are usually around 2k words and change... this chapter is 5k!!! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. As always, leave a comment. I love to hear from you all.
> 
> P.S. Whenever I type "Bokuto" in my head I say "Bokuto-san". I can't help it at this point

“Then he suggested that we do trust exercises together so I could learn to trust him more and it wouldn’t be so scary in the future.” Akaashi tells Oikawa about the night he had with Bokuto almost two weeks later. When Oikawa asked him how things went the day after, all Akaashi had said was ‘good’. With Bokuto’s help, he has come to be more open with his friend at work too. “We’ve been doing them each time we hang out now. Trust falls, and following the other’s lead with your eyes closed. Stuff like that. It feels silly, but I think it's actually helping.” Akaashi smiles.

“I’m glad to hear that Akaashi. That’s amazing!” Oikawa praised. “All this talk about Bokuto is making me feel extra lonely. Before I at least had you as a single buddy but you’ve left me in the dust to whither and die.” 

“What are you talking about? We aren’t dating. He’s my friend, like you are.” Akaashi denies.

“Hmmm. Could have fooled me with the way you talk about him.” Akaashi glares. “Aww come on! You just had sparkles in your eyes and they go away just like that!” Oikawa snaps his fingers then sighs. 

The door jingles and the two employees look to see the entering customer. “Hey guys!” The short man shouts and waves wildly. They wave back and relax back to how they were, glad to know they didn’t have to switch to their professional personalities for a little while longer. 

“What’s holding you back Akaash?” Oikawa resumed their conversation.

“I’m not holding myself back from anything Oikawa.” Akaashi deadpanned. 

“If you could see the way you look when you talk about him you’d understand.” Oikawa breathed out. “He sounds like a guy who would treat you right, too.” He added.

“Bokuto does treat me right and he is a kind person. It’s just not like that. No harm in being friends. It’s no different than our friendship.” Akaashi declares. Then, there's a glint in Akaashi’s eyes. “Unless, there’s something you’d like to share, Oikawa.” 

“Oh shut up.” Oikawa cries, pushing a giggling Akaashi. “You’ve gotten meaner since you opened up to Bokuto.” Oikawa pouts.

\---

When Akaashi gets home, all he has is his thoughts.  _ Oikawa is ridiculous. I’m not romantically interested in Bokuto. He’s just my friend. Just like Oikawa is! He’s just so love crazed and thirsty he’s projecting onto me. That has to be it. _ He strains the boiling water into a bowl with miso paste, then scoops in the noodles.  _ But, then there’s the thing he said about how I looked when I talked about Bokuto. Sparkle in my eyes? That only happens in cartoons. _ Akaashi adds the sliced boiled egg and begins eating.  _ I don’t talk about Bokuto any differently than I do about what I had for breakfast in the morning.  _ Akaashi plays the news as he eats his dinner, drowning out any thoughts about Bokuto and what Oikawa had said. 

Sleep does not come easily to Akaashi tonight. He can’t get comfortable. Even in his regular sleeping outfit, cotton shirt and underwear, he finds himself tossing and turning all night. 

Morning comes all too quick. Akaashi turns off his alarm and is surprised to see a text from Bokuto so early in the morning.

**Bokuto:** Hey hey hey!!! Do you have time to read together today? 

Akaashi smiles at his screen, but after thinking for a moment he frowns and types out a reply.

**Akaashi:** I’m sorry. I work a double today so I’m at the library until it closes. I’m off tomorrow if that’s okay with you? 

**Bokuto:** Alright. Ill miss you today but ill see you tm!!!

Akaashi sits up and stretches his arms above his head and scratches his stomach as he drags himself into the kitchen. He toast bread and starts his coffee. He cleans his favorite mug and spreads strawberry jam on his toast. Akaashi finds himself lost in thought.  _ Why is Bokuto up so early? He responded quickly. I wonder what his face looks like when he sleeps. Does his voice get all raspy when he wakes up? _ Akaashi felt his face heat up and stiffened in his seat. He shakes his head to get rid of these thoughts and goes to the bathroom to finish his morning routine. He looks at himself in the mirror. Curious to what Oikawa was implying yesterday, Akaashi began telling the story of how he and Bokuto met aloud to his mirror so he could analyze his face.  _ Nothing out of the ordinary. See Akaashi. Letting Oikawa get you all worked up over nothing! _ He grabs his bag and his keys and leaves for work.

Akaashi texts Bokuto during his break. Yachi wasn’t working today so he didn’t feel rude doing so. 

**Akaashi:** Hi Bokuto. What time do you want to meet tomorrow? Anytime is fine with me so long as we are indoors. It’s starting to get chilly out. Any suggestions?

Bokuto doesn’t reply during Akaashi’s break, which bums Akaashi out. He goes back to work and finishes his day extra tired from all the walking and lifting he had done. Luckily there are seats on the subway at 8:30PM. Akaashi takes the opportunity to check his messages and sees Bokuto’s response.

**Bokuto:** I’m free after 1:30PM. We can go to the cafe at your library! Noya says the coffee there is great

**Akaashi:** I don’t want to go to my workplace on my day off. Maybe one day you could visit the cafe with Noya while I’m working. That’ll be a nice surprise.

Akaashi realizes what he just typed out.  _ DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE! _

**Akaashi:** I don’t want to go to my workplace on my day off. Maybe you could visit with Noya another time. Any other place you have in mind?

**Bokuto:** How about the cat cafe outside of Times Square?

**Akaashi:** Sounds nice. I can meet you at the train station and we’ll go together?

**Bokuto:** Okay!

**Akaashi:** I’ll see you then. Good night Bokuto.

**Bokuto:** Good night Akaashi :)

Akaashi smiled at his phone as he put it away to unlock his door. He inserts his key when he notices it was already unlocked. Akaashi’s heart starts racing as he opens his door slowly. Akaashi takes a step inside and feels his stomach drop. He first walks over to where his TV used to stand on a table. His couch cushions littered the floor and the thin cloth that catches little loose objects was sliced open. He walks into the kitchen and notices his toaster is gone. He then sees shattered light blue glass dusting the floor. “No” Akaashi whispers. He bends down to examine one of the larger shards and sees part of an owl. The breath he had been holding has become erratic as he dials 911. 

“911 What’s your emergency?” 

“My apartment has been burglarized.”

Akaashi begins his spiral.  _ How? I locked my door this morning right? I always do.  _ A memory of him shaking off a blush and practicing talking in the mirror come to the front of his mind.  _ Did I forget because I was thinking about Bokuto this morning? Still, why did they pick a random apartment on the third floor? Don’t burglars go for the first floor? They were able to carry a tv down three flights of stairs and not get questioned about it? It had to have been planned. They knew I wasn’t home. Nobody knows my schedule though! Nobody, except… _ Akaashi froze.  _ Did I let myself be tricked by him? I can’t trust him at all can I? He knew I wouldn’t be home all day. He didn’t text me during my break. Maybe he was too busy carrying my toaster or smashing my favorite mug. He tricked me. He betrayed me. I… was betrayed again.  _ Akaashi began softly crying.  _ How dumb can I be? _

Akaashi wipes his face with his sleeves when he sees red and blue lights flashing from outside his apartment’s lobby. “Good evening officers” Akaashi greets them as they walk in. “I’m Keiji Akaashi.”

“Akaashi?” A familiar baritone voice rings in his ears.

“Daichi?” Akaashi calls back.

“You two know each other already? At least it makes formalities go faster. I’m Officer Ennoshita.” He reaches out for a handshake.

Akaashi shakes his hand. “Keiji Akaashi, please call me Akaashi though.” 

“You got it. Can you show us to your apartment please?” Ennoshita asks. Akaashi nods and leads them to his apartment. 

“I got home around 9PM after working from 7:30AM to 8:30PM. I usually lock my doors but I can’t remember if I did this morning or not. I looked around a little bit before I called 911. The things I notice that are missing are my tv, my toaster, and the damage on the couch.” 

“Wow Akaashi. Let me ask some questions, do my job.” Daichi jokes.

“Right, sorry.” Akaashi bowed his head.

“No, no, it was a joke Akaashi. You gave a good report.” Daichi lays a hand on Akaashi’s back. “It makes it easier for us.” He continues writing in his notepad as he inspects the apartment. “I can’t explain why take the toaster, but I think whoever the burglar is was looking for money and not specifically things. They knew to check under the liner of the couch, a popular place to hide cash.” Daichi pauses and walks over to Akaashi while his partner takes photos of the evidence. “I need you to take inventory of everything in your house, especially anything that looks like it has monetary value.”

“Okay.” Akaashi squeezes out as he heads to his room. The only thing he owns that he knows that has monetary value is his high school class ring. He goes to the bottom drawer of his night stand and the box is missing. He sighs, and smiles inwardly. He relaxes his face as he searches the rest of his room. “Daichi?” He calls for his attention. “The only thing missing from my room is my high school ring. It is a gold ring with a sapphire gem. The sides say “Class of” and “2012”. On the inside of the ring it should have my initials “KA” engraved. 

“Geez Akaashi, let me ask you to describe it first. Haven’t you ever seen a crime show?” Daichi tries another joke. Akaashi gives him a small pity laugh. “Do you have somewhere else you can stay for tonight? I know most people are uncomfortable cleaning up after their place has been burglarized. People also tend to feel unsafe in their home and stay with a friend for a while.”

Akaashi fiddles his fingers behind his back. “Uhm, Daichi. Only one person knew I wouldn’t be home all day. Do you think it is possible that they could have organized this?” Akaashi bites his lower lip. 

“Well, it certainly can be, it can’t be ruled out. However, whoever came here looked like they were in a rush. I can’t imagine it being a well planned heist.” He flips his notebook back open. “Can you tell me the name of this person?” 

Akaashi releases his lip and looks at Daichi for his reaction. “Bokuto.”

Daichi’s face doesn’t change. He closes his notebook without writing a scratch. “This wasn’t done by Bokuto I can assure you that.”

“You’re 100% sure?” Akaashi asks.

“More sure than I am that you’re standing in front of me.”

Akaashi’s breath shakes as he continues breathing. Daichi sighs and puts his notebook away. Ennoshita calls out that he’s done taking pictures. 

“Well it looks like we have all the information we need for now.” Daichi starts walking to the door. He pauses and turns around. “Give him a call. He’ll never say no to you. Stay with him, at least for tonight.” He taps the door frame side as he walks through. “Good night Akaashi.”

“Good night Daichi.”

Akaashi sits on his bed with his elbows on his knees and head in his hands.  _ What’s wrong with me. Of course Bokuto wouldn’t ransack my apartment. Why did I ask Daichi that. He probably hates me now. _ Akaashi slaps his face with both hands to stop himself from going any further into his thoughts. He unlocks his phone and clicks on Bokuto’s contact. 

“Hey Akaashi!” It’s loud where he is. “What’s up? You usually don’t call.” The noise dampens as a door clicks closed. 

“I- err. Is it- uh. Well, my-” Akaashi sighs and grinds the heel of his hand into his forehead. 

“Is everything okay Akaashi?” There it is. That soft, concerned, caring voice of Bokuto’s.

“No.” Akaashi manages to say without crying. “I-” he sighs again. “Can I stay at your apartment tonight. I can explain in person. It doesn’t feel right over the phone.”

“Of course, yeah. I’m actually near your apartment. Just a couple blocks away. I can pick you up if you want.”

“Yes please.” Akaashis voice cracks.

“Alright I’ll be right there. See you soon.”

“Bye.” Akaashi whispers.

He puts his phone down on his bed and begins packing enough for just the night. He doesn’t want to assume Bokuto will have him for longer, especially after he tells him what he asked Daichi. He’s interrupted by a knock on the door. He takes a deep breath before answering it. “Hello Bokuto. Thanks for coming.”

“Woah. What happened, Akaashi?” He said as he surveyed the apartment from the doorway. Only then did he catch Akaashi’s red eyes. “Are you okay?” Urgency clearly expressed.

“When i was at work,” Akaashi’s eyes watered, “a burglar came into my apartment.” He wouldn’t meet Bokuto’s eyes, staring at Bokuto’s chest instead. 

“Thank god you weren’t here when they came,” Bokuto exclaimed as he wrapped Akaashi into a warm hug.

Akaashi was shocked. He cared more about Akaashi than he did about any of the things they could have taken? Akaashi’s face goes wide, then promptly twists as he begins crying. He grabs fistfuls of the back of Bokuto’s shirt and cries softly into Bokuto’s welcoming chest. “Thank you.”  _ For being here right now. For caring about me. For comforting me. _ He hopes that one thank you conveys all of the things he feels. They stay wrapped around one another until Akaashi releases his grip on Bokuto’s shirt. “I’m almost done packing.”

“Take your time.” Bokuto reassures. Akaashi nods and Bokuto moves to where the broken mug lies shattered. “Is it okay if I help you clean up a little bit?” Bokuto offers. Akaashi grabs the broom and dustpan and hands them to Bokuto. He begins sweeping the ceramic pieces into a pile. 

“That was my favorite mug.” Akaashi informs. His voice soft, his mouth between a smile and a frown.

“What made it your favorite?” Bokuto asks.

“It was the first thing I bought with my first paycheck. It had a pair of owls on it.” Akaashi’s mouth moving toward a smile now. 

“You like owls?” Bokuto inquires.

“I do. Do you?” Akaashi returns the question.

“They’re not my favorite.” Bokuto’s face crunches up as he sweeps the shards into the dustpan. “They look so judgy. Like. Why do they have to look at me like that?” 

“Hmmm.” Akaashi hums. "I don’t see them that way. I think they are just inquisitive instead of judgy. Their curiosity is what truly makes them wise.” Akaashi explains. 

“Huh?” Bokuto questions tilting his head to the side.

Akaashi giggles behind his hand. “You know, you kind of resemble one yourself, now that I think about it.”

“I get that from my friends sometimes.” Bokuto shrugs. 

Akaashi returns to packing as Bokuto continues picking up around the apartment. Akaashi approaches Bokuto with a backpack over his shoulder. Bokuto gives him a look with one eyebrow raised and Akaashi returns the look back at him.

“That’s… all you’re bringing?” Bokuto asks.

“Well… It’s just for the night. I mean. How much could I need for one night?” Akaashi is hesitant.

“I didn't think you’d want to come back here so quickly. I kind of assumed you’d be staying with us for longer, like a couple of weeks.” Bokuto rubbed the back of his neck.

Akaashi fiddled with his fingers. He lowered his head. He spoke just above a whisper. “I… have something to tell you. Before you get upset, please know it’s nothing that you did. It’s just me being dumb.”

“It’s just you working through things.” Bokuto corrected.

“Yes.” Akaashi nodded. “So, I- uhm. When I was waiting for the cops to arrive I was thinking. Thinking too much. It’s unusual for a third floor apartment to be randomly burglarized, and you were the only person that would know that I’d be at work all day, so I thought that maybe you had organized this? I’m sorry, I really am!” Akaashi raised his head to plead to Bokuto. “I don’t know why I thought that. Then Daichi was one of the officers that responded to my call and I kind of asked him if you could have been involved and he told me there’s no way.” Akaashi was speaking quickly, trying to tell Bokuto everything all at once so he could get to the last part. “I know you’d never do something like this. You’re so kind, and you're helping me trust again. You wouldn't trick me, betray me. I know you wouldn’t so why did I ever even think that about you?” He stared into Bokuto’s eyes. Akaashi walked forward and cradled Bokuto’s cheek. Akaashi spoke slowly now, like he was hypnotized by the golden orbs looking right back at him. “Your eyes wouldn’t lie to me.” 

They stood silently as Akaashi didn’t move. Bokuto slowly moved his hands from his side to slide around Akaashi’s waist. Their eyes were trained on each other. Akaashi felt the heat with each of Bokuto’s breaths. Akaashi dropped his head onto Bokuto’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around Bokuto’s neck. He lets go of a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“I didn’t think you’d want me to stay with you after I told you that, but I knew you wouldn’t leave me here alone the day my apartment got robbed, so I only packed for one night.” Akaashi confessed into Bokuto’s shoulder. 

Bokuto also dropped his head to Akaashi’s shoulder. “Go pack for as long as you’d like to stay. We can always come back to get more if you want.”

“You’re not mad?” Akaashi lifted his head to study Bokuto’s face for any signs of a lie.

“I’m not mad.” Bokuto replies, lifting his head. “I’m not thrilled you thought I’d steal from you, but I understand how you came to that conclusion.” He lets go of the hug and turns Akaashi towards his room. “Now go stuff your bags with your clothes and let's get out of here.”

\---

Akaashi wakes up in a different place than normal. He rubs his eyes and checks his phone. 10:24AM. This was a late start to the day for Akaashi, but he blamed it on getting to bed at 1AM and sleeping in an unusual place. He normally wouldn’t sleep at other people’s houses because that meant they could mess with him while he slept, when he was most vulnerable. He sat up and saw a note on the nightstand.

_ Sorry. I have work until 1:30PM. I’ll be home a little after then. Help yourself to anything. _

_ -Bokuto :)  _

Akaashi smiled at the post-it in his hand.  _ Cute. _ He knew Bokuto worked as a personal trainer at a nearby gym. If Akaashi was having this much trouble starting his day, he couldn’t imagine how hard Bokuto’s morning was, especially from sleeping on the couch. Akaashi rose from the bed in his t-shirt and sweatpants and rubbed his hair down hoping to flatten it enough to be presentable. He opens the door and Kuroo is sitting in the living room working on his laptop. 

“Good morning sleepy pants,” He greets.

“Good morning,” Akaashi replies, rubbing his eyes adjusting to the sunlight. 

“How’d you sleep?”

“Not great.” Akaashi admits. “I hope we didn’t wake you up when we got here last night.

“Don’t worry about it. I can fall asleep with Kenma screaming murder on his headset across the hall. In comparison, you were quieter than a mouse.” Kuroo waves his hand dismissing Akaashi’s concern. “Help yourself. If you need help just ask.”

“Thank you, Kuroo.” Akaashi moves to the kitchen and starts the coffee pot. Akaashi began opening and closing every cabinet trying to find the mugs. After four cabinets, he finds mugs and chooses a yellow mug with a sunflower on it that reads “Good Morning” in script. Akaashi filled the mug and then walked to the sliding doors of the balcony. He leaned on the glass and sipped as he looked out at the city. 

“You drink it black?” Kuroo said with disgust. Akaashi hummed in response and took another sip. “Man I was hoping you’d have to do a deep dive to get sugar and then creamer and a spoon. I even moved them around so they wouldn’t be where you’d expect!” Kuroo cried. 

Akaashi chuckled into his coffee. “Is that why I found the mugs with the bowls instead of the glasses in the second cabinet I opened?” 

“YES!” Kuroo threw his hands up for emphasis. “Now I lose my entertainment AND I have to put it all back where it belongs.”

“Wouldn’t you have to put it back after I made my coffee anyways?” Akaashi teases.

“At least it would’ve been worth it if you searched.” Kuroo huffs and puts his laptop down to fix the kitchen he rearranged. Akaashi smiled and drank his coffee. 

…

Bokuto returns in the afternoon. He walks in and sees Kuroo, Kenma, and Akaashi all in lounge wear playing super smash brothers. “This isn’t fair!” Kenma yells as the other two cheer.

“It is too fair you sore loser!” Kuroo taunts. “You’re a cheater so we need to get you down a life before it’s a real free for all match.”

“My ass I’m a cheater!” Kenma retorts. “You guys just suck so bad you need me to have a handicap.” Kenma’s character dodges a smash attack and then immediately lands one on Kuroo’s character sending him flying to the back of the screen. “All of that work and I STILL killed you before I died!” Kenma cheers.

Akaashi smiles and then lands a smash attack on Kenma’s character leading to his first death.

Kenma drops his hands into his lap and turns to Akaashi. “You little shit.” Akaashi suppresses a giggle as he continues fighting against Kuroo. 

“How long have you guys been playing to be fighting like this?” Bokuto asks as he grabs a loose controller on the TV stand, preparing for the next match.

“Long enough for me to suggest Kenma sleeps in his streaming room tonight.” Kuroo quips. 

“Long enough for Kuroo to turn into a cry baby because I’m still better than him.” Kenma snaps.

“About two hours.” Akaashi calmly informs. 

Bokuto joins in the next match until everyone starts to get hungry. They all agree to order pizza for delivery so they can continue gaming. They’re all seated around the kitchen table when Akaashi remembers the pans he had made before he had gotten home last night. 

“Bokuto!” Akaashi held Bokuto’s arm. “I just remembered. We were supposed to go to that cat cafe today and read! I’m so sorry I totally forgot!”

Bokuto laughed. “Me too! I got home and you were all so engrossed in smash I totally forgot too.” Akaashi joined him in laughing. 

…

Kuroo and Kenma headed to their room for the night. Bokuto and Akaashi set up a futon in Kenma’s streaming room so everyone still had their own space. Akaashi and Bokuto were sitting on the couch reading their books sipping on hot chocolate. “Hey Akaashi. I think you’ll resonate with this poem here.” Bokuto scoots his hands closer to Akaashi so he could read it better.

“I know this is the first time I’m wearing my glasses around you, but I’m not blind Bokuto.” Akaashi scolds, but it holds a sense of endearment.

“You’re right.” Bokuto pulls the book back to himself and angles it so only he can see it.

“Well now it wouldn’t matter if I was blind or not. Nobody could read it the way you’re holding it now.” Akaashi teases.

“You’re so helpless I have no choice but to read it aloud to you.” Bokuto sticks his nose in the air. Bokuto clears his throat dramatically and begins reading. “The trick is always  _ to try _ collect the tries like trophies and you will never lose.” He lowers his Atticus Poetry book and turns toward Akaashi. “Even though you doubted me and thought I might have had something to do with what happened yesterday, you still tried to keep your trust in me and told yourself you were wrong.” He laid a hand over Akaashi’s. “Don’t focus on how bad you felt because you suspected me. Focus on how you still were able to put trust in me and reject the thoughts that screamed otherwise.” 

Akaashi nods his head and squeeze’s the hand laying limply in his, which gives a squeeze back. “Thank you,” Akaashi whispers.

A moment passes and Bokuto speaks up. “Did I use the word ‘resonate’ correctly?”

“Yes you did Bokuto. Good job.” Akaashi smiles. “By the way, what were you doing last night when I called you? It seemed really noisy, like I was interrupting something.” Akaashi points out.

“Oh yeah! I was out with one of my co-workers. We went to a bar, but I didn’t feel bad leaving him because some guy seemed pretty interested in him so it was easy to excuse myself.” Bokuto explains.

“Sorry to have interrupted.” 

“Nope. Don’t tell me you’re sorry, especially right after I told you it was no problem.” Bokuto corrects. “Instead, say ‘thank you’. People like to be thanked, not apologized to.” 

“Is… is that really true?” Akaashi approached gently.

Bokuto looked straight into Akaashi’s eyes, now knowing that Akaashi trusts his eyes to not lie. “Yes it’s true.”

Akaashi survey’s Bokuto’s face and averts his eyes. “Thank you for being there yesterday.” Heat rises in Akaashi’s face. 

“You’re welcome.” Bokuto punctuates. “I’m there whenever you need me. No questions asked.”

In bed, Akaashi can’t sleep. He hadn’t realized it, but the stress had made it much easier to fall asleep in a different place the night before. Akaashi gives in after four hours of restlessness and uses his phone’s flashlight to navigate the apartment. He knocks on Bokuto’s door. No answer. Akaashi reaches for the handle, but hesitates. He knocks again instead. He hears a groan and sheets ruffling. He waits another minute to see if those noises indicated Bokuto waking up and getting out of bed to answer his door. After a minute, Akaashi realizes he was wrong, and knocks again. Groan, sheets shuffle, now footsteps. Akaashi takes a step back anticipating the door to swing open. He’s glad he does because Bokuto opens the door shirtless and in pajama pants and promptly leans against the doorframe for balance.

“Akaashi?” A low voice growls and scratches in a whisper.

“I- uh, couldn’t sleep.” Akaashi fiddles with his fingers. His voice was better than what Akaashi had imagined just a few days ago sipping coffee, eating strawberry toast in his apartment. What he hadn’t begun to imagine was Bokuto with his hair down. Now that he has seen it he wants to see Bokuto like this all the time. 

“Come on in.” Bokuto invites Akaashi into his room and quickly rolls back under the blanket. Akaashi closes the door and stands on the side of the bed, hesitant to get in. Bokuto notices Akaashi standing there awkwardly and shoots up. “I’m sorry. Did you want me to put on a shirt? Am I making you uncomfortable?” 

“No, no!” Akaashi quickly dismisses, waving his hands to emphasize his point. “I was just wondering if it is really okay for me to wake you up and then ask to share a bed with you.”

“Okay. Let’s unpack a few things.” Bokuto’s eyelids still cover half of his eyes. “One: I told you I’m here whenever you need me. That means any time. Sleeping or awake. Two: You wouldn’t ask to share a bed if that’s not what you wanted. You can ask for things you want. In fact, I encourage it. Three: Even if the first two didn’t hold water, what’s the point in wondering if it's okay to wake me up and ask to share a bed when you’ve already woken me up and asked? You can’t take away the fact you’ve woken me up. Now get in here.” Akaashi nods and puts his phone down on the nightstand. He lifts the blanket and scooches onto the bed. “Do you want to face different directions?” Bokuto asks.

“Uhm. We don’t need to.” Akaashi answers. 

“Would it be okay if I laid my head on your chest then?” 

Akaashi nods, but there isn’t any movement.

“If you're moving your head as an answer I can’t see you silly.” Bokuto snorts at Akaashi’s forgetfulness. 

_ How did he know I was shaking my head? _ “Yes, you can lay your head on my chest.” Akaashi was grateful for the darkness hiding his full face blush. 

Bokuto turns to his side and throws an arm over Akaashi. He smushes his face into Akaashi’s chest and lets out a long exhale. “Goodnight Akaashi.” Bokuto mumbles, drunk in his sleep.

“Goodnight Bokuto,” Akaashi whispers. “Sweet dreams.” Once Akaashi feels Bokuto’s breathing even out and hears a slight snore, he brushes his fingers through Bokuto’s hair.  _ Soft _ . Akaashi smiles to himself, eyes about to close any second. “Goodnight.” He whispers again, kissing the crown of Bokuto’s head before falling deep into his sleep. 


	8. An Unmistakable Foe

Akaashi wakes up to his alarm, and is sad to find where his body had been extremely warm had turned cold by Bokuto’s absence. He sighs and disarms his alarm and shuffles to the doorway and into the kitchen. Kuroo is in the kitchen and the smell of coffee swirls around Akaashi. Akaashi hums in delight of the smell, already more awake. Kuroo turns around to see Akaashi with his eyes closed and smiling scratching his stomach under his shirt. 

“Stop being weird and get a mug.” Kuroo barks with no bite. Akaashi opens his eyes and nods, moving to the cabinet he found the mugs in yesterday. However, when he opened the cabinet it was filled with plates and bowls. Kuroo howls a laughter and doubles over slamming a fist into the counter a few times to punctuate his enthusiasm. “I knew I’d get entertainment yesterday,” Kuroo squeezes between laughter “but to think I’d get TWO DAYS is phenomenal!”

Akaashi’s eyes are squinted in confusion as he begins opening the other cabinets, much to Kuroo’s amusement. “You hid them again.” Akaashi growls.

“NO!” Akaashi’s misunderstanding throws Kuroo into a second fit. “I didn’t plan this at all!” Kuroo opens the cabinet above him with all the cups and mugs and begins filling a mug with black coffee. “I put all the things I hid back yesterday, remember?” He begins regaining his composure. “After you ruined my morning entertainment with your black coffee.” He hands the dark drink to Akaashi who quickly accepts with two hands. “You went to the place I hid the mugs in because you found them there yesterday. It’s better than I could have imagined.” Kuroo wipes a tear from his eye coming down from his laughter. 

Finally realizing what had transpired, Akaashi laughs a little bit himself too. “Glad to entertain. Do you have a toaster and some bread?”

Kuroo grabs the toaster out of a cabinet by the floor. Probably placed there to save counter space. “Anything else you need?” Kuroo offers to help as he walks toward where they keep the bread.

“Do you have jam? If not I can make some out of whatever fruit you have.” 

“We do not, but there’s blueberries and strawberries in the fridge.” Kuroo informs. 

Akaashi takes out blueberries and a small bowl from where he thought the mugs were and a fork. He then grabs an abandoned sugar packet next to the coffee pot. He begins mixing the two together until his toast pops up. He spreads his jam onto the toast and takes a bite. He’s glad his morning routine hasn’t changed much at all. “There’s some left over if you want to spread some on toast for yourself.” Akaashi pushes the bowl toward Kuroo. 

“As much as I love my super fruit, I’ve gotta get to class.” Kuroo pushes off the counter and heads out grabbing the backpack by the door. 

…

Akaashi is heaving as he rushes the library doors open. “I’m not late!” He announces.

“The clock would disagree, Akaashi,” Oikawa purrs. “What’s got you all out of breath and running behind your well kept schedule?”

“Nothing.” Akaashi declares. Oikawa’s eyes stay fixed on Akaashi as he sets his bag down and settles into work. Akaashi knows Oikawa knows something is up, but he’s flustered. Oikawa already thinks Akaashi has a crush on Bokuto, when he totally doesn’t. He doesn’t want to give Oikawa more fuel. “No-thing.” Akaashi declares again with emphasis on each syllable.

“I don’t know why you won’t tell me you just overslept or something. You’re making me more and more suspicious.” Oikawa coos while tapping on books that he was going to reshelf. 

The day goes on and Oikawa lets his earlier suspicions subside. He was now engrossed in the story he was telling Akaashi.

“I’m there, flirting with this guy, and he’s not falling for any of my strategies! Not even when I leaned over him to grab a drink! People get a whiff of my cologne and my best angle and he still brushed me off.” Oikawa pouts.

“Maybe he just isn’t gay Oikawa.” Akaashi remedies.

“Impossible. It was a gay bar.” Oikawa rolls his eyes. “Anyway, I thought I had finally gotten him to agree to dance with me, and then he says ‘That’s what you wanted me to say right?’ and he smirked like he had won a battle against me or something. How mean is that! I threw my drink in his stupidly gorgeous manly face and was going to leave. He grabbed my arm so I glassed him.” Oikawa crossed his arms with a huff.

After a moment, Akaashi asks “What does that mean, you ‘glassed him?’”

“Oh dear. I forget just how sweet and innocent you are Akaashi.” Akaashi winces at these words. “It means I broke the glass over his head.” Oikawa smiles.

“You broke a glass over his head?!” Akaashi squeals. “Isn’t that really dangerous?”

“Not really. He should be fine. I’m pretty sure he was going to start a fist fight with me when he grabbed my arm, so I was just acting in self defense.” Oikawa shrugged, indifferent. “I’d have no chance against his muscular arms. You should have seen them Akaash.” Oikawa beams. “Maybe next time you can come with me instead!”

“That’ll be a hard pass, thank you.” Akaashi turns to go back to work. 

Akaashi returns to Bokuto’s apartment and moves the futon from Kenma’s streaming room into Bokuto’s room before Kenma starts his livestream. Thankfully, nobody makes a big deal about it. Akaashi and Bokuto settle into Bokuto’s bed as though the futon on the floor was a suggestion. Akaashi is wearing a shirt and sweatpants, Bokuto is just wearing pajama pants. Akaashi opens his arm and Bokuto slides under it onto his chest. Bokuto hums as he pulls Akaashi closer like a teddy bear. “Hey Kaashi.” Bokuto mumbles. 

“Yes Bokuto?”

“You should come by the gym some time when you’re free. I wanna show you where I work.”

“Oh, uh, okay.” Akaashi agrees. 

“Sweet. Goodnight Akaashi.”

“Goodnight Bokuto.”

…

Akaashi’s next day off was a few days later. He knew he would be getting up a couple hours earlier than normal, but he was sleeping so well sharing his bed with Bokuto he didn’t even feel tired when Bokuto shook him awake at 5AM. Akaashi smiles when he comes to, greeted with shining golden eyes. 

“Good morning Bokuto.” His voice is surprisingly groggy. 

Bokuto’s face heats up and he quickly turns his head. “Good morning Akaashi. I brought you coffee.” He hands a yellow cup with a sunflower on it.

Akaashi sits up and accepts the cup with two hands and begins sipping on it. “Did I ever tell you that Kuroo rearranged your kitchen so I’d have a hard time finding things in the kitchen my first morning here?” Akaashi inquires.

“No. That little shit. I’m gonna beat him up when I see him.” 

Akaashi giggles and puts a hand on Bokuto’s arm. “No don’t, it was funny. It backfired on him when he realized I drink my coffee black and only had to find a mug.” Akaashi turns the mug in his hands. “This was the cup I chose that morning.” Akaashi smiles down at the mug. He points to the script and reads it out loud. “Good morning” He presents the mug with his eyes squinting from his closed-lipped smile. “It was nice to be greeted when I was feeling a little alone and lost after that night.”

“My mom gifted me that mug when I moved out. Said that when I used it to remember her saying good morning in our kitchen.” Bokuto smiles. “I guess my mom was saying good morning to you then that day!”

Akaashi chuckles. “Thank you Mrs. Bokuto.” He sips from the mug again. He sets the coffee down on the nightstand and stretches from the bed. “Well, I think it’s time for me to get dressed, unless you don’t want to be at work on time.”

“Right. We have to leave in 20 minutes if we want to jog. 15 if you want to walk.” Bokuto moves to the door.

“I’ll be ready in 10.” Akaashi moves to close the door and opens his bag to get dressed. In the midst of getting ready, Akaashi notices a pink bunny on the shelf on the wall.  _ The one from Dave and Busters _ . Akaashi feels his face heat up and slaps his face with both hands. He joins Bokuto outside and they walk to the gym together. Bokuto talks about the gym and the people he sees there. He talks about his clients and their different routines and attitudes towards exercise. They walk through glass doors into the wide space with tons of standing cardboard cutouts promoting different events at the gym and a front desk where Iwaizumi stands. 

“Good morning,” Iwaizumi greets them with a nod.

“Good morning” Bokuto and Akaashi reply at the same time. 

Akaashi is amazed to see that there are people already working up a sweat this early in the morning. “Some people like to work out before they go to their 9 to 5’s. It’s much less crowded than the evening.” Bokuto explains as Akaashi is awe struck. 

Bokuto begins giving Akaashi a tour of the gym. There’s a section of open floor scattered with various free weights, mats, blocks, boxes, and other tools for people who like to experiment with their routine. He shows him the machines and does a demonstration for each of them. Akaashi tries not to drool over the way Bokuto’s muscles contort with each machine so effortlessly, not even checking the weight and then dutifully wiping the machinery ensuring a sanitary environment. He then shows Akaashi the personal trainer rooms sectioned off to the side next to the changing rooms opposite the welcome counter. The door to each personal room is clear and has windows, but the rest of the room’s walls are covered in mirrors, much like a dance room, to help focus on form. 

Now that they have done a complete circle of the gym, Akaashi and Bokuto are back at the entrance where Iwaizumi was now talking with an energetic man who sported a blue t-shirt that seemed to be from their days in high school and bright orange hair. Bokuto’s face lights up and he starts to jog over, but is quickly stopped by a trembling hand gripping the back of his shirt like it is the only thing that will keep Akaashi from falling. Bokuto turns around to check on his friend and is frightened by what he sees. Akaashi’s hooded eyes now blow wider than Bokuto had ever seen, more than their fight in the park, more than when Akaashi’s apartment was invaded. Akaashi’s skin was paler, which is impressive considering how fair his skin is to begin with. “Hide me,” is all Akaashi can manage to breathe out. Bokuto doesn’t hesitate to guide Akaashi behind the door labelled “Employees Only” which is surprisingly large and lined with various cleaning supplies. Akaashi never let go of Bokuto’s shirt, so Bokuto wraps his arm behind him, shielding Akaashi, until they’re alone. Bokuto turns to meet Akaashi’s face, but Akaashi falls into Bokuto’s chest. He just manages to catch Akaashi under his arms to support him. Akaashi shook under Bokuto, but he wasn’t crying at all.  _ Pure fear _ .

“Akaashi,” Bokuto whispers. “Let’s try catching our breath, okay? In, 2, 3, 4, 5, hold, 2, 3 , 4, 5, out, 2, 3, 4, 5.” He feels Akaashi regain his footing, relieving the weight Bokuto was holding, and felt Akaashi’s back expand and contract trying to follow his count. “You’re doing great.” Bokuto praises and rubs Akaashi’s back soothing him. “Let’s do that again, okay?” He waits for Akaashi to nod before counting off again. Once they cycle through again, Akaashi lifts his head. “What do you need Akaashi?” Bokuto is attentive as always. 

“I need… to get out of here… without… him seeing me.” Akaashi’s voice was unsteady. Although his body no longer trembled, he couldn’t control the unyielding shaking in his chest. 

“Who? Iwaizumi?” Bokuto wants to clearly understand Akaashi’s request.

Akaashi shakes his head no. “The one… he was talking to…” Akaashi took a deep breath. “The… orange hair…”

“Oh, Shoyou.” Bokuto clarifies. He starts rubbing his neck. “He’s actually probably waiting for me. He’s one of my clients. The one I said that has a funny way of explaining things and is kind of like a direct disciple to me.” Bokuto bites his lip and scrunches his eyebrows together and rubs his chin. His eyebrows lift and he puts his hands on Akaashi’s shoulders. “I have an idea, but it means you’ll have to go home by yourself. Do you think you can do that? I can come up with something else?” Akaashi shakes his head and assures him he can get home. “Okay. Since he’s waiting for me I’m going to get him and take him to the other side of the gym. I’ll have Iwaizumi knock on the door twice to let you out and I’ll be home as fast as I can, okay?” Akaashi nods. Bokuto hugs Akaashi tightly, but Akaashi barely is able to lift his arms to Bokuto’s back. “I’ll see you soon okay? Get home safe.” Bokuto reluctantly releases the hug and leaves the room.

Akaashi hears Bokuto’s muffled “Hey hey hey!” on the other side of the door. His eyes have returned to their regular state, but his body remains stiff, unmoving. He hears excited voices pass the door and then fade away again. Moments later there are two distinct knocks before the door slowly creaks open. Iwaizumi’s head pokes in, then he nods his head to the side indicating that Akaashi should get going. Akaashi nods his head and whispers a thank you as he passes the stoic man. 

…

Bokuto opens his bedroom door gently in case Akaashi has fallen asleep. He is surprised to see Akaashi cradling the pink bunny he had won for Bokuto a couple months ago. “Hey Akaashi,” Bokuto coos. “Do you want me to get you anything?” He treats Akaashi as if he were a sick child. It is fitting considering Akaashi’s response is to look up at him and stretch out his hand. Bokuto moves closer to him and grabs his hand. Akaashi moves further into the bed and pulls Bokuto to join him. Bokuto follows Akaashi’s lead and settles under the blanket. This time, it is Akaashi who puts his head on Bokuto’s chest and he guides Bokuto’s arm to wrap around him. Bokuto offers no resistance and begins tracing shapes on Akaashi’s back. Bokuto waits for Akaashi to initiate conversation. He doesn’t want to push Akaashi and rush him. Bokuto feels Akaashi’s hand ball into a fist on his chest. He moves his hand to Akaashi’s and gently unfolds his fingers, relieving Akaashi from whatever thoughts are tormenting him. Bokuto then fits his fingers between Akaashi’s fingers and starts rubbing their thumbs together. 

Akaashi releases a breath, encouraged by Bokuto. “I don’t want to talk about it. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s just…” He huffs. “I don’t know. I don’t want to talk about it.” He repeats himself, at a loss for words. Everything Akaashi had thought he could say couldn’t escape through his mouth, so they continue to dance around in his head.

“That’s okay. I’ll listen whenever you want to tell me, if you want to tell me at all.” Bokuto pushes Akaashi into him ever so gently by rubbing his back with his whole palm now instead of tracing shapes. Akaashi leans into Bokuto eagerly to hide his face.

“Thank you.” 

Akaashi closes his eyes to fully feel Bokuto’s warmth and presence on both his back and his hand.  _ Safe _ . Akaashi is so glad to have met Bokuto. He never knew there were people so compassionate. He never believed he didn’t have to explain himself, but Bokuto proved him wrong time and time again. Bokuto never ceases to amaze Akaashi with his patience and affection. His head that had been swarmed by unwelcome memories and people he wanted to forget was now encompassed with Bokuto. With a barely-there smile painted on his face, Bokuto’s heartbeat lulls Akaashi to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I struggled writing this one for some reason. I hope you all are doing well :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some cuteness and some sad, but dw it ends cute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Tazers. Not explicit. I will note it with ### before and after 
> 
> Hey everyone! I hope you'll enjoy this chapter, it's close to 5k words again. I have to travel and take care of my dad for his surgery this week, so it will probably be a week before I upload again. Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere and this fic will get finished. Please feel free to leave a comment. I love hearing from you all and I read every one.

A week has passed since Akaashi visited the gym and Bokuto hasn’t mentioned it once. Akaashi sits in the living room sipping on tea watching Kenma play Breath of the Wild feeling oddly relaxed considering he had only been there for a little over two weeks. Maybe Bokuto really has helped Akaashi build bonds better, or maybe Kenma and Kuroo have personalities that Akaashi enjoys. Kenma was working through the puzzles in the shrine, but he couldn’t figure out how to move the stage into the right position to conduct an electrical circuit. Kenma’s eyes grew increasingly focused seeming to never blink.

“Can I ask a question?” Akaashi starts. Kenma nods, not breaking his focus. “Don’t you get electrocuted if you’re wearing metal or carrying an iron sword?” Akaashi asks. Kenma stops moving his character and opens his inventory. He drops a sword and then moves it around with the sheikah slate. The green electricity passes through the sword and music plays as a cute scene shows a gate being lifted that had been surrounding a chest.

Kenma raises one hand to Akaashi, but his eyes stay glued to the tv. “Genius.” Akaashi high fives Kenma and smiles proud that he solved a puzzle Kenma couldn’t. 

Akaashi’s phone vibrates on the table. An unfamiliar phone number reads across the screen. Akaashi accepts the call expect a solicitor to start reciting “We have been trying to contact you about your vehicle’s extended warranty” but is surprised to be greeted with a strong timbre. “Hello, this is Officer Sawamura. Is this Keiji Akaashi?”

“Speaking.” Akaashi answers, slightly confused as to why Daichi is referring to himself and Akaashi so formally.

“I am calling referring to a burglary of your residence. We have located the suspect and have arrested them. They are currently in our custody. I am calling to inform you of these details. We were unable to locate the stolen items, unfortunately.”

“That’s okay. I’m just glad I can feel safer knowing they were arrested. Don’t worry yourself over the things taken, they can be replaced.” Akaashi lets a sigh of relief escape him. 

“I thought they stole your high school class ring? Isn’t that irreplaceable?” Daichi drops the formalities to ask this question.

“I never wanted it to begin with. Please, it’s okay. Thank you for your hard work, Officer Sawamura.” Akaashi feels silly addressing Daichi this way. 

“Of course. Have a good night Akaashi.” The call ends and Akaashi puts the phone back on the table.

Akaashi feels Kenma silently shaking on the other side of the couch. “What?” Akaashi prods. 

“Officer Sawamura huh?”

“He’s the one that was acting all formal.” Akaashi shrugs and leans back into the couch. “When are Kuroo and Bokuto coming back with dinner?” Kenma shrugs and returns to his game. 

Minutes later Bokuto and Kuroo walk in with chinese food that instantly has Akaashi out of his seat and making his way to the kitchen. He helps unpack the food with Bokuto and Kuroo walks food over to Kenma and kisses the top of his head. He spoils Kenma. Akaashi prefers to eat his food from the counter bending to meet his soup which gives Kuroo and Kenma the living room to themselves. Bokuto shovels his chicken and broccoli after mixing some white rice into the sauce. Akaashi really enjoys living here with Bokuto, Kuroo, and Kenma. He doesn’t feel so alone and he has fun just observing the roommates interactions. His favorite part of it all is how he gets to end his nights stroking Bokuto’s soft hair as he falls asleep against Bokuto’s warmth. But now that the burglar has been arrested, there’s no reason for Akaashi to stay here. He should go back to his apartment. He has to tell Bokuto about his phone call with Daichi, but part of him wants to have it remain a secret to preserve his spot in Bokuto’s bed. 

“Daichi called me earlier.” Akaashi admits.

“He did? What’d he call about?” Bokuto inquires, stuffing his face with a large broccoli.

“They arrested the person who stole from my apartment.” Akaashi stares into his soup, swirling his chopsticks through the noodles and vegetables. 

“That’s great! You probably feel safer now right?”

Always putting Akaashi’s feelings first. “Yeah. I guess I should go back now huh?”  _ Not that I want to. _

Bokuto’s smile fades and he pokes around his food. “I guess so.” Bokuto lifts a chicken to his mouth and chews deliberately. “It’ll probably take you some time to get your things back together and set up your apartment again, right? You can stay here until that’s done.”

Akaashi smiles, then finally lifts food to his mouth again. “You’re right. Thank you.”

When the night comes to an end, Akaashi is glad to be petting Bokuto’s head that feels at home in his chest. 

…

Akaashi returns to Bokuto’s apartment after a long day at work. He hated working doubles since his break in. He walks through the doorway and sees the kitchen table covered with a plastic sheet topped with white mugs and an array of paints with paint brushes scattered between all of the items.

“AKAASHI!!!!” Bokuto barrels over like the buffet at a party just opened and you hadn’t eaten beforehand. “Surprise!”

“What’s going on here?” Akaashi peers at the table.

“I thought we could celebrate you moving back to your apartment by decorating some mugs. I know your favorite mug was ruined and you liked the mug my mom gave me, so I thought you could make a new mug to be your favorite!” He smiles brighter than the sun. 

Suddenly no longer feeling the exhaustion from work, Akaashi smiles back at Bokuto. “You’re so thoughtful. Thank you.” Akaashi moves to the table and surveys the cups and colors. He notices there are eight cups. “Bokuto, are you expecting guests?”

“No, why?” He hands Akaashi an apron to protect his clothes and Bokuto has on an old shirt that already has all sorts of stains on it ranging from paint to grass.

“There are eight cups here.” Akaashi points out. “Isn’t that a bit too much for two people? I can’t even think of one design, forget four.”

“Oh. I got extras just in case we ruin one or drop it. Think of them as back ups or like a safety net.” Bokuto reassures.

“That’s a good idea.” Akaashi remarks. Bokuto probably has learned from his past mistakes doing arts and crafts and took measures to prevent making either of them upset.  _ Always thoughtful. _ “How about this. Let’s make one for ourselves, and then one for each other.” Akaashi wants to give Bokuto something, and this is an easy excuse to do just that without it feeling awkward or like he’s coming onto him. Because he doesn’t want a relationship. 

“Last time we made each other things you ran away.” Bokuto lowered his gaze. Akaashi feels a hammer drilling a nail of guilt into his chest. Akaashi mimics Bokuto’s movement and dips his head, grabbing at his fingers. He would whisper an apology, but his throat is so tight he is sure his voice would fail him. Bokuto raises his head. “Just promise you won’t run away.” 

Akaashi raises his head. His eyes are a little wider than usual. “We can make one for each other if you promise you won’t run away. If something upsets you, we will sit together and talk through it. No pushing people away, no ignoring texts and calls, no keeping feelings to yourself. Promise you’ll stay.” Bokuto is soft yet firm explaining his rules and expectations. Akaashi’s eyes go glassy and he nods feverishly. “I need you to say it.” 

“Yes.” Akaashi croaks. “I promise.” Akaashi takes a steadying breath. “I promise I won’t run away if I get upset.”

“Okay.” Bokuto slaps his thighs as he lowers himself into a seat at the table, as if to reset the dark mood they found themselves in with the loud noise. He starts to gather a mug and a paper plate for a makeshift paint palette. His face no longer shows any signs of concern or upset.

Akaashi, on the other hand, moves slowly and carefully repositions a mug in front of him. His eyes still have a shine of wetness and his hooded eyelids hold the weight of his guilt. Akaashi leans his head in his hand mulling over what to paint on a mug. He thinks about the things that remind him of Bokuto, things Bokuto has expressed he likes, but still doesn’t know what he wants to put on a mug made just for Bokuto. Should it be silly? Should it have a motivational quote? It’ll mostly be used in the morning right? So then it should have something you’d like to start the day with. Though, Bokuto was always up before Akaashi because he either had work or went for a run, so Akaashi doesn’t know if Bokuto even drinks coffee in the morning. Akaashi interrupts his thoughts by looking at Bokuto, who seems to be having no trouble at all. His tongue is sticking out to the side of his mouth as he has full focus on the lines he makes with his paintbrush. Akaashi’s eyebrows scrunch together glaring at the blank mug, upset that he is having such a hard time thinking of  _ one _ idea. Bokuto puts his brush down to sip his water. Akaashi feels a foot stroking his. He immediately lifts his head and his eyebrows return to normal. Bokuto sends him a smile, then retracts his foot and returns to his mug. This is what makes being around Bokuto so easy. He notices when Akaashi is upset, but doesn’t ask him to disclose why. Bokuto just accepts people’s emotions and finds a way to soothe them. If they want to talk about it, he will listen, but he will never pressure or threaten you to reveal your thoughts. Akaashi doesn’t understand how to do that. He always focuses on why he feels a certain way, which makes sudden unexplainable feelings absolutely unbearable. 

A lightbulb flickers over Akaashi’s head and suddenly he is grabbing for paints and squeezing them onto his plate. He’s excited. Bokuto must have noticed the movement because he pauses his work to smile. Akaashi decorates the cup with a warm smile feeling at home on his face. His eyes that were glassy and wet threatening to let waves escape them now hold the fondness of a child watching their parents reading a bedtime story. “I’m finished with your mug.” Akaashi announces, eager to give it to Bokuto. 

“Good timing because I just finished yours too.” Bokuto responds, balancing the paintbrush on the plate. 

“You go first.” Akaashi requests. 

“Alright.” Bokuto moves the mug he worked on in front of Akaashi. It is a dark blue and purple mix on one side and orange and yellow on the other. The blue side has an owl with glowing yellow eyes with “Night Owl” written in a matching yellow above it. The yellow side says “Morning Bird” written in light blue with an owl stretching its wings beneath it. “See, this way you can use this mug at any time of the day!” Bokuto beams.

Akaashi stares in awe. He smiles as Bokuto explains why he chose this particular design and twists the mug on the table taking in every brush stroke. “I love it. Thank you Bokuto.”

“My turn!” Bokuto cheers. Akaashi slides the mug across the table. He hadn’t painted over the whole mug like Bokuto did, which left most of the mug its default white. The rim and handle is painted gold, “to match his eyes” Akaashi had thought as he brushed the color on. There is a pink bunny and brown bear with a blue bow tie next to each other. Akaashi hopes Bokuto will recognize them, as well as the quote he painted. Bokuto reads out loud, “There is no safer place I know than tucked in a corner of a cafe in Paris with a bottle of rosé and an afternoon to spare.” Akaashi is holding his breath staring at Bokuto who hasn’t lifted his eyes from the mug. Akaashi doesn’t know how to read the expression Bokuto wears as he continues staring. “Akaashi.” Bokuto breathes his name. “I-” Words must have failed him because he no longer tried to form words as he stood up and made his way over to Akaashi. Akaashi stood from his chair to face Bokuto which made it all the easier for Bokuto to wrap Akaashi in a bone crushing hug.

“Do you like it?” Akaashi asks, hesitant to hug back, afraid he might misinterpret Bokuto’s reaction.

“I love it. I love it so much Akaashi. Thank you.”

Akaashi surrenders his breath and holds Bokuto back. He holds as tightly as he can. He never wants to let Bokuto go. He wants Bokuto in his life, in his arms, in his bed. Bokuto has made Akaashi feel the safest he has ever been in all his life. Bokuto recognizes Akaashi and gives him what he needs. A hand squeeze, a rub of his foot, a dazzling smile. He hands out trust that is easy to take advantage of, but he doesn’t mind. He makes Akaashi want to trust him. He’s just simply amazing. Simply himself, never putting on an act. Every word from his mouth, every expression he shows, they’re all 100% Bokuto. It’s inspiring.  _ He’s a star. The brightest star in the world. _

They break their everlasting hug but hold each other at their arms. Akaashi notices the sparkle dancing in Bokuto’s eyes from holding a line of tears. Akaashi lifts his hand to Bokuto’s face and wipes at one of Bokuto’s eyes. “I’m glad you like it.” 

Bokuto lets out a wet chuckle and wipes the other side of his face before crashing into a softer, more tender hug, resting his head on Akaashi’s shoulder. 

…

Akaashi is surprised how much fun he is having at Suga and Daichi’s apartment. Mostly everyone is there. The only people missing are Noya, probably out on a date with Asahi, and Iwaizumi who is scheduled for the night shift tonight. Currently, everyone is taking turns throwing an apple at each other trusting someone else to catch it before it hits. It all started when Suga threw Kenma a water bottle a little too forcefully and Kuroo’s cat-like reflexes stopped it in front of Kenma’s face. Suga teased saying he had “boyfriend reflexes” Kuroo challenged Suga and Daichi. Akaashi was quick to dissolve into the couch next to Kenma hoping to not be noticed for two reasons: trust, and the implication of a boyfriend. Unfortunately, he was called on to catch the apple for Bokuto. He tried to redirect it towards Kuroo and Bokuto stating “Their bromance is too real, I think you should test it out Suga.” Suga gave him a skeptical look, but graciously took his bait. Daichi excused himself from the rambunctious group and sat beside Akaashi.

“Have you moved back into your apartment yet?” He starts a conversation.

“Yeah. We brought my stuff back today actually.” Akaashi distinctly remembers placing his new favorite mug into his cabinet earlier in the day. “I will miss my roommates though.” He nudges Kenma. “They’re really great company.”

“It’s always tough leaving great roommates. They make mundane days better just by eating with you.” Akaashi hums in agreement. “You’re welcome over here anytime Akaashi. Suga and I think you’re a good friend.”

Akaashi analyzes Daichi’s face.  _ Does he really mean that? Even after that incident, Daichi doesn’t hate me? _ “Really?” 

“Of course Akaashi.” Daichi claps Akaashi on the back with a hearty laugh that fills the room. Akaashi is winded from the force of Daichi’s pat. In a slightly more serious tone, Daichi adds, “You were under a lot of stress that night. I don’t hold that against you. I’m just glad you seem better.” Daichi’s smile holds the warmth of an indoor fireplace in the living room cracking as it snows outside. One that makes you feel like a part of an intimate family. 

“I’m sor-” Akaashi stops himself from continuing his apology, remembering Bokuto’s advice. It was easy to thank Bokuto, so it had been a while since Akaashi had to forcefully correct himself. “Thank you for understanding Daichi.” Akaashi is nearly interrupted by a loud electrifying noise.

#######

“Oi!” Daichi calls, turning his attention to the other three. “What do you think you’re doing with my work gear?”

“They were teasing me too much and I warned them I’d get your taser, but that just seemed to excite them.” Suga explains. 

“It isn’t a toy you guys.” Daichi’s reprimanding tone is scary, but it somehow doesn’t affect Kuroo at all.

“Oh come on Dai. Have some fun. Don’t take away our fun!” Kuroo whines. “It’s not like we’ll sue you or break it. We just wanna taze each other!”

Daichi’s steely composure cracks. “Fine.” 

Bokuto, Kuroo, and Suga take turns tazing each other. The first time to see what it's like, and then they made games out of it - seeing who spills the most water trying to drink or carry a plastic cup of water from the counter to the table. Akaashi can’t seem to breathe properly. Akaashi tries placing himself somewhere different, dissociating to not hear the noise. 

“Oi Akaashi! Wanna try?” Kuroo calls out. “What about you Kenma?”

Akaashi only manages to shake his head no.

"C’mon it’s okay. It doesn't even hurt much. The worst part is how scary the noise is" Bokuto explains and Suga powers the taser to demonstrate the sound. Akaashi jumps at the sound and rushes to lock himself in the bathroom. It’s the only place Akaashi can have privacy without leaving or invading Suga and Daichi’s privacy. Bokuto follows after him, allowing the door to close and lock before sitting down against it. Akaashi doing the same on the other side. 

#######

"I'm sorry we spooked you back there. We were having fun and we wanted you to join in too. We should've listened to you when you said no.  _ I _ should have listened to you when you said no. I’m sorry we were dumb and upset you. We won't bring it up when you come out, so don't worry about that.” Bokuto pauses. “Is it okay if I hug you? I want to comfort you. That is, if you’ll open the door.” There’s no answer. “Akaashi, can you knock on the door twice if you hear me?” 

*knock knock* 

“Okay that’s good. If you want me to hug you just open the door. If you want me to stay here but not hug you knock once. If you want me to leave you alone, knock twice.” 

*knock* 

“Okay. Do you want me to talk about other things or do you want me to be quiet?”

*knock* 

“Oh haha sorry I didn't assign knock answers. If you want me to be quiet-" 

Akaashi interrupts "Please talk about other things Bokuto." His voice slightly shakes as he tries to breathe out the words in one breath.

"Oh uh okay. Well. Today I saw this lady wearing a really cool outfit. It was purple leggings with colorful flowers, like you'd see from the 60s or 70s. All yellows and blues and greens. And the top was a solid yellow with purple straps. I wonder if they have a set like that but for men. I'm sure my older clients would get a kick out of it.” His laughter is muffled by the door between them, but it still reaches Akaashi. “I also came across a stray cat. It reminded me of Kenma in the way its eyes glowed at me. Oh! Yesterday I was in the park on a run when I saw someone reading a book in the shade under a tree. It reminded me of you. I was actually kinda upset when I realized it wasn't you. It made me miss the pout on your face as you concentrate. Like when we made those mugs together. I really like how long your fingers are even if it makes your hands bigger than mine.” Bokuto doesn’t even notice where his words were leading him or what kind of effect they might have on Akaashi. He is just speaking his thoughts as they come to him. “I notice you fumble your fingers together a lot. Do you do that when you're nervous? I hope not because you do it around me a lot and I don't want to make you nervous. I only want you to feel embarrassed at best because that's how I know my flirting is working. Of course I don't want you to feel rushed by anything just because I'm eager. You're really cool and I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I'd be dumb to let myself ruin whatever it is that I have with the smartest, most beautiful, incredible pers-" 

*knock knock* 

"You want me to stop talking?"

*knock* 

"Okay. Knock once if you want me to stay and twice if you want me to leave" 

*knock* 

"Okay. Knock once-" 

"Quiet please" 

"Okay. I'll be here. Take your time". A couple minutes pass and Suga gives a glance to Bokuto. 

"Is everything okay? Its been awhile. Do you want a drink or something to eat?" 

Bokuto turns to the door. "One for yes two for no." 

*knock knock* 

"No thanks. Thanks for asking though." Another few minutes pass and Bokuto falls backwards as the door creaks open. He rises to his feet and he's met with swollen red eyes. 

"Uhm," Akaashi croaked "does the hug offer still stand or has it expired?"

Bokuto softly embraces Akaashi, digging his face into Akaashi’s hair. "My hug offers never expire and are unlimited." 

They stood together for a moment until Akaashi broke the hug. "i'm sorry I took you away from your friends for so long. It was selfish."

"Hey don't say that." He cupped Akaashi’s cheeks to look into his swollen, glassy, gunmetal eyes. "Your feelings are important. So much more important. I don't want to make you upset."

"Are you afraid of me?"

"What? No! I just don't like it when you're sad." Akaashi hummed. "Well are you hungry? Pizza might be a little cold but I'm sure they saved some slices for us." Akaashi hummed. "Would you rather go home? I can take you home" 

Akaashi searched Bokuto’s eyes. His face. And then fell forwards landing his head on Bokuto's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I want to go home."

Bokuto rubs his back. "Shh shh don't be sorry. It's okay to want to go home. Don't worry Kenma does this sometimes too."

"What? Lock himself in the bathroom to cry for God knows how long and then leave immediately after?" Akaashi lifted his head to deliver his sarcasm. 

"We all have our days." Bokuto shrugged "C'mon, let's go get our stuff and say bye." 

Akaashi apologized for his behavior, but his friends were all quick to put out his pity with jabs at each other when they were at their lows. Surprisingly enough, Kenma had previously locked himself in a room to escape the gathering and then just left once he emerged again. It made Akaashi feel less guilty.

On their way to Akaashi’s apartment they pass a halal cart on the corner. “Is that you Akaashi?” The man in the cart inquires. 

“Mo! How are you?!” Akaashi’s voice rings in the night. Bokuto is surprised to see him so excited after how upset he had been just before, but he is glad to see Akaashi smiling again. “Geez how long has it been?”

“Two years,” the man named Mo smiles and leans further out the service window of the cart. His brown skin is leathery and his hairline is receding.

“How was Egypt? Did you get to see your granddaughter a lot?” Akaashi looks so happy. 

“I did. Who are you with here tonight?” He stretches out his hand. “The name’s Mo.”

“Mo, this is Bokuto, my friend. Bokuto, this is Mo, also my friend.” Akaashi smiles ear to ear. Bokuto extends his hand and exchanges a very firm handshake. 

“Nice to meet you. How did you meet Akaashi?” Bokuto strikes up a conversation.

“Poor guy was crying walking back to his apartment after a tough shift. So many customers took their anger out on him.” Mo starts explaining. 

“I used to work at a restaurant at night. I didn’t stay too long.” Akaashi gives Bokuto sparknotes to follow Mo’s story. 

“He came up as I was locking the cart and asked if he could still buy a drink. He looked pretty upset so I gave it to him for free and he has been frequenting my cart since then. Well, up until I went back to Egypt for two years to have family time.” Mo had a lot of energy for a man who looks like he has experienced so much of life.

“Wow. That was really kind of you.” Bokuto praises.

“What can I say, it’s who I am. What about you, how’d you meet Akaashi?” Mo returns the question to Bokuto.

Akaashi snickers, which doesn’t go unnoticed by Mo who has a perplexed look. “Well, he was reading in the park and I was throwing a frisbee around with friends in the field and the frisbee ended up hitting Akaashi in the face giving him a bloody nose.” Bokuto rubs his neck, a little embarrassed that his love story started in a less-than-romantic way. 

Mo laughs and wheezes when Bokuto finishes his story. “My my Akaashi don’t you have a way of making friends.”

Akaashi shrugs. “At least the people I consider friends are good people.” Bokuto heats up under the praise. 

“Both of you take a drink. What can I make for ya tonight?”

“Typical gyro for me: no tomato and add white sauce please.” Akaashi orders and turns to Bokuto.

“I know your order by now Akaashi.” Mo teases.

“It’s been two years. I can’t tell how reliable your memory is if that’s how you remember how we met.” Akaashi teases right back. Mo just gives him a wink and toothy smile. “What would you like Bokuto?”

“Uhm. Can I have lamb and rice with white sauce and hot sauce please?”

“You sure you want the hot sauce?” Mo warns. Bokuto nods his head. 

They share more small talk and then say their goodbyes as Akaashi and Bokuto get back to Akaashi’s apartment. 

“Would you stay the night here with me? Please? I… I’d feel safer with you here tonight and… I don’t want to be alone right now.” Akaashi stares at the floor, embarrassed and ashamed remembering his behavior at Suga and Daichi’s.

“Of course.” He brushes a hand up and down Akaashi’s arm. “Do you want to be big spoon or little spoon tonight?” He asks casually as they eat the free food. 

“Can I be little spoon tonight? I just want to be held right now.” Akaashi admits. 

“Anything you want.” Bokuto declares. 

That night, Akaashi curls up with both hands and his head on Bokuto’s chest as Bokuto lays on his side holding him in his strong, gentle arms. Akaashi’s mind doesn’t replay his evening’s nightmares nor does he overthink about everyone’s reaction to him. He just relishes in the safety Bokuto provides simply by just being here. Bokuto’s soothing hand slows to a stop as he falls asleep. Akaashi lands a lazy peck, not needing to put much effort in considering the little space between his lips and Bokuto’s chest. “Thank you.” Akaashi whispers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed.  
> Fun Fact, much like the homeless woman in the first chapter, Mo the Halal guy is inspired by a real person! I made up some of his backstory, but he is from Egypt and named Mo and worked in a halal cart on the street where I dormed in college. My story is that I was going back to my dorm after working at a restaurant (that made me miserable for not the same reason as Akaashi), and I wanted to get a soda as he was closing. He was making small talk as he unlocked the drinks and I told him it was my 18th birthday (The first one I had away from all friends and family bc college). He gave it to me for free and he would always give me free food when I visited. truly a great guy who helped a poor college student eat. :) 
> 
> Reminder, it'll probably take me a week to update again because of my dad's surgery. I'll see you all then! :)


	10. Thankful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I was able to write enough to get a chapter out today. I have to drive all day tomorrow and the next chapter is going to be long so you can expect another update in a couple days :)
> 
> EDIT: The next chapter is in 3 parts in my head and the first part is already over 2k words. Considering posting it in parts or just waiting till its all done and posting it as one chapter. lmk what you guys prefer

Akaashi is on the Long Island Railroad (LIRR) on his way back to the city. He just spent the weekends at his parents house on Long Island for Thanksgiving. He loves his parents and he knows that his parents love him. It’s just hard for him to form a close bond with them. He had been so closed off previously it feels weird to share more than what’s necessary with them. When they went around the table to say what they were thankful for, Akaashi said he was thankful that he has new friends who support him. His parents tried to mask their excitement, Akaashi had admitted he had  _ friends _ , and casually inquired about his new friends during dinner. Akaashi had a small smile on his face as he found it easy to talk about Bokuto and surprisingly Oikawa too. Although, it should be easy to talk about Oikawa considering they’d been friends for years, albeit because they were coworkers.

Akaashi rests his head on the window with his eyes closed, remembering where he’s headed to. Bokuto had called it “Friendsgiving”. Oikawa had looked over Akaashi’s shoulder and saw the text and insisted Akaashi say he had plans with Oikawa already, but they could change their plans and go to Bokuto’s together, that would be okay. Akaashi reprimanded Oikawa for insisting he lie, but Oikawa pleaded saying he wants to actually meet Bokuto and his friends. He wants to know who Akaashi is hanging out with and making him so happy. That earned a blush and a “fine” growled back at him. Akaashi was letting Oikawa into his life, no longer holding him at arm's length away. Sometimes he wishes he hadn’t, but only because of how nosey Oikawa is. He doesn’t actually regret it. 

Oikawa drops his bag off at his apartment and carries his mom’s homemade mashed potatoes to the library to meet Oikawa who holds a tray covered in tin foil. 

“Happy Thanksgiving” Akaashi announces his presence to Oikawa.

“Happy Thanksgiving to you too Akaashi” Oikawa smiles. They walk in tandem to Bokuto’s apartment.

“HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!” the room roars as Bokuto opens the door and has his free arm raised to emphasize the excitement and show off the full apartment. 

Akaashi is in awe at the sight. The apartment had been rearranged to accommodate a large folding table with a tablecloth decorated with leaves on top and folding chairs all around for each person to sit at. The food was prepped on the table, but stayed covered to keep their warmth. Everyone was wearing a button down or knitted sweater. Bokuto’s sweater was a burnt orange and curved around his shoulders and arms tightly. Akaashi wore a tan sweater that hung off of him, nowhere near as form fitting as Bokuto’s. In each of their heads, they thought the other looked very appealing. 

“Happy thanksgiving Bokuto. This is Oikawa, you remember from our first hangout?”

“Oh yeah! The one that made you get all tense in the poetry section!” Bokuto exclaims. “Yes, yes, that’s me.” Oikawa nonchalantly agrees. “It’s nice to formally meet you Bokuto.” Oikawa reaches out his hand. When Bokuto reaches his hand Oikawa leans next to Bokuto’s ear and whispers, “He talks about you a lot.” Bokuto’s face is flustered when Oikawa leans back and releases his hand. 

“Come on in” Bokuto chokes on his words struggling to keep his composure. 

Akaashi and Oikawa walk to the table to add their dishes to the table. “Happy Thanksgiving everyone. This is my friend and coworker-” 

“You.” Akaashi was interrupted by a gruff, low voice as Iwaizumi raised from his chair. 

Akaashi follows Iwaizumi’s gaze to Oikawa who seems to have a pink color on his cheeks. His lips are pressed together in a wobbly line.  _ Is… Oikawa flustered? _ Oikawa clears his throat and ticks his head to the side.  _ A sign of annoyance? Or trying to reset himself?  _ Akaashi is trying to understand Oikawa’s behavior that he has never seen before.

“Well, who would have thought I’d see  _ you _ here.” Oikawa squeezes through his teeth. 

“Definitely not me.” Iwaizumi growls back.

“OOO There’s a story here and I want to know it.” Suga cheers and wags his finger between Iwaizumi and Oikawa before plopping his head into his hands, leaning his elbows on the table. 

“Don’t be rude.” Daichi chastises Suga. 

“He’s the one that gave me this scar and 4 stitches.” Iwaizumi points to a place on his hairline.

“Don’t worry, only people taller than you can even see that, like me.” Oikawa coos and leans a little closer. 

“You little shit.” Iwaizumi’s eyes are full of rage. 

“Oikawa,” Akaashi grabs his arm as Daichi calls “Iwaizumi,” and grabs his arm. 

“Oh ho ho your name is Iwaizumi. Shame you never told me before. I could have been calling you Iwa while recounting my story instead of some beefcake.” Oikawa teases.

_ What is he trying to do? _ Akaashi wonders.

“I guess I should start calling you Shittykawa if we are handing out stupid nicknames. You know, since you’re such a little shit.” Iwaizumi retorts.

“Wait. This is the guy you glassed?!” Akaashi exclaims in horror.

“Yup.” Oikawa looks as smug as ever. “You forgot I poured my drink on him before then, too.”

Suga can’t hold his laughter in anymore and bursts out laughing punctuating his enthusiasm by slamming an open palm down onto the table with no set rhythm. Noya and Kuroo join, adding their rambunctious laughter into the air. Kenma keeps his laugh to himself covered by his hand.

“Wait, this was the night I left you at the bar right?” Bokuto asks Iwaizumi. “That was the night you called me Akaashi, when your apartment was robbed.” Bokuto turns back to Iwaizumi. “I thought you were having a good time, how did you end up getting a drink poured on you AND a glass into the head?” 

Iwaizumi’s face goes red. From anger or embarrassment, Akaashi can’t tell. “As if I could be having a good time with this self absorbed asshole!” Iwaizumi yells an answer. 

“Hey the only thing I’m absorbed in are those arms attached to your body.” Oikawa retorts. This only further confuses Akaashi. 

“Alright alright let's just settle down now why don’t we?” Daichi interrupts, de escalating the situation like the well practiced cop he is. “Let’s enjoy the dinner set up here?”

Oikawa huffs and takes one of the open seats next to Akaashi. “That’s fine with me.” Oikawa sends a smile to Iwaizumi along with a wink. Iwaizumi growls and lowers himself back into his seat next to-

“Asahi?” Akaashi finally notices his other coworker sitting between Noya and Iwaizumi. 

“Hi Akaashi, Oikawa,” he says in a small voice and a hand raised as a wave, but resembles a student responding to roll call. “Happy Thanksgiving.”

Noya lets out an amused laugh. “This is the barista I’d come to flirt with at the library.” He explains to Akaashi. “You were right, he did just need some time to get comfortable with me!”

Asahi sends a panicked look to Akaashi to which Akaashi responds with lightning speed with his hand up indicating him to stop. “I didn’t know which one he was interested in. I just know all three of you baristas are timid.” He calmly and quickly explains and Asahi lets out a long sigh of relief.

“I’m starving, lets dig in!” Bokuto calls out and everyone begins unwrapping the containers of food. 

Everyone works together passing their plates and food around so everyone gets a little bit of everything. Akaashi is having a great time being in such a friendly atmosphere, despite the tension that lingers between Oikawa and Iwaizumi. He hears people laughing when Suga dots Daichi’s nose with his mom’s mashed potatoes, he sees Kuroo piling turkey onto Kenma’s plate who had only taken a slice of the apple pie Suga had baked calling that Kenma needed more protein, and he feels warmth bubble in his chest for having people to share holidays with. Akaashi’s breath hitches as he feels overwhelmed with the happiness that comes from sharing time with friends.

“Are you okay Akaashi?” Bokuto leans toward Akaashi to whisper to him. “You haven’t touched your food.”

Akaashi blinks back his tears and faces Bokuto. “Yeah I’m fine. Just really touched right now. Thank you for inviting me Bokuto.”

Bokuto squeezes Akaashi’s hand under the table and gives him the kind of smile one has when they watch someone do what they love. 

…

Akaashi is taking inventory of the books when Oikawa comes waddling into the library.

“Please don’t tell me how your night went if it left you walking like that Oikawa.” Akaashi warns instead of greeting him hello.

“Pervert.” Oikawa shoots back. “It’s not like that. I was exercising this morning and it turns out I was overconfident in my abilities.”

“Shocking for  _ you _ to admit.” Akaashi quips.

Oikawa rolls his eyes, too tired to bicker with Akaashi. Oikawa settles into the back room to do some work on the computer, opting to sit in a chair instead of walking around the store reshelving. A few minutes pass and Akaashi spots Iwaizumi opening the door.

“Good morning.” Akaashi greets with a devilish smile.

“Hey Akaashi. Is Oikawa here? He left his wallet at the gym.” Iwaizumi holds up a brown leather folding wallet. ‘ _ To match my hair see _ ?’ Oikawa had shown it off when he first bought it. 

Akaashi hums and nods his head in approval. “Oikawa, I need your help over here for a second.” He calls out. Moments later, Oikawa is practically tumbling out of the office using the wall to support him slightly.

“What is it you need Akaash-” Oikawa freezes in his place. Akaashi stifles a snort. Oikawa stands straight and places his hands on his hips. “What do you need help with Iwa? Or is it that you miss me already?” 

“Don’t act like you weren’t just as graceful as a toddler.” Iwaizumi hisses back. “You left your wallet at the gym.”

“And you came all this way to deliver it to me. Oh Iwa you’re so kind, truly my knight in shining armor.” Oikawa places a hand on his chest. 

Iwaizumi growls and tosses his wallet at Oikawa. “Shut it.” He demands.

“Is that truly what you want?” He catches the wallet that was expertly aimed for his middle chest. “Or are you just embarrassed that someone else is listening in on my praises for you?” Oikawa’s eyes hold something so mischievous and much too inappropriate for this setting.

Akaashi’s face heats up similarly to Iwaizumi’s. Akaashi promptly takes his leave from Oikawa’s unabashed words and goes to the cafe. When greeted by Yamaguchi, Yachi, and Asahi, Akaashi still couldn’t form words. When Asahi handed him his drink all Akaashi said was “Iwaizumi and Oikawa.” Asahi joined Akaashi in a similar paralyzing fear. Akaashi made his way back and was surprised to see Iwaizumi still there talking to Oikawa. He was giving Oikawa advice on how to take care of himself. 

Akaashi approaches and lets curiosity get the better of him. “What made you go to the gym this morning anyway Oikawa?”

“It’s because he’s a stalker.” Iwaizumi answers.

“You call me such mean things Iwa. I’m a client.” Oikawa rephrases. 

Akaashi rolls his eyes and starts to tend to the library, but before he gets too far he turns around and adds “Tell Bokuto I say hi when you get back to the gym.” 

…

Akaashi is cooking dinner as Bokuto is connecting Akaashi’s laptop to his newer tv. “I don’t know where he got this idea from, but I can already tell it's going to bite him in the ass,” Bokuto says, fixing wires. 

“It is an interesting concept though.” Akaashi answers. 

Kenma is doing a live stream where for every sub he gets he will add 10 minutes to his live stream. Bokuto and Akaashi often watch Kenma’s streams at Akaashi’s apartment. They love supporting their friend and spending time together. It is a win win.

Kenma started with playing competitive super smash brothers in duos with an online friend whose username is  **crow1.0** . Kenma’s username is famously  **Kodzuken** . They did well and took a break after a couple hours. His online friend had to leave so Kenma switched to playing call of duty warzone. After a total of five hours on stream, Kenma had about 25 minutes left on the countdown clock he had in the corner of his screen. Kenma started rubbing his eyes more often. It was getting close to 11:30PM at this point. Suddenly, Akaashi sits up from his lying position on the couch. Bokuto looks at him with an eyebrow raised, his hands still over Akaashi’s legs that were positioned in his lap. 

“You wanna see something funny?” Akaashi asks with mischief written on his face like a kid. Bokuto nods and Akaashi rushes to his laptop. A walking cat gif appears in the corner of Kenma’s stream with writing underneath reading “ **Owl95 has gifted 5 subs** ”. Kenma presses the heels of his hands into his eyes and leans all the way back in his chair. An exasperated groan leaves his mouth and Bokuto and Akaashi relish in their laughter over their friend’s frustration. Akaashi soon hears his phone ringing and he answers the phone on speaker. Akaashi cannot stop smiling widely as his plan was executed perfectly.

“You fucker!” Kenma cries into his phone on stream. Kenma doesn’t have his call on speaker so Akaashi and Bokuto’s laugh were concealed to just Kenma’s ears. The chat scrolls by quickly with “L”s and laughing emojis. “Now I have to be on for another hour!” Akaashi and Bokuto couldn’t stop laughing long enough to get a word out and Kenma hung up. He continued mumbling curses on his stream. 

Soon enough, the walking cat gif was back informing Kenma that another fan had followed Akaashi’s lead and gifted Kenma 5 subs as well. Kenma cried no as the cat popped up again with another user’s name. Kenma flung his headset off his head and his door slammed open and shut. He returned quickly with another water bottle and a pb&j. “You all suck and I hate every single one of you.” Kenma punctuates his message by pointing his water bottle at the camera. 

Bokuto’s phone lit up with a text from Kuroo.

**Kuroo:** You guys are so mean now I'll have to go to bed alone :(

**Kuroo:** But that was really funny 

The two continued watching the stream and people were being ruthless adding an hour worth of subs when the countdown would get to 10 minutes. Akaashi must have fallen asleep at some point because he now had a blanket draped over him that he hadn’t put there, and poor Kenma was still streaming. Akaashi shuffles himself into a sitting position taking a survey of the room. Akaashi stops when he sees Bokuto has fallen asleep sitting up. His arms are crossed on his chest and his head hangs forward. Akaashi studies the curves of Bokuto’s face, the way his lips are parted and seem to pout slightly. He snores softly due to the angle of his head Akaashi assumes because he had never snored before.  _ So, so cute _ . Akaashi wraps the blanket that was on him around Bokuto and slightly shakes Bokuto awake.

“Hey Bokuto. Why don’t we go lie down? You won’t sleep well like that on the couch.” Akaashi’s voice is low, soft, and soothing, afraid to startle the sleepy man.

Bokuto makes some noises that don’t seem to indicate yes or no, nor resemble any words. He manages only to lift his head and look at Akaashi. “Hmmm” Bokuto hums with a smile and closed eyes and leans onto Akaashi. His arms slowly move around Akaashi in a hug. 

“Can you stand with me Bokuto?” Akaashi tries.

Bokuto shakes his head no on Akaashi’s shoulder and groans slowly.

Akaashi looks around the room trying to think of how to move Bokuto, but then he looks down at the man holding onto him. He realizes he doesn’t want to move from him either. Akaashi moves to the other side of the couch and gets comfortable bringing his feet up. He holds his arms out as an invitation and Bokuto gladly accepts with a sleepy smile on his face. He nuzzles into Akaashi’s chest and manages to get his arms completely around Akaashi despite already laying into the couch. “Goodnight Bokuto.”

“Hmm Mmm” Bokuto responds.

Akaashi hides his smile in Bokuto’s hair as Kenma’s stream continues to play in the background. 

Kenma’s stream lasts 36 hours.


	11. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas, New Years, and *gasp* character development? back story?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys... This chapter is 10K! I hope you all enjoy it. I have been looking forward to writing this chapter since I had the idea for the third part of this chapter. There is fluff! There is angst! You will (hopefully) feel a lot of emotions on this roller coaster of a chapter. Enjoy!!! : )

Akaashi is upset that his parents decided that they will go on a family cruise to Canada to celebrate Christmas this year. Now that Akaashi is an adult they no longer have to worry about the illusion of Santa and waking up to a tree surrounded by presents. They weren’t ever really religious to begin with anyway. But Akaashi had found people he wanted to spend holidays with. Unfortunately, the ten day trip starts on December 20th, but that means Akaashi will get back in New York just in time for New Years. Before he left, he asked Bokuto to spend New Years Eve together with everyone, to which Bokuto quickly and enthusiastically agreed. 

Right now, Akaashi is bringing Auntie Anne's pretzel bites to his parents waiting for their train in Penn Station. 

"Thank you dear." Akaashi's mom sings. She has made it a rule that she will not go on a train until she has that blue cup of pretzel bites in her hands. 

"Have any plans for new years son?" Akaashi's dad asks. 

"I'm going to my friends apartment with the people I told you about on Thanksgiving." Akaashi explains. 

"I'm so glad you've finally made friends here." Akaashi's mom admits. Akaashi doesn't know how to take this statement so he just nods his head silently. 

Akaashi takes a seat next to his mom and snags one of the pretzel bites with his long thin fingers. He wants to be insulted by his mother's remark, but he's happy he has finally made friends too. "I was upset at first that I wouldn't be with them for their holiday party, but I'm really happy I got to spend so much time with you both. It was a really nice trip. Thank you." 

"Awww," Akaashi's mom coos as she squeezes Akaashi. "Merry Christmas Keiji."

"We're glad you enjoyed yourself. Merry Christmas." Akaashi's dad adds. Soon a crowd of people start rushing all in one direction. "I guess the track was announced." He slaps his knees as he stands up with a grunt. "Have a happy new year Keiji." Akaashi stands to hug his father. 

"Goodbye sweetheart!" His mother kisses his cheek. "Don't forget to call us sometimes okay!" 

Akaashi waves to his parents as they turn to follow the crowd. Once they're descending to the tracks Akaashi pulls out his phone. 

**Bokuto:** Hey hey hey! You get home today right? Welcome back to NYC!!! :D Solid land must feel weird after being on a boat for so long

_ He remembered I come home today.  _

**Akaashi:** I do come home today. I just saw my parents off at Penn. I'm heading home now. I've been on land throughout the cruise for each stop so land still feels normal. 

Akaashi tucks his phone into his pocket and rolls his suitcase through the crowded station towards the subways. He hates the space he takes up with a suitcase but tries to remedy it by holding his suitcase between his knees on the subway. Akaashi exits the station and faces the bitter cold wind whipping his face until he reaches his apartment's lobby. His cheeks and nose are rosy from his fight against the wind and opts to take the elevator with his luggage in place of climbing the stairs. When the silver doors open on his floor he steps out and then stops in his tracks. 

_ Home.  _

Bokuto stands in front of Akaashi's apartment door in a knitted blue sweater with reindeer printed across the chest and white snowflakes covering the rest. He holds a red gift bag in his hand that has green red and white tissue paper sticking out the top. To top it all off he wears a Santa hat. He holds a second one between his fingers that also hold his phone. Bokuto is taking turns looking at his phone and the stairs they usually walk up together. Seeing Bokuto tentatively checking his phone, Akaashi pulls his out of his pocket and he sees a message. 

**Bokuto:** Thats nice! Glad you all got back safe 

**Bokuto:** Bummer about the whole land feeling weird. That wouldve been a cool feeling probably :/

Akaashi smiles at his phone and then at the man who stands unaware of his presence. 

**Akaashi:** I have luggage, so I didn't take the stairs… 

Akaashi watches Bokuto immediately open his phone, lift his head to the stairs, tilt his head, and then turn around finding Akaashi. 

"AKAASHI!!!!!!" Bokuto barrels over and Akaashi prepares by opening his arms. Bokuto picks Akaashi up and spins him around in a tight hug. A giggle escapes Akaashi and it is like music to Bokuto's ears. "Welcome home!" 

Bokuto slows his spinning as Akaashi says "I'm home." Akaashi didn't try to suppress his blush because he could easily blame it on the wind. "Come on, let's head inside. I want some tea." 

"Okay, but first," Bokuto fits the Santa hat he held onto Akaashi's head and smiles with a twinkle in his eye. "Now let's go."

Bokuto follows Akaashi into the apartment and asks Akaashi to tell him all about his trip. Akaashi boils water and explains the stops made: a hot spring, lots of hiking, kind locals, and the beauty of the aurora borealis . "I hope you don't mind, but I got you some Christmas presents. I didn't get to wrap them though because of your surprise." 

"Of course I don't mind! You thought of me on your trip, how could I ever be upset?" Bokuto smiles wide. 

"Thank you for welcoming me home." Akaashi speaks into the tea he pours into his favorite mug painted by his favorite person. "It was nice to be told 'welcome home' after a trip." 

Bokuto smiles from across the counter. "Anything for you, Akaashi." His loving stare lingers as Akaashi pours tea into a second mug. It's the one Akaashi had painted for himself. He painted it yellow all around and wrote "Mercurial: subjected to change" in blue. He added a flower that was strikingly similar to the one he had painted in the park, except this flower stood tall. 

"I also hope  _ you  _ don't mind that I also got you a Christmas gift," Bokuto gestures to the red bag sitting on the table, "only I got to wrap it for you." He winks, proud of his little joke. 

Akaashi hands Bokuto the mercurial mug and sips on his owl mug. "Let me get your gifts together before we exchange please." Bokuto nods and moves towards the couch with his tea and readies a youtube video of a fireplace with Christmas music on the TV. Akaashi brings his suitcase to his room, only separated by a folding divider, to gather Bokuto's gifts. Akaashi soon returns with various small things wrapped in brown packaging paper balanced in his arms, but Bokuto is fixated on the way Akaashi's dark hair curls around the white fluffy brim of his Santa hat. 

"Merry Christmas Bokuto." Akaashi places the small cylindrical brown papers onto the table along with unwrapped bookmarks and one flat thing that was bubble wrapped. 

Bokuto lifts the four bookmarks with names of places in bold letters. "Are these from each stop you made?" Akaashi nods his head yes. "That's so cool! I'll have to get some more books with you so I can use these." He moves to the cylinders and begins unwrapping them. 

"I like to light candles when I read alone, so I thought maybe you'd like to do that too, so I asked a shop keeper which candle they had best represented the area and got those for you." Akaashi explains before Bokuto could get confused. 

"I love them!" Bokuto cheers as he sniffs each one. He holds them out for Akaashi to sniff after he does. Lastly he reaches for the flat bubble wrap and tears the tape that held the protective layer together. In his hands is a glass art of the aurora borealis with a suction cup attached. "Woah, this is… beautiful." 

"When I saw the lights with my parents, I was really wishing you could have been there. I think if we put this on your bedroom window, it'll be like watching the lights sort of." Akaashi twiddles his fingers between his knees and avoids looking for Bokuto's reaction as his ears start turning pink. 

"Hey Akaashi," Bokuto beckons for Akaashi to look at him. Akaashi slowly turns his head, to which Bokuto immediately holds the glass by Akaashi's face, and Akaashi doesn't flinch. "I knew it!" Akaashi tilts his head, a habit adopted from Bokuto. "That's why I like the colors so much. It matches your eyes!" Akaashi now has a full face blush that can't be blamed on the wind. 

Akaashi blinks a few times before hiding his face behind his hand and turning away again. "I'm glad you like it." He mumbles through his thin fingers. He steals a glance at Bokuto who is still admiring the glass art, but now holding it much closer to his chest. Bokuto jolts and carefully wraps his new treasure in the bubble wrap it came in and reaches for the red bag he brought. 

"This is for you!" Bokuto cheers and holds it out for Akaashi to grab. "Merry Christmas!" 

Akaashi grabs the bag and begins removing the colorful tissue paper. He then lifts a 20 inch grey owl squishmallow.  _ It's so soft _ . Akaashi instinctively hugs it against his chest and buries his smile into the plush.  _ It looks like him _ . Akaashi laughs to himself. "I love it. Thank you Bokuto." 

Bokuto laughs brightly in amusement. Akaashi lifts his head to watch Bokuto. Akaashi doesn't want to miss a second of Bokuto. "I figured you could use something to cuddle with when I'm not with you. I didn't think you'd take to it before I could even explain the inspiration for the gift!" He continues his hearty laugh. 

Akaashi's heart can't get a break tonight. First Bokuto surprises him, then he gets close and indirectly compliments Akaashi's eyes, and now he's being so thoughtful and laughing so hard his eyes are shut by his cheeks. Akaashi lets the plush fall to his side and leaps across the couch to wrap his arms around Bokuto's torso. Bokuto suddenly stops laughing and readjusts himself so Akaashi lays between his legs and his arms fall around Akaashi's shoulders with his hands resting in the middle of Akaashi's back. Afraid to break the moment, Bokuto stays quiet, content to draw circles on Akaashi's back and admire the smiling man atop him. 

They rested like that until Akaashi's eyes open wide and begins frantically shifting back on his knees. "Oh my goodness- I'm so sorry that was so sudden and I invaded your space- God I'm so dumb- I'm so so sorry Bokuto-" Akaashi says all at once with a face of terror. 

"It's okay Akaashi." He reaches out and grabs one of the hands Akaashi was using to cover the bottom of his face. "I like when you invade my space." 

Akaashi's wide eyes dart back and forth between Bokuto and their joined hands. His heart  _ really _ couldn't catch a break tonight. Akaashi uses both hands to pull his given Santa hat down over his head. He hears Bokuto chuckle and shuffle a little bit before speaking. "There's still something in the bag." Akaashi takes a steadying breath and lifts the hat. He takes the hat off and puts it back on because just lifting the hat had pushed his bangs back, which he was sure was not a good look for him. Akaashi digs into the bag again and reveals a pin of an owl wearing thick black rimmed eyeglasses holding a book tucked into its chest with its wing. "It looks like you." They're both chuckling and smiling. Akaashi stands and walks to his room. He soon comes back out with his bag that he takes everywhere, now displaying his new pin. Bokuto smiles. "It looks good there." 

"I like it there too." Akaashi agrees. "Thank you very much Bokuto. You're a good gifter."

"You really think so!?" Bokuto perks up in his seat. Akaashi nods and Bokuto celebrates by pulling a fist down by his torso. 

"I think I should go to bed now though. I'd like to rest for tomorrow so I can stay up until midnight with everyone." Akaashi explains. 

"Oh! Right sorry. It's your first night back, you must be really tired. I'll go home and let you get settled. Party starts at 7 but you can come over whenever." 

"Don't be sorry. It was nice of you to welcome me home. It made me really happy, thank you Bokuto." Akaashi says to put Bokuto at ease. He begins wrapping the candles and placing them into the bag Bokuto came with. Bokuto tries to stop Akaashi but Akaashi insists he use it to carry his presents home. "We'll see what time I wake up tomorrow. Goodnight Bokuto. Text me when you get home please."

"You got it. Goodnight Akaashi."

With that, Akaashi lays in his bed holding his gift close to him. 

…

Akaashi seems to wake up with the sun. He is surprised to be up so early after being up so late with Bokuto.  _ It’s like the day I first hung out with Bokuto, I woke up before my alarm _ . Akaashi smiles at the memory and decides he’ll take his morning coffee on a walk. He places a stainless steel tumbler under the coffee maker and jumps into a pair of jeans. He puts his wool coat over his pajama shirt deciding there’s no use dirtying a good shirt for a spontaneous walk. He grabs his black messenger bag, now decorated thanks to Bokuto, with his daily things and heads out the door. Akaashi bristles at the cool morning, but revels in the rising sun. It’s at this time Akaashi finally takes out his phone. 5:47AM. Akaashi’s eyebrows raise in astonishment, but then relaxes when he thinks of someone else who is likely awake.

**Akaashi:** Good morning Bokuto

Akaashi walks to the green getaway from the city and sits at a bench that faces a great stone water fountain that doesn’t pump water. He sips his coffee but pulls back when the scorching liquid meets his lips. Akaashi decides he best leave the top open to let it cool down to a drinkable temperature. In that time, his phone vibrates.

**Bokuto:** Hey hey hey!!! What are you doing up so early? 

**Bokuto:** If youre up now youll get too tired before midnight

**Bokuto:** You should take a nap before coming over

**Bokuto:** If you dont then im going to wake you up for the countdown no matter how much you dont want to be woken up

**Akaashi:** Okay, okay. I’ll try to nap later. I don’t know why I’m up, but I am. Are you at work? You shouldn’t be texting.

**Bokuto:** No im not at work. Im on my morning run bc i cant run later

Akaashi’s heart skips a beat when a thought comes to his head. He knows Bokuto would do it too if he asks, but they were together just last night and they’ll be together again tonight. It makes no sense to Akaashi why he thought “ _ I want to see him right now. Tell him to meet me here.” _ Akaashi shakes his head and tries his coffee again, thankful it wasn’t scorching any longer and chugs it down in the hopes of jolting him to his senses.

**Akaashi:** So diligent.

Akaashi and Bokuto text for the duration of Bokuto’s run until he goes to shower. Akaashi stood from the bench and made a stop at a bakery to put in an order that he’d pick up later. He got back to his apartment and fell asleep. 

Akaashi wakes up and takes a warm shower. Struggling to pick an outfit, Akaashi lands on a short sleeve black v-neck shirt and a pair of jeans. Feeling a little confident and excited by the idea of new beginnings, Akaashi reaches for his eyeliner and draws wings on his eyes. Shrugging, Akaashi decides he’ll leave now and pick up his bakery order and a bottle of vodka on his way to Bokuto’s. Knowing Bokuto’s habits, Akaashi packs his toothbrush, glasses, and a pair of pajama pants into his messenger bag as well. 

Akaashi knocks on their apartment door around 4:30PM. The door swings open and the tall man leans his full body on the doorway. 

“What is it my olfactory system is analyzing?” Kuroo closes his eyes and takes a deep inhale. His eyes open and glance down at Akaashi with his eyebrows furrowed. “Apple pie?” 

Akaashi shrugs. “It felt right?”

Kenma walks up, elbowing Kuroo’s side to make way for him. He takes the pie from Akaashi’s hands, nods with a hum, “Come inside,” and walks away with it.

Kuroo steps aside and Akaashi follows him in. “What are you doing here so early? You know the party starts at 7 right?”

“Yes, I know. Bokuto said I could come over whenever, so I figured I’d help you guys decorate and set up.” Akaashi answers.

Kuroo smirks and notices the addition of an owl pin on his bag. “Bo is out picking up streamers and tape right now. You can put your stuff down in his room, since I’m sure you’ll end up there at the end of the night anyway.” He winks playfully to which Akaashi shoves a thin black plastic bag with “thank you” written repetitively in gold around it.

“You should put this in the freezer.” Akaashi squeezes out in a weak attempt to change the subject. Kuroo takes the bag and Akaashi rushes to Bokuto’s room to calm down. He puts his bag down and then notices the room glows in green and blue hues. Looking at the window Akaashi sees his gift to Bokuto already being put to use along with the candles lining his nightstand which one already had been used. Akaashi’s face burns hotter than when he first entered. He slaps his cheeks and returns to the apartment. Kuroo is pulling out different chip trays and handing them to Kenma to wash them.  _ They work together really well, like a machine. They’re so in sync. _ Akaashi almost doesn’t want to interrupt, but he picks up a towel and starts drying them after Kenma is done washing. 

The door swings open wide hitting the wall. “Hey hey hey! I didn’t know what decorations to get so I got everything I could think of. And before you start yelling Kuroo, they were low on gold colored things so there's some red in case we need it.” Bokuto walks further to see everyone working together in the kitchen. “AKAASHI!”

“Welcome home Bokuto.” Akaashi doesn’t look up from the bowl he dries. 

“Kenma and I got this here. Why don’t you and Bo start decorating?” Akaashi nods and hands Kuroo the towel to take over his position. 

Everyone works to set up the party with the radio blasting. Bokuto and Akaashi both blow up a balloon and ask the other to tie it off for them. Realizing that neither of them could tie a balloon they erupt into laughter and their balloons twirl freely in the air. Kenma snuck a chip as they filled bowls. Kuroo and Bokuto get distracted and sometimes stop working to dramatically sing along to a song, which Kenma and Akaashi watch fondly from where they work. Bokuto rips tape and feeds the roll of streamers to Akaashi who carefully twists the streamers then grabs the tape Bokuto holds up for him to secure the streamer to the ceiling.  _ I guess Bokuto and I work together well too. If anyone were watching us I’m sure they’d think we are in sync too. _

“Hey Akaashi?” Bokuto asks.

“Yes Bokuto?” Akaashi looks down from where he stands on a chair.

“You did your eyeliner again.” Bokuto’s cheeks blossom pink. “It- it looks really nice.”

Like clockwork, Akaashi’s face matches Bokuto’s. “Thank you.”

Once the apartment was decorated with red, gold, and black streamers and balloons (thanks to Kuroo and Kenma), the four take a seat and cheers their drinks to start a good night. Soon enough guests start piling in. Daichi and Suga are the first to arrive. Daichi’s habits for punctuality never seem to take a day off. He wears a dark button down and Suga wears a bright glittering gold top with dark jeans. Suga also definitely has highlighter on his cheeks and nose the way his face glows with gold graphic eyeliner. Ten minutes later Iwaizumi arrives. When Suga asks where Oikawa is Iwaizumi shrugs and says “Why would I know.” Everyone but Iwaizumi and Akaashi’s phones go off at the same time. Noya has sent them a selfie of him on Asahi’s shoulders with a message saying “I can finally see over the crowds! This is why my boyfriend is the best! Happy new year!” Oikawa knocks on the door at 8PM.

“Sorry I’m late everyone, it takes time to look this good.” Oikawa wore a sequined gold top with ripped white jeans, his hair perfectly tousled and had expertly blended eyeshadow of neutrals and gold shimmer creating a halo effect with sharp black eyeliner.

“If I can look just as good and be here on time so can you,” Suga retorts, walking up to pinch Oikawa’s ear, but his wrist is instead grabbed and Oikawa leans into Suga’s face.

“Your eyeliner!” Oikawa squeals. He spins Suga around to face the group. “See Akaashi, you should learn from Suga and me and start wearing eyelin-” Oikawa drops his coat in time with his mouth. 

Akaashi’s smirk rivals Kuroo’s, but the innocence of his head cocked to the side like Bokuto softens the devilish smile. “Hmm?” Akaashi teases. “I didn’t quite get that.”

“You cheeky son of a bitch!” Oikawa rushes over. “I KNEW you’d look good with eyeliner. You should’ve taken my advice sooner.” He crosses his arms over his chest and lifts his nose to the sky, but his exterior quickly crumbles. “I can’t believe I finally get to see you in eyeliner. I can die happily now. I could cry, but I won’t ruin my makeup tonight.” 

“I’m surprised you’re not mad about showin’ up to prom wearing the same dress as someone else.” Iwaizumi interjects.

“What do you mean?” Oikawa snaps his head to face Iwaizumi.

“Suga wasn’t kidding about looking as good, ya know.” Kuroo adds.

Oikawa turns his attention back to Suga, but looking at his outfit and then back to his own. He repeats this a couple times with his cheeks beginning to turn red before huffing and crossing his arms again. “Nothing wrong with two hot people being hot,” Oikawa crosses to Suga and drapes one arm around his shoulder, “right Suga?”

Suga smooths down his cowlick that promptly stands back up. “I see nothing wrong.” 

The party starts now that everyone has arrived and has a drink in their hand. Akaashi recounts his trip with Daichi and Kenma. Kuroo, Bokuto, and Iwaizumi had started an arm wrestling match that they dragged Daichi to join in the middle of his conversation with Akaashi. Oikawa and Suga were chatting about makeup and celebrity news. Kenma eventually takes out his switch and Akaashi watches silently sipping his drink. The TV plays the ABC NYE party that shows live footage from times square of celebrities performing. When people pass, they try to find Asahi and Noya in the crowd. Oikawa starts a staring contest with Iwaizumi, but from the way their faces contorted Akaashi could tell Iwaizumi was competitive and Oikawa just wanted to stare at Iwaizumi without getting yelled at. Bokuto and Kuroo call for a group shot and although apprehensive Akaashi agrees. He thinks that he can trust that the people around him won’t hurt him if he gets inebriated. Akaashi ends up taking a second shot with Suga and Oikawa who insisted on a shot for the people with pretty eyeliner. 

Akaashi returns to the couch and moments later rests his head on a strong shoulder.  _ Feels different _ . Akaashi noted, but didn’t question. He hears voices mumbling and then the shoulder he was on is removed, but quickly replaced with another one, one he knew very well. “Hmmm.”

“You can’t go falling asleep before midnight Akaashi. I told you I’d wake you up if you did and I know you won’t like that.” Akaashi groans and rubs his forehead on the shoulder. “Did you nap earlier?” Akaashi nods yes. “Akaashi, can you look at me?”

Akaashi huffs and uses all his energy to support his head. He takes another breath and slowly opens his eyes. He finds those striking gold eyes staring back at him, just like they did when he was hit in the face with a frisbee. Akaashi raises his hands to either side of Bokuto’s face and then presses their foreheads together, not once breaking eye contact despite how heavy Akaashi’s eyelids were. Bokuto’s breath hitches. “Eyes are pretty.” Akaashi’s words slur together.

“Alright, you need some fresh cold air.” Bokuto declares as he grabs Akaashi’s hands and stands up. “C’mon,” he pulls Akaashi’s dead body weight up and wraps one of Akaashi’s arms around his neck and one of his arms around Akaashi’s waist and walks the short distance to the balcony. Akaashi shudders at the sudden change in temperature and suddenly feels wide awake. “Mornin’ sunshine.” Bokuto sounds all too cheery.

“So cold.” Akaashi answers, bringing his arms back close to his body. “Why’d you bring me out here?”

“You were about to fall asleep on Daichi’s shoulder.” Bokuto laughs. “It’s easier to keep you awake than let you fall asleep and wake you up.”

“I guess you're right.” 

“Hey Akaashi, do you have any new year resolutions?” Bokuto speaks softly over the sounds of the busy streets.

Akaashi pauses, then decides this could be the first step for his resolution. “I want to trust people more. I want to stop hiding from my past. I don’t want my distrust to hold me back anymore.”

Bokuto gives Akaashi a reassuring smile. “That sounds like a good resolution. I hope it goes well for you.”

“Thank you… Do you have any?” Akaashi inquires. 

“I want to continue being the best I can be in whatever I do.” Bokuto looks out to the city landscape pensively. “And, you know, taxes and that stuff. I’m not too sure about those. I want to understand those things.” He nods his head affirmatively as if he was making his words more concrete. 

Akaashi giggles with a hand covering his mouth. “I can probably help you with that.”

“Hopefully I can help you with yours too.” Bokuto murmurs under his breath.

They both head inside as the countdown grows nearer. Oikawa stumbles out of the bathroom with his hair a mess making a huge scene. “I was blowing chunks in there! I don’t think I can keep up with you Suga.” Oikawa plops himself on the armrest of the couch next to Suga.

Iwaizumi walks into the living area almost silently.

“Hey chunks. Is that what we should start calling you now?” Suga raises an eyebrow and smirks, incredibly satisfied.

Iwaizumi quickly turns red. “Stupid Shitykawa,” he growls as he slaps the back of Oikawa’s head. 

“Mean Iwa!”

The TV interrupts the laughter with a countdown from 60 seconds. Kenma pauses his game and sets his switch on the table. Oikawa and Iwaizumi seem to be having some kind of hushed argument, probably about whether or not they will kiss at midnight or not. Suga and Daichi count with the tv host. Akaashi grows nervous.  _ Everyone seems to be in pairs except for Bokuto and me. Does that make us a pair? But we didn’t talk about kissing at midnight. I don’t want to kiss him like this.  _

**5!** _Do I want him to kiss me?_

 **4!** _No! I won’t kiss him._

**3!** Bokuto grabs one of Akaashi’s hands, interlocking their fingers.

**2!** _ Why’s he grabbing my hand? Maybe I do want him to kiss me? _

**1!** _ I don’t know what I want. _

**HAPPY NEW YEAR!** Everyone cheers before turning to their partner.

Bokuto lifts Akaashi’s hand to his lips and presses a chaste kiss to the back of his hand. “Happy new year Akaashi.” His tone much more serious than the one he had just used with everyone else.

“Happy new year Bokuto.” Akaashi breathes out, his heart still pounding in his chest. They wrap into a hug.  _ I want to kiss him, but at another time. _

Everyone makes their way around the room wishing each other a happy new year. When Akaashi finishes he calls his mom.

“Happy new year Keiji!” She answers the phone, beating Akaashi to the punch. 

“Happy new year mom.” Akaashi smiles like a little boy.

“Sounds busy over there.” Akaashi’s mom prods. 

“Yes, I’m with friends. The ones I mentioned at the train station.”

“OOOOO!!! Can you put me on with one of them!” She squeals with excitement. 

_ Definitely had her fair share of celebrating too tonight. _ Akaashi sighs and turns to Bokuto.  _ Seems like I’m putting my new year's resolution to the test already.  _ “My mom wants to talk to you.”

Bokuto takes Akaashi’s phone with a big smile. Talking to his family must mean he trusts him more, right? “Hello Akaashi’s mom! Happy New Year!” 

“Happy new year……. Sorry what's your name?”

“Oh! Sorry. This is Koutarou Bokuto.”

“Koutarou, thank you for looking out for my Keiji. I’m glad he has friends to celebrate with.”

_ “Keiji?” _ Bokuto thinks for a second and puts two and two together. “Of course! He’s a really great guy. You’ve raised him well Mrs. Akaashi.”

“You flatter me.” Bokuto could practically hear the blush through the phone. “I won’t take up too much of your time, enjoy your night!” 

“You as well! Goodnight.” Bokuto hands the phone back to Akaashi. “Your mom is nice. Also, I didn’t know your name was Keiji. You introduced yourself as Akaashi when we met.”

A shiver works its way down Akaashi’s spine. “Personal preference is all.” He fakes a smile. Quickly diverting attention he returns the sentiment. “I didn’t know your name was Koutarou.”

“Oh!” Bokuto lets out a bubbly laugh. “Kuroo and I met at a summer camp for volleyball where the coach called everyone by their last names. That’s how we got to know each other so when we kept in touch after that we kinda just kept using our last names because that’s what we knew each other as. Actually, now that you point it out, a lot of us go by our last names huh?” Bokuto surveys the room scratching his neck.

“You all do?” Akaashi asks.

“Well, much like you, Suga goes by his last name’s nickname because of his preference. He thinks Suga is a cuter name than Koushi. Daichi is actually Daichi’s name. He goes by his last name at work so he likes to separate his names between work life and home life. Which is actually funny because at the gym we do last names too, but Iwaizumi doesn’t use his first name in his personal life like Daichi. And Noya, well, his parents named him Yuu, y-u-u and that can get confusing with you, y-o-u, so he goes by a nickname of his last name like Suga.”

“That’s interesting.” Akaashi thinks of his friends and how they also seem to go by their last names, but he never asked them why they did that because he didn’t want them to return the question to him. Akaashi yawns and tears prickle his eyes. 

“Yeah, so interesting you’re yawning.” Bokuto teases. Akaashi weakly swats at Bokuto’s arm followed by a shut up. “Why don’t you lay down in my room. I won’t be in for a bit but you could go to bed if you’re tired.” Bokuto offers. 

“Thank you Bokuto. Goodnight.” He gives Bokuto’s arm a squeeze and says goodbyes to everyone. Kuroo giving him a slanted smile with a knowing look earns him a pinch to his arm. Akaashi walks into the blue green room and changes into his pajama pants and is soon sound asleep despite the party still going on. 

Akaashi doesn’t know it, but when Bokuto retired for the night, he spent an unknown amount of time watching Akaashi breathe in the colorful splendor that danced and glimmered on Akaashi’s dark shiny hair and soft pale skin.

…

January slips by Akaashi and Bokuto and they miss the time they had become accustomed to spending together. Bokuto was booked up at the gym with the influx of customers that come this time every year, eager to fulfill their new year’s resolutions. Akaashi watched Kenma’s streams alone. For his first stream of the new year he let his followers decide on the game. He downloaded it on stream and was irritated to learn it was a vampire dating sim very quickly. Akaashi laughed, but it felt empty to be alone again. Fortunately Bokuto was coming over tonight for dinner because he has the next day off. 

Akaashi listens to Bokuto go on about his new clients and predicts how long he thinks they’ll last with him before either giving up or deciding to work on their own. They eat their chicken parmesan and spaghetti, happy to be spending time together again.

“Hey Bokuto?” Akaashi asks and Bokuto hums. “Do you think you could help me with my resolution tonight? I know you help everyone at the gym with theirs and I don’t want to bother you. But I found this study that says after answering these questions with someone else you’ll have full trust in them.” Akaashi fiddles his fingers between his knees, his gaze on his empty plate of scattered sauce. “It's 36 questions. Would you be interested?”

“Of course!” Bokuto beams. “I’ll always help you. I think you’re already doing a great job with your resolution just by asking me ya know?” Bokuto faces Akaashi squarely when he delivers his next sentence. “I’m really glad you trust me enough to help you with your goals.” 

Akaashi stands and picks up their plates to rinse them in the sink so he doesn’t have to face Bokuto. Something about Bokuto’s stare when he’s serious makes Akaashi squirm in embarrassment. He tends to distract himself when Bokuto does this so that he can steady himself and act like a normal person again. “I have the website on my phone. I’ll meet you on the couch.”

Akaashi and Bokuto sit side by side on the couch and Akaashi reads the first question. 

1.Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

“Hmmm.” Bokuto taps his chin with a finger. “Bob Ross.”

Akaashi nods. “Billy Collins.”

“Who’s that?”

“A writer. His work is incredible. I want to pick his brain.”

  1. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
  2. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
  3. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
  4. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?



“I think I last sang to myself when we were decorating for new years.” Akaashi remembers. 

“WHAT! I didn’t hear you!” Bokuto whines.

“You were too busy serenading Kuroo.” Akaashi smiles recounting the memory. “I don’t know the last time I sang to somebody though. Maybe when we sang happy birthday to my mom.”

  1. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?



“Definitely the body. Think about it. I get to have all the knowledge I’ve learned my entire life, and now I’ll have the body to explore new places and play sports again!” Bokuto explains. 

  1. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
  2. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.



“We both are tall.” Akaashi starts.

“We both like to support our friends.” Bokuto adds.

“We both like our jobs.” Akaashi finishes.

  1. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?



“My family. Both my blood family and found family” Bokuto answers without hesitation.

  1. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?



“I wish my parents would have tried harder to talk to me. It felt weird to talk to them about things like my friends or my feelings. I really only told them basically reports of how I was doing.” Akaashi answers.

  1. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.



Bokuto goes first and only gets up through middle school because he got distracted with his stories. Akaashi learns from Bokuto’s miscalculations and is able to make it to when he graduated college.

  1. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
  2. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?



“I’d want to know if I’m doing my best to live a meaningful life.” Bokuto responds. “I don’t want to know any details about the future because then you get into that weird ‘is this free will or predetermined’ question and whatever it tells me will be stuck in my mind forever and it just wouldn’t be a good idea, I think.”

  1. “Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?”



“I want to write a book. I haven’t done it yet because I don’t know what I want to say.” Akaashi explains.

“Well, I mean your first work doesn’t have to be groundbreaking. It’s okay to just write anything. You don’t have to pressure yourself to make the first thing you write perfect and full of meaning. It doesn’t even need to be published at all! You’ll find what you want to write soon enough.” Bokuto encourages.

  1. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
  2. What do you value most in a friendship?
  3. What is your most treasured memory?
  4. What is your most terrible memory?



“I- I don’t think I can answer this one right now.” Akaashi chokes. “I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay.” Bokuto rubs Akaashi’s back. “You’re sharing so much right now. Omitting one question doesn’t mean you’re not making progress. This doesn’t mean this whole thing is a failure, okay?” Akaashi nods. Bokuto squeezes Akaashi into a side hug by his shoulder. “Let’s go to the next one.” 

  1. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?



“I would change one thing, but other than that one thing, no. I’m happy with what I do. I have everything I need here. I don’t need to suddenly see the whole world or find the true meaning of life. I just need my friends and family.” Bokuto answers.

  1. What does friendship mean to you?
  2. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
  3. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.



“You’re incredibly kind.” Akaashi starts.

“You think a lot.” 

“You tilt your head when you’re confused.” Akaashi smiles. 

Bokuto tilts his head. “I do that?” Akaashi giggles behind his hand. “You like to tease people, but never in a mean way.”

“You know how to read people’s emotions and respond to them in a way that makes the other person feel comfortable.” Akaashi thinks to all the times Bokuto has calmed Akaashi down. 

“You’re really smart.”

“You take care of your body and keep yourself strong.”

“You are really polite.”

“You have captivating eyes, and they always look like they’re telling the truth.” 

Bokuto gulps. “Uh. What does captivating mean?” Akaashi giggles behind his hand again. “Hey! Not everyone can be as smart as you! What does it meeeaaaann?” Bokuto elongates his words to emphasize his whine.

“It means that your eyes attract and hold other’s interests. Basically, I think your eyes are pretty Bokuto.”

“Oh.” Bokuto visibly blushes. “Your eyes are captivating too.”

  1. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?



“My family is really close. When I talk to other people it makes me think my childhood was happier than theirs. My parents always pushed family first and made us work out problems with each other. Growing up I thought my childhood was normal, but that’s because that’s all I knew.”

  1. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
  2. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “



“We are both in this room feeling vulnerable.” Bokuto states.

_ He feels vulnerable too? I didn’t think he could feel that way. _ “We are happy to finally spend time together after being so busy.”

“We are both sharing things we didn’t think we would have said out loud.”

  1. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “
  2. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.



“I am more sensitive than I let on and can get a little too eager sometimes, but I never mean to make anyone uncomfortable.” Bokuto shares.

“I hide things from people and that makes people think I’m sketchy and mysterious, but if you stick around long enough I will share what I think more and more.” 

  1. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.



“I like the way you rub my back with your cold hands whenever we share a bed. And the way you cover your smile when you laugh. I want to see your smile, but you giggling with your hand over your mouth is cute too. Oh! And the way your hair curls around my fingers when I brush through your hair is one of my favorite things.” Bokuto rambles, surprisingly without blushing. It’s like he’s too excited to talk about what he likes about Akaashi to realize what he is saying, to Akaashi nonetheless. 

“I like when your hair is down. It’s like a secret that I get to see you without it styled. I like how warm you are, both your skin and your personality. You make me feel comfortable. You do things that make me feel happy, like inviting me to spend a holiday with you and your friends, and welcoming me home from vacation. You’re incredibly thoughtful. When my favorite mug was ruined you helped me make a new one to make me happy. You always ask if it’s okay to do something, careful not to cross boundaries and make me upset. You’ve been so patient. I couldn’t ask for more.” Akaashi’s throat is tight from recognizing all that Bokuto has done for him. Akaashi hadn’t reflected on his relationship with Bokuto before, not like this. He’s surprised he didn’t realize it sooner. “Thank you Bokuto.” Akaashi whispers. 

“Of course.” Bokuto whispers back. “Hold on. I’ll be right back.” Bokuto gets up and Akaashi covers his face with his hands. Akaashi rubs his face when he feels hot tears on his palms. He breaths long shaky breaths. Bokuto returns, pressing a cold glass to Akaashi’s hands. “Here, drink some water.” Akaashi takes the glass with two hands and tips the water back. 

_ My eyes are probably red. He can probably tell I cried a little bit. It wasn’t a bad cry, it was a good cry. I never felt so- I don’t know how to explain it. Cared for? Loved? Don’t get carried away, Akaashi. It was a good cry, let’s leave it at that. _

“Thank you,” Akaashi croaks, but quickly stops when he looks back up to Bokuto. “You- your hair. Why?”

“You said you liked it down.” Bokuto says like it's simple. 

_ While I was crying, he was wetting his hair down? _ Akaashi starts to giggle behind his hand, and then his giggle grows into a full laughter and kicks his head back. “You’re so funny Bokuto.” 

Bokuto smiles at Akaashi with the fondness of a florist watching a flower blossom. “Alright, next question.”

  1. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
  2. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?



“Well I just cried in front of you,” Akaashi scoffs.

  1. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.



“Didn’t we just do this?” Akaashi reacts to what he just read.

“I guess, kinda yeah. But I could go on and on.” 

Akaashi shoves Bokuto a little bit, then starts reading the next question.

  1. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
  2. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?



Bokuto looks up at the ceiling. “I’d regret not telling someone I like them. I haven’t told them yet because I don’t think that’s something they want to hear right now.”

  1. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?



“The mug you made me,” They answer in unison, then turn from each other with a blush over their faces. 

  1. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
  2. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.



“I don’t know how to start talking to my parents and building a strong relationship with them. I feel so removed from them.” Akaashi describes.

“What I would do is start calling them more often. Set a goal like once a week or something and talk about stories from work or about friends. You mentioned it felt like a status report when talking to them in the past. Try and make it more personal and ask them about their day. It’ll probably feel forced and uncomfortable at first, but it’s how to move forward. You can’t get close if you don’t share things with them.” 

“That sounds uncomfortable, but it’s a good idea, you’re right.”

“What was the second part to that? Reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling…” Bokuto reads over Akaashi’s shoulder. “You seem to want to be closer to them, like it’s something you’ve wanted for a long time but are only recently figuring that out. Don’t be embarrassed to want to get closer to your parents.” 

“Thank you.” Akaashi nods. “Now it says to stare at one another for four minutes in silence.”

“That seems like a long time.”

Akaashi shrugs and sets a timer on his phone. He turns to face Bokuto with his whole body, crossing his legs up on the couch. Bokuto sits with his feet on the floor, just twisting his torso to face Akaashi. “Okay. Four minutes, starting now.”

He taps the start button and leaves his phone on the table and immediately looks into Bokuto’s eyes. Bokuto taps his fingers on his thigh and Akaashi feels exceedingly self conscious. Bokuto scratches the back of his neck and sends a wary smile. Akaashi presses his lips together in a thin smile.  _ I wonder what is going on in his head. Does he feel as uncomfortable as I do?  _ Akaashi starts playing with fingers. Bokuto reaches out his hand and places it over Akaashi’s. Akaashi’s brain runs wild.  _ What does this mean? Why’d he do that? Is it because he doesn’t like when I fiddle my fingers?  _ Bokuto notices the small panic in Akaashi’s gunmetal eyes and withdraws his hand. Akaashi notices the small fleck of disappointment in Bokuto’s eyes as he takes his hand away, so Akaashi quickly grabs Bokuto’s hand hoping his eyes convey that Bokuto didn’t do anything wrong. It feels like no time has passed but also the whole world has passed. Akaashi relaxes his shoulders and his eyes are hooded with comfort. Bokuto also seems to release tension in his body after Akaashi. Akaashi hasn’t ever felt this relaxed. Six months ago Akaashi would have had a heart attack if he was told he would be sharing so much of himself with someone in his apartment. Akaashi feels warm, loved, whole with Bokuto in front of him. He feels cared for. His chest bubbles with these feelings he had locked away back in high school and he isn’t scared anymore. He’s… excited. 

The alarm sounds from the table and Akaashi releases Bokuto’s hand to stop the alarm.

“Boy, I think that’s the longest I’ve gone without talking!” Bokuto lets out a nervous laugh like he’s trying to cover something inside him up.

Akaashi shifts his legs underneath him so he sits on his knees. Akaashi leans into Bokuto’s personal space. “Bokuto,” he whispers, “can I kiss you?”

Bokuto’s eyes go wide and he stops breathing. “Yes, please.” 

Akaashi swings his leg over Bokuto’s lap so he straddles him on the couch. Akaashi places his hands not quite on Bokuto’s shoulders, but also not quite on his chest and slowly leans down. Bokuto has his hands on the outside of Akaashi’s thighs. Both of their breaths are slow and deliberate and shake ever so slightly. Their lips meet with the gentleness of a feather floating in the air. The alternate taking the other’s bottom lip into their mouths, moving slowly. It doesn’t feel rushed. It doesn’t feel hungry. Neither of them can explain the emotions they’re experiencing, but both are happy to be like this together. Bokuto moves his hand up to Akaashi’s back and presses Akaashi closer to his chest. Akaashi moves his hands, one to the side where Bokuto’s neck curves into his shoulder and the other goes into his soft salt and peppered hair. Bokuto pulls back and studies Akaashi’s face. He notes the pink flush on his cheeks and his shiny lips. He notices how long Akaashi’s eyelashes are against his cheek and then his eyes open to meet Bokuto’s, the blue green color Bokuto can’t identify but definitely loves. Bokuto smiles brightly and brings a hand to cup Akaashi’s cheek and gently guides Akaashi’s head closer to kiss him all over again. One word rings through Akaashi’s head every now and again:  _ Home _ . Bokuto is Akaashi’s home, he doesn’t think he can deny it to himself anymore. Bokuto licks Akaashi’s bottom lip, asking permission to deepen the kiss, which sends Akaashi down a spiral of all the reasons why he can’t be with Bokuto.

_ I’m unlovable. I’m disgusting. I’m dumb, a blemish to this world. I’m nothing but a problem. All I do is take and take. I can’t do anything on my own. Bokuto will just get bored of me because I don’t have any opinions and I’d just be a burden again. Nobody is happy being with me, I don’t make people happy. That’s why I’ve been alone.  _

Akaashi rolls off Bokuto and pulls his knees up to bury his face. Tears prickle the corners of his eyes. “I’m sorry, did I do something wrong?” Bokuto asks. Akaashi shakes his head no. “What’s going on Akaashi?”

“I think you should leave now.” Akaashi whispers. His body starts to shake.

“Akaashi,” Bokuto breathes, “what’s wrong?” He gets no response. “Can you look at me please?” Akaashi still doesn’t answer, but his sobs gain volume and his shoulders betray his attempts to hold his composure. Bokuto wraps his arms around Akaashi and lays his head on the back of Akaashi’s head. “I’m not leaving you like this. Not again. I was afraid I’d never see you again after our fight in the park and I barely knew you then. No way am I leaving now.” This just earns wet sobs from Akaashi. He continues to shake under Bokuto. Bokuto whispers reassurances to Akaashi saying “It’s alright. I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere. Everything’s okay.” Akaashi’s sobs lose their vigor and his body no longer shakes. Bokuto grabs his glass from before and hands it to Akaashi. “Take a sip.” Akaashi’s hands shake as he reaches for the glass, keeping his head as low as possible, not wanting to face Bokuto. Bokuto grabs the glass back and places it back on the table and begins rubbing circles into Akaashi’s back. “Alright, that’s much better. Are you feeling better?” Akaashi shakes his head no. “Do you think you can tell me what that was about?” Akaashi takes a deep breath. 

“Why are you still here?” Akaashi asks. He says it with curiosity, not anger, evident in his tone.

It’s now Bokuto’s turn to take a deep breath. Bokuto snakes his way to Akaashi’s face and gently pulls his face out of his knees and face him. Akaashi’s face has tear marks down his cheeks that feel from red glassy eyes. His chin is scrunched and his lips are pressed tightly together. Bokuto uses both his thumbs to wipe Akaashi’s face free of tears and Akaashi uses his sleeve to wipe his running nose and sniffles. “Because I love you, and I care about you. I never want to leave you.” 

Akaashi doesn’t know when he stopped looking for lies in Bokuto’s eyes, but he finds himself investigating Bokuto’s eyes again and his heart breaks.  _ Even after everything today I still have the gall to suspect him of lying to me? How awful could I be. Of course he’s not lying. Bokuto never lies to me.  _ Akaashi’s face scrunches and he buries his head in his hands. He can’t begin to focus on Bokuto’s love because he was so focused on his own hate for himself. 

Bokuto pulls Akaashi into his chest and begins shushing him like a mother to a newborn baby. “Akaashi, everythings okay. You can tell me what’s bothering you. What are you thinking?” Bokuto lets the pause linger before he breaks it. “You know, when I imagined all the ways you’d react to me confessing to you, I never pictured you crying.” This earns a scoff through Akaashi’s sobs and a weak punch to Bokuto’s chest. “Hey! I got a response! There’s a start to the Akaashi I know and love.” Akaashi giggles a little and begins to pull away from Bokuto’s chest wiping his face. 

“I’m sorry.” Akaashi says between sniffles. 

“You don’t need to apologize.” Bokuto reassures. “Just help me understand what happened?”

Akaashi looks up to glassy golden eyes full of concern. “I freaked out because…” Akaashi exhales again and looks at Bokuto, wondering how truthful he should be. “I don’t think I’m someone who should be loved. That’s why I got off you.” Akaashi takes another steadying breath, but doesn’t turn back to Bokuto opting to stare straight ahead at the black tv screen. “Then when you said…  _ that _ .. I didn’t believe you and I was searching your face to see if you were lying, but at some point I had stopped looking for lies in your words, so suddenly doubting you made me feel awful and hate myself.” Akaashi’s words wobble as they leave his mouth. “You don’t lie to me, and you’re nothing but kind to me, and.. And.. I still doubted  _ you _ .” He turns to face Bokuto again, met with unwavering gold eyes. “How can you still treat me so kindly when I do nothing but doubt you?” Tears pool at the bottom of his eyes and his lips quiver.

“The day I met you I began to forget a life without you.” Bokuto smiles softly. “Love the one they are, not the one they should be.” Bokuto brushes Akaashi’s cheek. “When I read those two poems by Atticus I couldn’t stop thinking of you. You’re always on my mind. You’re not perfect,” Akaashi intakes a sharp breath, “but neither am I. Only selfish people expect other people to be perfect. It’s not a secret that you don’t feel comfortable trusting people. I know that. I know there are going to be times when you don’t immediately trust me and want extra reassurance. That’s not a bad thing.” Akaashi hiccups as he cries. Bokuto pulls Akaashi to his chest and embraces him again. He places a kiss at the top of his head. “Those poems have never left my head and I’m reminded of them every time I look at you.” He strokes his hand through Akaashi’s hair. “I love you.”

“But I’m not good enough for you. I’ll just be taking advantage of you.” Akaashi fists his hands in Bokuto’s shirt.

“You are so amazing Akaashi, you just don’t see it. You don’t see all the ways you are good for me.”

“Yeah? Like what?” 

“I need someone who will take all of my love. Who will listen to me when I talk. Someone to hold me at night and sleep through me getting ready in the morning. Someone who takes their coffee bitter but still remembers my complicated and sweet order.” Bokuto pulls back to look into Akaashi’s red eyes. “You’re all of those things for me. You’re afraid of taking advantage of my love, but I want you too, and I want to take advantage of your love too. You can search for all the lies you want but this is no lie. I want you to be my boyfriend Akaashi.” 

Akaashi searches Bokuto’s eyes, his face, his whole body for a lie, but can’t find one. Akaashi meet’s Bokuto’s gaze again. “I just… can’t”

“Why not? Are you not happy with me?” Bokuto asks with all sincerity, pushing his feelings and pride to the side for the moment. 

“No!” Akaashi exclaims in a panic. “I always want to spend time with you. You make me so happy.” Akaashi’s heart is racing. He has developed an empty feeling in his stomach at the thought of Bokuto leaving him, and he hates it. 

“Then just do what makes you happy.” Bokuto says with a soft smile.

Akaashi freezes and his breathing stalls. His eyes fog over and his eyes seem to hold no emotion. “The last time someone said that to me I lost everything.” 

Bokuto holds onto Akaashi’s arms, afraid Akaashi would run away otherwise. “What happened? I’m not going anywhere Akaashi.” 

Akaashi doesn’t know where to start or what to tell him, so he goes with the simplest story he can cultivate from his past. “In middle school I was a loner. I always had trouble making friends. I was an only child and introverted. You know how people say an introvert doesn’t make friends, but just gets adopted by an extrovert? Well, I was an introvert that didn’t get adopted. My parents moved when I started high school at a new district, so nobody at the new district knew me. I took it as an opportunity to start new. I traded my glasses for contacts. I started styling my hair to define my curls. I decided I was going to pick an extrovert and they’d introduce me to all their friends and I finally wouldn’t be alone anymore.” Akaashi takes a deep breath and continues. “Anyway, fast forward and I wasn’t happy with the situation I was in and two of my classmates I had met through that extrovert saw me break down.” Akaashi’s tone turns more aggressive as he recounts the next part. “They told me to do what made me happy and said they’d support me all the way, because we were friends. I was scared, but I trusted that they would be there for me. That was on Friday. When I walked into school the following Monday a bad rumor about me had spread and they wouldn’t believe me at all. They wouldn’t even listen to me.” Akaashi was equal parts angry and sad, but that just added up to him feeling hurt. “For the last year and a half of high school I never made another friend and I haven’t trusted anyone since. Well- until I met you. And recently your friends too, but you get what I mean.” 

“I’m so sorry Akaashi.” Bokuto slides his hands down Akaashi’s arms to grab his hands. “I’m sorry they did that to you. It must have been really painful.”

“Yeah.”

Bokuto notices the way Akaashi’s body loses tension and then Akaashi’s head hits Bokuto’s chest, unable to support his weight any longer. “You must be really tired. You shared a lot tonight and had your fair share of tears. Actually, you should finish this.” Bokuto picks up the glass with some water left in it. “You’ll thank me tomorrow.” Akaashi accepts it. “Thank you for trusting me with so much tonight Akaashi. I promise you, none of it was a mistake and I only cherish you more for it.” He takes the empty glass from Akaashi and places it on the table. “Okay, time for bed.” Bokuto stands up and lifts Akaashi off the couch bridal style and carries him to his bed. Akaashi would have protested but he was far too exhausted. Bokuto slides next to Akaashi and immediately wraps Akaashi into his chest, knowing tonight was a night he’d want to be held.

Akaashi hums and reaches up to push Bokuto’s hair aside, just for it to fall back onto Bokuto’s face. Akaashi runs his hand through Bokuto’s hair a few times admiring the softness and the way it falls. Bokuto just lets a loving stare linger. Satisfied, He does it one last time, but pauses when he holds the hair up before it falls. “Goodnight Bokuto.”

“Goodnight Akaashi.” 

Akaashi lets Bokuto’s hair fall once more, and falls asleep where he’s at peace:  _ Home. _


	12. Confronting the Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small CW: burn scars, non graphic  
> Hey everyone! Thanks for reading. <3 Always feel free to comment anything!
> 
> User @Aoko_Cantabile I hope this satiates some of your curiosities from chapter 8!

Akaashi feels a thick calloused thumb stroking his cheek as he begins to regain consciousness. He squeezes his eyes together and cracks open his eyelids to peek. Bokuto is propped on one elbow on his side with his cheek smushed against his hand. His soft, closed-lipped smile holds nothing but admiration for the sleeping man in front of him. Bokuto moves his hand from Akaashi’s cheek and pushes back Akaashi’s hair from his forehead. “Good morning sleepyhead.” 

“Mmm. Morning.” Akaashi croaks. His voice growls a little more aggressively due to its overuse the night before. Bokuto’s face heats up at the sound, but Akaashi doesn’t seem to notice, still just waking up. “Wait, why are you here still?”

“What do you mean?” Bokuto’s face falls.

“You usually leave early for a run or work.” Akaashi moves to sit up against the back of the bed. 

“I don’t have work today remember? Plus,” Bokuto turns onto Akaashi’s torso burying his head in Akaashi’s stomach, “I didn’t want you to wake up alone today.”

Akaashi is glad Bokuto has buried his face, because Akaashi couldn’t suppress his blush this early in the morning being caught off guard. Akaashi runs his long fingers through Bokuto’s flat, soft hair watching the strands wrap around each finger. In a matter of minutes Akkashi hears soft snoring and the wetness of drool on his shirt, and Akaashi it is now Akaashi’s turn to smile in adoration as the sun pokes through the curtains illuminating them.

…

  
  


Warmth rushes over Akaashi’s face as he reaches into the oven. 

“MMMMMMM My olfactory receptors are telling me it is time to EAT!” Kuroo yells with enthusiasm crossing the floor from the living room to the kitchen.

“They need to cool down first, but yes it’s almost time.” Akaashi informs Kuroo.

“Not before we frost them first though!” Bokuto interjects with the white cream in a piping bag (ziplock bag with the corner cut off). 

Kenma had invited everyone over to play Uno, but only Bokuto, Akaashi, and Kuroo were available. It was a weekday afterall. Kenma had told them that his gaming friend was able to join so everyone was excited to meet whoever  **crow1.0** is. Apparently they’ve played together for a long time. Kenma was out with his gaming friend and was going to be bringing him home soon. Akaashi timed the cinnamon buns to be done around the time they’d be expected home.

Bokuto starts frosting the cinnamon buns as the door knob jiggles. Kenma walks in and a voice shouts behind him, not yet inside. “Uwah! Your place is so big! And it has a balcony?! That’s incredible!”

“I’m home.” Kenma calls out.

“Welcome home Kenma,” Kuroo leans down and kisses the top of his head. “Come on in, everyone’s in the kitchen.”

Akaashi heard the conversation at the door, but he was helping Bokuto make sure he was splitting up the frosting evenly among the tray of treats, so he wasn’t really listening. Bokuto was telling him that he’d make sure he’d cover them all. Akaashi sprinkles “You missed a spot”’s teasing Bokuto.

“Keiji?” A voice rings out. 

Akaashi turns to see who just used his name. Orange hair. Short. “Shoyo?” His mouth goes dry.

“You two know each other?” Kuroo says in shock.

“Your name is Keiji?” Kenma asks.

“I like to go by my last name now,” Akaashi answers Kenma first, “but I went to high school with Shoyo, so he knows me as Keiji.”

“Hinata?” Bokuto approaches the group, surprised to hear someone call Akaashi by Keiji.

“Bokuto?!” Hinata says with excitement.

“Hold on why do you two know my boyfriend’s friend and I don’t?” Kuroo sputters.

“He’s my star pupil at the gym!” Bokuto boasts with pride puffing his chest.

Hinata mimics him turning to face Kuroo. “Yeah! He trained me a couple years ago and now we work out together sometimes.”

“Well then I guess the last person to be introduced is you.” Kenma holds back a chuckle. “Shoyo this is Kuroo, my boyfriend. Everyone, this is crow, my gaming friend.”

“Nice to meet ya.” Kuroo holds his hand out and shares a handshake with Shoyo.

“We made cinnamon rolls for everyone!” Bokuto cheers. “Let’s eat them before we start recording.”

Kenma makes a disgusted face. “You all better wash your hands before even thinking of holding my cards.”

Everyone settles around the kitchen picking at the tray. Bokuto notices the way Akaashi’s shoulders are inching towards his ears. Under the table Bokuto squeezes Akaashi’s hands that were fiddling in his lap. Akaashi jolts at the touch, then sends a tense smile to Bokuto before staring at his half eaten cinnamon roll.

“So you guys went to high school together?” Kuroo asks Shoyo and Akaashi.

“Yes.” Akaashi answers. Shoyo’s mouth purses together.

“Did you guys know each other? What were your impressions of the other?” Kuroo prods.

“We knew each other. Shoyo was really popular, and had a lot of friends. We weren’t close like that. He was nice and always had people around him. Basically the opposite of me.” Akaashi answers first, trying to cut the tension between him and Shoyo.

“Yeah, I guess we weren’t close after all. I’d only see Akaashi around his boyfriend until they broke up. After that he didn’t really talk to people.” Hinata adds. 

Akaashi’s stomach twists. He fakes a laugh and rubs his neck. “Yeah I guess it was like that. Good thing I had books.” Akaashi avoids everyone’s eyes, but he feels them all staring at him either with anger, confusion, guilt, or concern.

“How do you know Kodzuken?” Shoyo asks Akaashi.

“Oh. Uh a while ago Bokuto and Kuroo and some of their other friends were playing frisbee in the park and I accidentally got hit by their frisbee. I started hanging out with Bokuto and everyone else and I met Kenma because of them.”

“Yeah and, oh I don’t know, you lived here after your apartment got robbed dude!” Kuroo exacerbated.

An awkward uninvited silence hung around the room.

Kenma is the one to change the subject and break the silence. “Alright everybody wash their hands, we have to start the live stream soon.”

Kuroo shoves the last half of his cinnamon roll into his mouth and stands making his way to the sink. Shoyo follows suit behind Kuroo. Akaashi pushes his plate toward Bokuto. “I can’t finish this, do you want it?” He wears a fake smile hoping Bokuto finds him cute enough to not say anything. 

“Are you okay?” Bokuto whispers. “What was that about?”

“Nothing.” Akaashi lies and waves a hand in front of his face.

Bokuto sighs. “I don’t believe you but okay.” He clears Akaashi’s plate and moves to the sink. 

Akaashi opts to use the bathroom sink and splashes water on his face.  _ Get it together Akaashi. No more hiding. Get through this and don’t let it get out of hand.  _ Akaashi walks out and sits on a floor pillow around the living room coffee table next to Bokuto where there was a camera set up and a mic in the middle of the table. 

“So my audience doesn’t get confused, can we all call Shoyo ‘crow’, his screen name? And me by Kodzuken.” Kenma asks. Everyone affirms.

“Ah, Shoyo, can you call me by Akaashi too, for the sake of the stream? I don’t want my whole name broadcasted or for them to have trouble following the conversation.” It’s true he didn’t want the audience to be confused or know his full name, but he would also be glad to not hear his given name.

“Sure.”

“Thanks.”

“Alright. I’m going to be starting the stream now.” Kenma clicks some buttons on the laptop he had behind him then turned to the camera. “Hey everyone, welcome back to my channel. You all wanted me to do a game that didn’t require a screen, so today I am going to be playing uno with some of my friends. Starting with the person next to me is crow, you should all be familiar with him by now.”

“Hey!” Shoyo waves with a bright smile, one Akaashi vividly remembers.

“Next to crow is Bokuto-”

“Hey hey hey!” Bokuto cheers with both hands up in fists.

“then Akaashi,” Akaashi just waves silently at the camera. “And last and least is Kuroo.”

“Oi.” Kuroo reprimands Kenma for his joke.

“Right, sorry. Last and DEFINITELY least, my  _ boyfriend _ , Kuroo.” Kenma corrects pinching Kuroo’s cheek.

“Yo!” Kuroo smiles at the camera with a peace sign.

“I know every family has their own way of playing uno with their own rules, but we are going to play this like the one that comes free with the xbox.” Kenma informs.

“Uno doesn’t come with the xbox.” Bokuto says with his head cocked.

“Yes it does dipshit.” Kenma retorts. “Anyway, the rules are as follows. You have to put down a card of either the same symbol slash number or the same color. If you don’t have a card you can play you have to draw from the deck until you get a playable card. When you play a zero card you shift the cards in the direction of the flow. If you play a seven card you get to pick someone to swap hands. Plus 2 cards and plus 4 card stack. You can jump in if you have the exact same card as someone put down, then we continue the rotation from the person that jumped in. Any questions?” 

Akaashi, Shoyo, and Kuroo shake their heads no. “Good.” Kenma begins dealing the cards.

Bokuto looks on with vacant eyes and a pout. Akaashi notices Bokuto’s lack of response and leans over to whisper “I’m sure Kenma doesn’t mean you’re a dipshit. He’s just trying to be entertaining for his audience.”

Bokuto nods and a smile grows back on his face. “You’re right. Thanks.” He whisper cheers to Akaashi who smiles genuinely at his response. That is, he smiles until he sees Shoyo looking at him.

“I’ll go first and then it’ll go to crow.” Kenma informs flipping the first card in the deck over to start the game.

There is good banter especially between Bokuto and Kuroo. Hinata joins them too, being the extrovert he is. The battle is really between Kenma and Akaashi, the two calculating minds. They have played a couple of games and it stands at Kuroo and Bokuto with no wins, Shoyo with one win, and Kenma and Akaashi were tied with two wins each. Akaashi has uno and its Kenma’s turn to play one of his two cards left.

“Alright you guys, I trust that you two will know what to do.” Kenma informs Shoyo and Bokuto as he plays a red plus 2.

“Oh I see.” Shoyo says as he plays a blue plus 2.

“Oh ho ho, the game isn’t over yet. Sorry Akaashi.” Bokuto grins as he plays a yellow plus 2.

Akaashi doesn’t change his expression or say anything as he plays a yellow plus 2 and folds his hands back into his lap.

“You’re kidding me!” Kenma leans across the table over the pile of cards to get in Akaashi’s face.

“You set that one up, not me.” Akaashi says with his hands raised in defense.

“Not fair!” Kuroo throws his pile of cards on the table. “Even if that wasn’t Akaashi’s last card I STILL wouldn’t be able to play anything and pick up MORE cards. I wanna switch seats. I can’t be at Akaashi’s mercy any longer.” Kuroo whines and crosses his arms. When nobody volunteers, Kuroo stands up and points at Shoyo. “Shrimpy, switch with me. I need my bro.”

Shoyo switches and sits next to Akaashi. Akaashi holds his composure, but he didn’t realize just how relaxed he was to have Bokuto as a buffer between them. His heart beats faster, so he tries to focus on the cards in his hand rather than Shoyo sitting next to him.

“Alright this is the last game. Maybe you two can conspire with each other and maybe win a game.” Kenma says to Kuroo and Bokuto.

The game continues and Kuroo plays a green seven. “Akaashi, hand ‘em over.” Akaashi hands Kuroo his four cards and Kuroo hands him his stack of fourteen. 

_ I guess it wasn’t the seating that made Kuroo bad at uno. His hand was disgustingly disorganized with no order. _ Akaashi jumps in with another green seven from his new hand and holds out his hand expectantly at Kuroo.

“Bastard!” Kuroo curses and they exchange their hands again.

Hinata plays a green six and says “You better not be cheating Akaashi.” 

Bokuto tries to jump in with a green nine. His smile and confidence made his mistake believable, but Kenma called him out and Bokuto regretfully retrieves his card and put it back in his hand. Kuroo and Akaashi give Bokuto a pat on the back.

“I’ve never cheated.” Akaashi answers coldly, but his lower eye twitches. 

“Yeah if anyone’s cheating it’s gotta be Kuroo, he can hide anything behind his stupid smirk.” Bokuto tries to deflect without dropping the mood, picking up on Akaashi’s tone.

"What about Kodzuken! He's way too good at games. He's got cheat codes." 

Kenma "No, I just know how to play" and places a green skip, making it Bokuto’s turn and eliciting a frustrated groan from Kuroo. Bokuto plays a green three. “See? I would’ve played his green nine so nobody would know that I still have it in my hand. That’s the stuff Akaashi and I pick up on.” 

Akaashi nods. “Sorry Bokuto.”

Bokuto joins Kuroo in his groan of frustration realizing his mistake. 

The game ends in Kenma’s win. Kenma signs off his stream and turns everything off. “Thanks everybody for your help. The chat seemed to be enjoying it.”

“Of course! It’s always fun being on your streams.” Kuroo kisses Kenma’s cheek. 

“Yeah! It’s even more fun in person!” Shoyo adds. “I can’t believe your channel has gotten so big after high school.”

“I can’t believe I’ve known you for so long and didn’t know you were crow.” Bokuto says.

“Funny how small the world is.” Kenma smiles.

“Yeah. I never thought I’d see Keiji again!” Hinata continues. Akaashi’s face falls. 

“Hey,” Bokuto wraps an arm around Akaashi and squeezes his shoulder. “We’re all friends here.” Bokuto says sternly to Shoyo. Akaashi’s head turns to face Bokuto who doesn’t break his glare on Shoyo.

“I didn’t mean that in any way,” Shoyo backpedals. Although his face was cheery, his tone sold him out.

“It's fine. Forget about it.” Akaashi says low and turns to tidy the kitchen.  _ Just distract yourself with a task. You can leave soon. Just stay a little longer so it doesn’t seem like you’re running from Shoyo. _ With his eyebrows furrowed together, Akaashi starts putting the leftover cinnamon rolls away but is interrupted.

“Oi, wait. I want some more!” Kuroo calls and rushes over.

“Ah, so you still don’t consider others feelings. You just do what you want.” Hinata chastises. 

Akaashi slams the tupperware onto the counter. “Alright, that’s enough.” Akaashi raises his voice and grabs Hinata’s wrist. “Bokuto I’m borrowing your room for a minute.” He drags Shoyo into Bokuto’s room and slams and locks the door behind him. “What is your problem?” He hisses at Shoyo.

“You obviously haven’t changed from high school and I don’t want you to hurt my friends.” Shoyo hisses back.

“ _ You’re _ the one that hasn’t changed from high school.”

“I didn’t have anything to be ashamed of unlike you.” Shoyo spits. “I see the way Bokuto looks at you. No way I’m gonna sit back silently and watch history repeat itself.” 

Akaashi pauses. “You... still don’t believe me.” Akaashi’s arms hang limp at his sides and anger bubbles in his chest.

“Why would I?” Hinata bites back. “He was crushed but you weren’t remorseful at all!”

Akaashi’s mouth forms a deep frown and his chin crunches. His eyes grow wet, but still hold a fiery anger. Akaashi lifts his shirt to expose scattered red dots all over his torso. Shoyo’s eyes blow wide at the sight. “You know how he smoked cigarettes. You know these aren’t fake because why would I go through the trouble for someone over five years ago who I didn’t even know I’d be seeing today.” Akaashi’s tears are a blink away from falling but his gaze won’t be broken. 

“Keiji,” Shoyo whispers with an apologetic tone.

“Please don’t call me that.” 

“Sorry, Akaashi.” Hinata steps forward and pushes Akaashi’s shirt down, but Akaashi says holding onto the hem like a lifeline. “I didn’t know…” his voice trails off.

“You told me to do whatever makes me happy that day. He didn’t. You told me you’d be there for me, but you weren’t.” 

“I’m sorry.” Shoyo whispers and starts to cry softly.

“You guys left me alone and I never trusted anyone again. I never made any friends. I swore to myself I wouldn’t.” 

“I’m sorry.” Shoyo says a little louder.

“Then Bokuto’s frisbee hit me in the face and he trusted me so fast and was so kind and friendly, I couldn’t keep pushing him away.” Akaashi and Shoyo alternate sniffles. “You know what he told me?” Shoyo lifts his eyes to meet Akaashi’s. “To do what makes me happy.” Akaashi scoffs at the irony. “I got scared.” 

Shoyo’s face scrunches up and he drops his head. “I’m sorry.” He speaks it louder.

“Please don’t take them away from me by bringing up a false story from the past.” Akaashi brings up a hand to wipe at his face. 

“I’m sorry!” Shoyo yells.

Akaashi lowers his arm from his eyes that are blown wide in shock and stares at Shoyo.

“I’m sorry for not believing you in high school. I’m sorry for breaking my promise and leaving you alone. I’m sorry I’ve been mean to you all day. I’m sorry!” Shoyo cries out.

Akaashi steps forward and hugs Shoyo. Shoyo wraps around Akaashi tightly. They stood holding each other hiccupping and sobbing. Akaashi loosens his grip and looks down at Shoyo who is rubbing at his eyes. “It’s in the past now.” Akaashi croaks.

“We’re good?” Shoyo looks up at him in disbelief. 

“Yeah,” Akaashi chuckles at the youthfulness of the question. “We’re good.”

Akaashi walks past everyone in the kitchen with a small wave and goes to the bathroom to wash his face with cold water. When he returns to the kitchen it is oddly quiet and Shoyo was filling himself a glass of water. “Anyone wanna play smash?” Akaashi offers. 

“You two wash your hands,” Kenma directs Bokuto and Kuroo, “I’ll go set it up.

Akaashi steps behind Bokuto and wraps his arms over Bokuto’s shoulder and leans into his neck so he can whisper to Bokuto without being overheard. “Everything is fine. I know I look like I was crying, well I mean I did cry, but everything is fine now. I promise. Don’t worry, really.” Akaashi tucks his head against Bokuto’s neck to feel his comforting warmth.

Bokuto pulls away to turn around and is faced with a gentle smile and peace behind blue/green eyes. Bokuto stands and gives Akaashi a quick hug before walking away and washing his hands.

Everyone plays together and the tension is no longer there. Akaashi ended up leaving pretty early still because he was tired. Bokuto offered him his bed, but Akaashi rejected the offer saying he has work the next morning and isn’t prepared. When he leaves, he hugs everyone goodbye including Shoyo.


	13. The Bokutos

Oikawa is elated, animatedly recounting his date with Iwaizumi. “Then he got all flustered and embarrassed and pushed me away. I would be offended by him pushing me, but he looked so cute covering his face like that so I kissed the back of his hand and he completely turned his back to me.”

“Sounds like you both are having a good time.” Akaashi notes. 

“What about you?” Oikawa prods.

Akaashi straightens his posture and clears his throat. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Oh don’t go feigning innocence on me mister.” Oikawa scolds. “I can tell at least  _ something _ has happened.” Akaashi remains silent. Oikawa slams both hands on the counter. “It’s been almost three months since New Years. You’re telling me nothing has changed since then?” Akaashi shoots a confused look at Oikawa. “Oh please, I saw him kiss your hand and you get all red. It’s sweet, really.” Oikawa smiles. 

Akaashi tries deflecting to hide the heat rushing to his face. “I thought you were too busy with chunks.” Akaashi didn’t usually refer to Iwaizumi this way, not like Suga has, but Akaashi wants to distract Oikawa as far as possible and the origin of the nickname might just do the trick.

“Are you saying that you’ve given Bo a blowjob?” Oikawa teases.

“NO!” Akaashi shouts and is promptly shushed and he mumbles apologies. “No I have not you pervert.” Akaashi hisses. His plan backfired miserably.

“So what’s going on then?”

Akaashi huffs. “Nothing.”

Oikawa squints his eyes. “You’ve kissed!” Oikawa exclaims. Shh’s are heard but Oikawa doesn’t care.

“Shut up!” Akaashi seethes. “How did you know?”

“Your lip twitched after you said ‘nothing’.” 

“You got that from my lip twitching?” Akaashi looks in disbelief, calling Oikawa’s bluff. 

“You’re right, I made it up. But I was right, you’ve kissed him!” Oikawa is far too excited in Akaashi’s opinion. 

“Yeah, we kissed once. But that was it.” Akaashi is defensive but he doesn’t know why. Habit? Maybe it’s the shame in knowing what he wants and knowing he could have it, but he still refuses it. 

“Tell me about it!” Oikawa smacks Akaashi’s arm. “Give me some more details than that! As your best friend you should be telling me these things.” Oikawa says it jokingly, but deep down Akaashi knows that Oikawa wishes he didn’t have to dig for these things, and Akaashi wishes he could just say these things without being prompted.

“Bokuto’s my best friend.” Akaashi corrects.

“Boo he should be your boyfriend so I can take back my title of best friend.” Oikawa says flatly. “Stop procrastinating, I’m not gonna be distracted.”

“Fine.” Akaashi relents. “I told him my New Year’s resolution which was to trust people more. At the end of January he came over and we did a questionnaire that apparently helps you build trust with someone else. Like, bonding I guess.” Akaashi pauses expecting Oikawa to make a joke about bondage, but he doesn’t.  _ He’s really serious about this. _ “After the 36 questions you’re supposed to stare at each other for four minutes. When the timer went off I kissed him.” Oikawa waits for Akaashi to keep explaining, but it seems Akaashi was done sharing. 

“How did he react?”

“He kissed back. Actually, I asked him first if I could kiss him and he said ‘yes please’ so it was a mutual kiss.” 

Oikawa’s jaw dropped prompting Akaashi to ask ‘what?’ “You two mutually kissed each other and you  _ aren’t _ dating?” Akaashi averts his eyes to avoid answering. “Akaashi,” Oikawa begins to scold.

“Please don’t. Oikawa, please.” 

Oikawa takes a step back. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to overstep a boundary.”

“It’s not your fault.” Akaashi reassures. “Actually, you’re completely right.” Oikawa raises an eyebrow in confusion. “Another part of my New Year’s resolution was to not hide from my past and not let it hold me back anymore.” Akaashi takes a steadying breath. “Do you have plans tonight?” 

“None that I’m committed to.” Oikawa answers. 

“Can you help me tonight?” Akaashi asks.

“Of course, anything for my best friend.” Oikawa winks and Akaashi rolls his eyes, but he smiles.

…

The next week comes and Akaashi goes to Bokuto’s apartment like he planned. They were going to start reading new books together. When he knocked on the door Kenma answered.

“Hey, what’s up.” He left the door open for Akaashi to close walking back into the apartment.

“Nothing much. Just gonna start a new book with Bokuto. How’s your day?”

“Errm. Hm. Well I don’t think Bokuto will be up for much reading today. He’s sick. He didn’t tell you?” 

“No. Is he alright?” Akaashi asks with slight panic.

“Just a normal cold. He’s already had some medicine. He might be asleep but you can check up on him if you want.” Kenma offers.

Akaashi walks over to Bokuto’s door and gives it a light knock. “Bokuto?” Akaashi calls. He gets no response so he opens the door slowly. The bed is a mess of his blankets and pillows but it was all too flat to indicate there was a person in the bed. “Bokuto?” Akaashi calls in a panic.

“Kaashi?” Bokuto manages to say.

Akaashi whips his head around the room trying to spot Bokuto. He spots a yellow sweatshirt under the nightstand.  _ How did he get himself into such a small space? _ “What are you doing down there? You should be in bed.” Akaashi begins to scold.

“I’m sorry, I just feel more comfortable here.” Bokuto sniffles.

Akaashi crouches next to Bokuto and begins rubbing his back. “Why are you down here?”

“Whenever I’d get really sad or sick my sisters would cuddle me from both sides and it’d make me feel better.” He sniffs. “This is the closest I get to feeling squished by them.” 

“I’ll be right back, okay?” Bokuto nods and soon returns with Kenma in toe. “Alright Bokuto. Get into bed, we are gonna cuddle you just like your sisters.”

“Huh?” Bokuto asks in disbelief. “But. Kuroo isn’t home. And Kenma doesn’t-”

“Shut up. I’m obviously here now, don’t give me reason to turn around now.” Kenma cuts Bokuto off. 

“Okay.” Bokuto sniffles and gets on the bed. “Thank you.”

Bokuto lays between the two with his head facing Akaashi’s chest. Kenma lays on the outside of the bed and plays tetris on his phone in one hand. Akaashi plays with Bokuto’s unstyled hair. Akaashi has discovered it is his favorite thing to do. A knock sounds at the apartment door and Kenma excuses himself to answer it. Akaashi can hear voices talking, women maybe? Kenma opens Bokuto’s door and calls Akaashi out. Akaashi whispers he’ll be right back to Bokuto and leaves the bed.

When he walks out of the room he sees two women standing expectantly in the kitchen. One has short black hair with white strands framing her face. The other has long white hair that looks silky to the touch. “Hi.” Akaashi manages to say otherwise, absolutely stunned by their beauty. Their eyes are more copper than gold, but still entirely enticing. 

“Are you dating our brother?” The one with short dark hair says.

“Huh?” Akaashi squeaks two octaves higher than normal. Kenma stifles a chuckle behind his hand.

“Sora! Don’t be rude.” The one with white hair scolds. “I’m Aiko, and this is my sister Sorano. Bokuto’s our little brother.”

“I’m Akaashi. It’s nice to meet you.” He manages an awkward smile. “Bokuto’s sick, but that might actually turn out to be a good thing.” His smile grows.

The two sisters turn their heads to the right and Akaashi can’t help but giggle at the similarities. 

“He was under his night stand trying to simulate being squished between you two to feel better. I got him onto his bed. Want to surprise him?”

The sisters share a look and nod their head in sync. They all walk to Bokuto’s door and Aiko opens the door wide and holds her fists above her head and shouts “HEY!”

“HEY!” Sorano adds mimicking the pose of her older sister.

“HEY!” Bokuto matches but while laying in his bed. His eyes open wide looking at the ceiling. “Wait a second.”

Before Bokuto has time to register what's going on, his sisters have jumped into the bed on either side of him. Kenma smiles and retreats back to his room. Akaashi could cry from how adorable that all was. 

“What are you guys doing here?!” Bokuto exclaims in excitement. 

“We heard you were sick so we travelled all the way out here to cheer you up.” Sorano says sarcastically. Bokuto rolls his eyes.

“We have tickets for a Broadway show and we wanted to stop by and surprise you. Although, we did reserve the afternoon tomorrow for hanging out with you.” Aiko smiles.

“Yeah so you better get better and take off work.” Sorano quips.

Bokuto squeezes the two of them with all his strength. “You guys are the best. I’ll try my hardest. You’ll help me, right Akaashi?”

“Of course Bokuto.”

“Bokuto?” Sorano says. “We’re all Bokuto.”

“Not me.” Aiko says flashing a diamond ring.

“Oh I forgot you sold your family name to a white man.” Sorano sticks out her tongue.

“How is Noah?” Bokuto asks.

Akaashi takes his leave to start boiling soup. Bokuto was having family time and he wanted to respect that privacy. He returns with a bowl of soup and finds all three of them sleeping on the small bed, white and black hair strewn about the pillows. They awake later in the afternoon. Akaashi had stayed in the living room opting to read his personal book to pass the time. He didn’t want to start the book he would have read with Bokuto because he felt it would be like breaking a promise. Akaashi doesn’t understand it himself, but he would be upset if Bokuto read his book meant to be read with Akaashi on his own. He hears Bokuto’s door creak open and all three of them walk out straight to the pot of soup he left simmering on the stove. “You three sit down, I’ll get you bowls.” They all nod their head and take a seat at the table. Akaashi giggles.  _ Do all siblings move the same? _ He spoons the soup into bowls and places them down with a napkin. 

“Thank you.” They say in unison and pick up their spoons. 

“Geez you all move as one. It’s kind of freaky.” Akaashi laughs. He makes himself a bowl and takes the last empty seat. Nobody is speaking, moving like zombies to eat. Akaashi notices that Bokuto loudly slurps his soup, Sorano’s teeth clanks against the spoon, and Aiko eats silently. “How are you feeling Bokuto?”

They all look up from their bowl at Akaashi and make the same “Hmm?” noise. Akaashi realizes his mistake and throws his head into his hands.

“How are you feeling, Koutarou?” Akaashi corrects himself.

“Oh” the two sisters say and return to their meals.

“I’m feeling better. Not 100%, but better. This soup is really good Kaashi.”

Aiko and Sorano gesture a thumbs up and ok sign respectively, agreeing with Bokuto. “Thank you.” Akaashi answers them.

They finish their meals and Kuroo walks in the door. “I’m home! Smells good!” He takes in a big whiff of the chicken noodle soup and sets his bag down next to the door. “No way!”

“Sup loser.” Sorano calls out.

“What are you two doing here?!” Kuroo yells in excitement and lifts Sorano into a spinning hug.

“Checking in to see if you’ve done anything to fix your stupid hair. Guess you haven’t.” She pulls Kuroo down by his neck into a noogie. Aiko laughs as Kuroo struggles to be released.

When she lets him go and he stands he smiles with a smug grin. “I see your gorilla strength hasn’t changed.”

“Don’t ever expect it to. I gotta be able to keep beating you at arm wrestling matches.” 

“Aiko,” Kuroo coos, “you should have taught her how to be such a lady like you.” He leans over and gives her a hug from behind laying his head on her shoulder as she had been washing the dishes.

“Watch it Kuroo.” Aiko flicks wet flingers over her shoulder into Kuroo’s face causing him to reel back. “You shouldn’t touch a married woman like that.”

Kuroo pouts and makes a bowl for him and Kenma, calling for Kenma to join him. 

Aiko and Sorano leave saying they have a dinner reservation with friends they have to attend. Akaashi is surprised considering they just ate a meal, but no one else seems phased. Akaashi stays the night in Bokuto’s room to comfort him to sleep. Akaashi has a short morning shift tomorrow and wasn’t prepared to stay the night, but he’ll just get up early tomorrow and stop by his apartment in the morning. He wants to make Bokuto smile. He wants Bokuto to be happy. Akaashi watches Bokuto’s white hair be colored blue and green from his window’s art.

“I’ll tell you everything soon. I want to. Just… a little while longer.” Akaashi lightly kisses the top of Bokuto’s head. “I’m sorry.”

…

  
  


Akaashi, Bokuto, Aiko, and Sorano are walking through Central Park getting to know each other and catch up. They waited for Akaashi’s morning shift to end before starting their walk because they wanted to know the new person in his life better.

“So a library huh?” Aiko asks.

“Yeah. I’ve been working there since my second year in college. Soooo, “He drags out the ‘o’ to calculate just how long he’s worked there “five years now?”

“Wow that’s impressive.” Sorano responds in amazement. “I don’t like to stay at one place for too long.”

“More like no place wants to keep you for too long.” Bokuto amuses but is quickly humbled by a punch to the arm.

“How old are you?” Aiko asks.

“A year younger than Bo- Koutarou, 23.” Akaashi answers.

“How’d the two of you meet?” Sorano interjects. Aiko’s questions were sounding like a job interview and she was getting bored.

“That’s actually a funny story.” Akaashi starts. “Do you want to tell the story?”

“Sure!” Bokuto accepts. Akaashi feels like he’s told this story so many times he wanted a break from telling it. “So I was playing frisbee with Noya, Kuroo, Daichi, and Suga over there,” He points to the open field. I guess it was good timing that they asked this question at this point in the walk. “I noticed a beautiful boy with black curly hair reading under that tree. I couldn’t see his eyes, but I knew ‘dang that’s a nice looking guy’. Kuroo threw the frisbee across the circle at Suga who missed completely. Daichi called ‘heads up’ to try to get Akaashi’s attention but it was too late. I sprinted across the circle and caught up to Daichi who was jogging over. I pulled his shirt collar and he fell straight onto his back.”

“Bokuto!” Akaashi scolds in horror.

“What!” Bokuto responds, his voice an octave higher. “I had to get to you first! Besides, Daichi could handle it.” Akaashi pinches his nose and sighs. “As I was saying, I clotheslined Daichi and got to the beautiful boy under the tree and he was clutching his nose in his hands. I asked him if he was okay and that’s when I finally saw his eyes. They were so beautiful, even though they were a little bit teary. Doesn’t he have really pretty eyes?!” Bokuto exclaims to his sisters leaving Akaashi to desperately hide his blush. 

“He does. Very compelling.” Aiko answers.

“They were the first thing I noticed when he walked out of your room yesterday.” Sorano admits.

“So I’m staring at his eyes and then I remember ‘duh he hit his nose, check his nose’. He was bleeding so I gave him my shirt and ran to the CVS on the corner to get a first aid kit. Good thing Daichi was right behind me, I had him hold the shirt on Akaashi’s nose. I came back-”

“You’re forgetting a very important part of the story.” Akaashi interrupts.

“What did I forget?”

“That you left your phone with me because I didn’t think you’d come back.”

“Kou!” Aiko chastises while Sorano laughs wildly. “You shouldn’t trust anyone with something that important! Do you not remember when you gave someone your wallet and you forgot about a credit card in there and they maxed it out?”

“How else would they know I was coming back?” Bokuto asks honestly.

“That’s not your problem. All you have to do is just go back. You shouldn’t risk things like that.”

Bokuto shrugged. “But it made Akaashi feel better so I did it. Now look at us!” Aiko face palms. “Anyway, I came back and saw Kuroo totally bothering him so I took Akaashi away to clean and address his wound. I was trying to think of a way to see each other again and Akaashi picked up his book that had some blood on it. I played it up being all like ‘oh no! I ruined your book! Let me make it up to you!’ sort of thing” Sorano snorts a laugh. “Whatever! I was desperate! Akaashi must have thought I was sketchy because he had a lot of questions and kept saying he was a stranger and I just wanted to be like ‘well then let's hang out and not be strangers’ and I don’t know how it happened but Akaashi gave me his number and the rest is history!” Bokuto smiles and bumps his shoulder into Akaashi’s. 

“Wow that’s some story.” Sorano says.

“Much better than mine and Noah's,” Aiko concludes.

“Honestly, I never knew there was that much to the story. I just tell people you hit me with your frisbee.”

All three of them laugh. Akaashi doesn’t get what’s funny, but is happy all the same.

“So what was it like for you when Bokuto left you with all of his whacky friends?” Aiko asks Akaashi.

“Oh, uh, overwhelming to say the least.”

“I can imagine that.” Aiko responds.

“Daichi introduced himself politely. I don’t remember the order but Noya introduced himself and then introduced Suga as a felon. Suga kinda scared me, but he still seemed nice? I can’t explain it. Then kuroo picked up the frisbee and said something snarky like ‘so this thing cut you up?’ or ‘this did a number on ya’. Something stupid. Then I asked them how anyone could be so reckless as to leave their phone with a stranger and they started listing off things you’ve left other people and how it sometimes didn’t work out for you.”

“Yeah, it is New York City after all.” Bokuto concedes.

“At some point everyone went back to playing frisbee and it was just Kuroo and me. Kuroo was trying to get me to open and look through your phone and add my number. He unlocked it with just a swipe. I couldn’t believe you had no passcode.” Bokuto just shrugs. “That’s when Bo- Koutarou came running back and saved me from whatever embarrassment Kuroo was going to subject me to.”

“Yeah Kuroo is a bit of an ass.” Sorano agrees. “He likes to meddle in people’s business and mess with people.”

“Did Koutarou ever tell you about what he did when I stayed at their apartment?” Akaashi asks.

“No!” Sorano answers, excited to hear whatever stunt Kuroo had pulled.

“He had moved the things needed for coffee all around the kitchen and decided he wasn’t going to tell me where anything was, but he didn’t know I drink my coffee black and only needed to find a mug! He had put in all that work and he had to put it all back after.” Akaashi was wrapped in the story. He was having so much fun sharing stories.  _ Wait. I’m having... fun? Sharing? Sharing stories of my personal life with people I met yesterday? _ Akaashi’s chest bubbles with pride at the realization. He’s getting better. He’s doing better. He’s  _ trusting _ people with information about  _ his _ life without worrying how it could come back and hurt him. He feels lighter. 

Everyone was laughing at Kuroo’s botched prank. “Yeah! And you used the mug mom gave me when I moved.” He turns towards his sisters. “You know, the good morning one!”

“Yeah!” The two exclaim.

They all share stories and conversation flows easily. They talk about the times they had done Bokuto’s makeup as a teen and how his classmates were confused when so many of the upperclassmen girls knew his name. Sonaro had bullied Bokuto out of drinking the milk when he had finished his cereal saying it was weird. Aiko and Sonaro would steal Bokuto’s sweatshirts constantly saying that “boy’s sweatshirts are more comfortable than girl’s sweatshirts” and how it’s so unfair. They all played volleyball and were competitive about it. Aiko was the setter, Sorano was a libero, and Bokuto was the ace wing spiker. They were a killer combination. It would be unfair if they were all able to actually play on the same team, but they were all two years apart and Bokuto was a boy, so it was only Aiko and Sonaro who were able to play together in official matches. However, anytime the boys and girls teams practiced together, they were unstoppable when they were paired together. 

They see Bokuto’s sisters off at Penn Station, one taking Amtrak and the other the LIRR. Akaashi buys them all Auntie Anne’s pretzel nuggets sharing the tradition of his mother and they all hugged goodbye. 

“They’re even cooler in person.” Akaashi tells Bokuto.

“I know right?!” Sending Bokuto into another story about the time his sisters organized fundraisers for different families with financial struggles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It looks like there will be three more chapters. I hope you guys are enjoying the story. The next chapter is actually the second scene I wrote in my phone's notes before I had decided this fanfic would be bokuaka. The first scene I wrote before actually committing to writing a fanfic was the first scene with the old lady. I'll have more to edit than write for the next chapter so you can expect it pretty soon. <3 As always, I love reading your comments :)


	14. The Backstory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW: some homophobia, sexual content, graphic depictions of violence  
> I've marked the graphic violence within ### if you want to skip. I will leave a summary in the notes at the end for those who want to know what happened but not the details.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. This chapter may be a little heavy. If you think I should add more to the CW above please let me know. I'm new to posting stories and things that should have CW/TW and I don't want to be ignorant. 
> 
> I chose to stick with Japanese names for everyone because it felt weird writing an American name in the cast of all these Japanese names. I hope it doesn't bother you all. 
> 
> It feels wrong to say "Enjoy this chapter" but uhh... here's the story's update :/

Akaashi is ready to share his past. He practiced with Oikawa weeks ago after their shift at the library, but he still gets a lump in his throat at the thought of telling Bokuto. Akaashi paces in his living room stealing glances out the window to see the sun set. Bokuto would be coming over any time now. Akaashi’s sweaty palms push back his hair as he whispers affirmations to himself.  _ I’ll be able to tell him. I won’t cry. He won’t be scared away. He won’t think I’m pathetic. _ He repeats over and over paraphrasing the same sentiments. The sharp screeching of the tea kettle diverts his attention and he moves to the kitchen preparing two cups of tea. He knows his throat will need it tonight. He would normally put up the divider to separate his bedroom, but it was only Bokuto visiting so there was no point. Akaashi picks at his nails. Even wearing his comfort clothes wasn’t doing much to calm his nerves. Akaashi specifically waited for a day they both wouldn’t have work the next day because he hoped Bokuto would stay with him the next morning the way he did two months ago after sharing so much of himself. 

*knock knock*

Akaashi jumps where he stands and stills. He takes a deep breath and counts to three before releasing it. He carefully walks to the door and opens it. Bokuto stands there wearing athleisure, like he always does. His shirt is a bright royal blue that stretches to fit across his chest and in his ol’ reliable black joggers that somehow still draws attention to his butt’s curve, though Akaashi tries to not focus on that. Seeing how strong and confident Bokuto stands reminds Akaashi of just how small and weak he feels. Akaashi wears a faded forest green shirt so large it threatens to fall off his shoulder. The shirt has a large cracked graphic design of trees and animals with “Rainforest Cafe” printed below the picture. It is loosely tucked into one side of the grey drawstring sweatpants tied with a bow to keep the shirt from falling to his knees. 

“I didn’t know we were having a pajama party Akaashi!” Bokuto jokes as he steps inside.

“Ah, I just wanted to be in comfortable clothes.” Akaashi admits, rubbing his neck. “Tea? I have some made.”

“Sure.”

Akaashi pours the tea into the mercurial mug for himself and a random black one for Bokuto. Akaashi reads his cup to himself:  _ Mercurial: Subject to change _ . He follows the yellow paint strokes he had made when decorating the mug and flower.  _ Such a long way I’ve come since that time in the park. _ Akaashi is proud of himself, but his smile is still sad while admiring the cup. He runs his thumb over the definition hoping he can be mercurial too if he absorbs the meaning.

“Everything okay Akaashi?” Bokuto asks, having noticed Akaashi’s movements, clothing, and smile.

“Mn.” Akaashi humms, then raises his head to meet golden eyes. “I’m nervous, but… I want to tell you more about my past. I think I’m ready to.”

Bokuto’s eyes widen. “You, you want to tell me about your past?”

“Yes. I think I can trust you with it.” Akaashi answers. Akaashi notices Bokuto’s lip tremble, so he reaches out his hand that doesn’t hold his mug to place on Bokuto’s shoulder. “I didn’t mean to upset you, I’m so sorry.” Akaashi shakes his head and continues, “Forget it, forget I said anythi-”

“Akaashi.” Bokuto’s voice stops Akaashi’s spiral. “You trust me with that? With your past?” Akaashi raises his head to see Bokuto’s glassy, beautiful eyes. 

“Yes.” Akaashi’s eyes water at the sight. He had seen Bokuto cry at movies they’ve watched and shed a tear when Kuroo would set up something romantic for Kenma, but something in his eyes was different. “I want to tell you. I trust you.” They stare into each other's eyes before Bokuto breaks the contact and wipes his eyes with his arm.

“Okay, yeah. Do you want to go to the couch or your bed? Which is more comfortable?” Bokuto asks.

Akaashi pauses to think. He thought it would just be like last time with them sitting and facing each other on the couch, but now that Bokuto mentions it, Akaashi would probably feel more comfortable laying down in his bed when recounting the story. “Do you think I could lay my head on your lap in my bed? I think I’d feel most comfortable like that.”

“Of course.” Bokuto smiles softly, ready to pet Akaashi’s head to soothe him.

Bokuto rests his back on the headboard of the bed sitting up with his legs stretched in front of him. Akaashi climbs into the bed and curls up into the fetal position with his head in Bokuto’s lap facing away from Bokuto. He quickly feels a hand on his head and he feels comforted. It’s one of the many things on the list of things he loves about Bokuto. 

“Whenever you're ready. Take your time. If you need a break we can stop.” Bokuto reassures Akaashi as they settle into the bed. Akaashi nods his head and begins. 

[flashback]

Akaashi is walking through the halls of his high school when he hears a girl say, “I can’t believe Akaashi has a birthmark down there. It’s kinda cute though.” Akaashi knows his boyfriend, the extrovert he had chosen in high school, took videos of him when they were intimate, but his boyfriend said they were for him only. Akaashi feels a chill run down his spine hearing his name accompanied by private things about himself from the familiar, but distant girl. 

_ How does she know about my birthmark? Who could have told her that? It’s not like I shower in the locker room. Only Kentaro knows about it. But I can’t ask him about it because then he’ll get mad thinking that I’m accusing him of something. Of breaking his promise that the videos he took were just for him. He’ll be mad and hurt just by me asking. _

Akaashi mulls over the details for the remainder of the week, contemplating how he should approach this problem. On Friday he finds the girl in the hallway and pulls her to the side to talk with her more privately. He recognizes the girl as Yui Michimiya. He’s seen her at a lot of the parties Kentaro brings him to.

“How do you know about my birthmark?” Akaashi asks straight to the point. 

She shyly averts her eyes. “Well, I was at a party last Saturday and I was telling people about how I wished you were straight so that we could date, but Kentaro overheard.” Her cheeks were bright red, embarrassed about being so honest. Akaashi would have been embarrassed too, but his focus was on something much more important to him. “Kentaro said something like ‘oh, you wouldn’t like him. He makes you think he’s all innocent and put together but hes such a little slut in private.’ Then he pulled out his phone and showed me a video.” Her voice trails off at the end.

Akaashi’s eyes widen. “What was the video?” Akaashi presses.

“I don’t think I should say.”

“Tell me. Please. It’s of me anyway, right? What did he show you?”

She describes the video. Akaashi was fingering himself while his boyfriend was face fucking him. When Kentaro pulled out, Akaashi cried "Please I can’t take it anymore" and his boyfriend said back "That’s not what I told you to say Keiji." Akaashi’s eyes let tears fall and drops his head. Kentaro slaps his dick on Akaashi’s face and commanded "Look at the camera properly and speak up." Akaashi looked up again and breathed in stutters. "Master please I cant wait any longer." Boyfriend grabs at Akaashi’s face aggressively squeezing his cheeks with one hand. "Turn around." and he paused the video as Akaashi began to move. 

Akaashi feels sick.  _ How many people has he shown this video to? Did he show people other videos and pictures too? _

Yui follows him as he runs to the boys bathroom entrance as the bell for class rang. She sat there occasionally calling in to remind him "You're not alone. I’m here. I’m so sorry he showed me that and did that to you. Do you need anything?" But Akaashi never called back. At one point a friend of hers walked by and she asked him to just see if Akaashi is okay. Shoyo goes into the bathroom to find Akaashi locked in a stall sitting on the toilet with his knees to his chin. Silently sobbing. 

Hinata's cheerfulness is subdued as he softly calls "Akaashi? Are you in here?" Akaashi chokes on a cough/sob. "That doesn't sound fun. Do you want some water? Maybe a hug? I don’t know what's going on but its rare to hear you upset." 

Akaashi sniffles and wipes his face. All too tired. He unlocks the stall door and Shoyo steps back further into the bathroom. Akaashi emerges from the stall with his shoulders curled in and head cast down, shuffling to the sink. He washes his face and Shoyo just stares following Akaashi's movements. 

"Can I have some water please?" Akaashi squeezes out. 

Hinata stands still -  _ out of character for him _ Akaashi thinks - until his brain must've recognized the request as he shifts his bag to his front and frantically grabs the reusable water bottle and hands it to Akaashi. "Thank you" his voice rivaling morning voice with its roughness. Hinata simply nods. 

Akaashi looks like he's in a haze. His eyes are glassy and unfocused. Hinata whispers "Is it okay to stay here? Do you want me to leave?" Akaashi shakes his head no. Hinata realizing he asked two different questions with opposite requests he didn't know which one akaashi was saying no to. Akaashi slides down the wall then pats the space next to him. "Oh!” Shoyo walks over and sits next to him. Hinata breaks the moment of silence. "What's wrong? I've never seen you-"

"Dont wanna talk"

Hinata bites the inside of his lips. "Do you mind if I talk?" Akaashi hums. "Well. I’m having trouble in math. I've had tutors in the past but it doesn't seem to help. I dont get when you're supposed to go wapoosh to the exponent or womp the equation. And why does it always equal zero? It doesn't make sense." Hinata looks to Akaashi to check up on him and is surprised to see his eyes met with the cold green/blue stare. "I also don't get video games. I have this friend I play with online that's SUPER good and knows all these combos and stats. It's all too much and confusing to me so I just listen to what he suggests I do." 

Akaashis eyes are watery again. "I don't know what to do." Akaashi’s whispers are shaking. 

Shoyo mulls over this for a moment. He then states directly into Akaashi’s glassy eyes and simply says, "Do what'll make you happy," and offers a blinding smile. 

Akaashi’s jaw slacks open a little bit, stunned at the simplicity of it all. He wasn't happy being with his boyfriend. He was always afraid and hurt. He made him do things he didn't want to do and then broke his promise showing people those videos. He doesn't have to be afraid of people seeing him in his most vulnerable state anymore because people  _ already saw it _ . It didn't matter anymore. His boyfriend can't hold that over Akaashi anymore. Akaashi launches over Shoyo hugging him, releasing a breath he didn't know he was holding and cried. Shoyo eagerly returned the hug. "Thank you. You're so right. You're a genius! Thank you thank you thank you!" Hinata said nothing but sat there rubbing Akaashi’s back as he sobbed. 

They left the bathroom together and Akaashi reached down a hand to Yui who was sitting against the wall biting her nails. She took his hand and stood quickly wrapping him in a hug. "Thank you," he whispered into her neck. She pulled back and smiled. 

"Man," she pushed his chest lightly, "you can't do that. It makes me wish you were straight!" Her face slightly flush, Akaashi quick to join her in awkward laughter. 

"Thank you both. Really. I don’t know what would've become of me if you weren't sitting out here long enough to get him into the bathroom. And you for giving me the best advice" 

"Eh? Shoyou giving good advice? Did it have to do with volleyball or something?!" 

"I’m useful off the court too ya know!" Shoyo jumps up in a starfish pose to emphasize his point. They all giggled. He turned to Akaashi and put a hand on his shoulder."It's what friends do. You don't need to be so formal about it all," flashing his signature smile. 

Akaashi's face falls and he freezes. "Friends?" 

He never thought he had friends. The only friends he had were his boyfriend’s friends. Without Kentaro he has no friends. They don't want to hang out with him. They only do so because he's his boyfriend’s boyfriend. 

"Ouch Akaashi. Kinda hurting my pride here." Yui said. 

Shit did he say that out loud?

"Of course we're friends Akaashi! We all have classes together and you're so cool!" His hands pumping the air. 

Akaashi smiled. "Sorry. I'd like to be your friend. I just never thought I had any of my own," forcing his gaze to the floor. He didn't want to see their reactions in case they were of disgust. 

Instead, he felt arms around him and warm bodies pressed to both his sides. His bottom lip started trembling as the bell ran releasing students from their classrooms, dismissing them for the weekend. Akaashi took a deep breath to steady himself before speaking. 

"I'm gonna break up with him." 

  
  


Akaashi found himself sitting in his boyfriend's bed full of fear just like every other time. He used to fear upsetting him and sending him into a rage, but today he feared how he was going to tell him he was done with their relationship. Kentaro tilted Akaashi’s chin up and slotted his lips into his quickly biting down on Akaashi’s lip. Akaashi pulled back holding his boyfriend an arms length away by his shoulders. 

"What do you think you're doing?" Kentaro sneered. 

"I don't want to kiss you." His eyes wide. Afraid. He held his breath.  _ Why can't I breathe? Breathe dammit. What's going on. Why can't I breathe? _ His boyfriends eyes widened for a moment before they fit back into his familiar scowl. 

"It doesn't matter what you want Keiji. You're supposed to be pleasing me and what I want. Don't you remember Keiji? You're lucky to have me. You'd have nothing if you didn't have me." He karate chopped at Akaashi’s elbows allowing them to fold in and he resumed where he left off. Akaashi kicked his legs under his boyfriend as he tried pushing him off again, trying to evade the kiss by shaking his head back and forth. Kentaro moved his hand from Akaashi’s chin to his throat as he slid his index and middle finger along his jaw with slight pressure. "My, my, your heart rate is racing. You're quite eager today aren't you. You've missed me." Akaashi spit in his face eliciting a growl from his boyfriend. "You mother fucker!"

Akaashi saw black spots dance as his head quickly snapped to the right. His resolve weakened. His eyes blew wide. Pupils dilated. Breaths quickly become pants.

_ Run _ . 

###

Akaashi clawed at the side of the bed slinking out from under his boyfriend when he felt two hands on his side before he crashed into the floor hitting his head on the corner of the desk. Akaashi is disoriented, but still scurries to get to his feet. He was disrupted by a hand grappling his ankle. He kicked with his other foot trying to loosen the grip. Tears form at the corners of his eyes and his throat feels like fire. He was flipped over to encounter his boyfriend who’s face rivaled the Joker’s - a smile ripping across his face. 

"You started this fight Keiji. So now, I can finally let loose. I won't hold back" 

He started by using his belt to tie Akaashi’s hands to the leg of his bed. Then lit a cigarette that he kept in his desk drawer. Akaashi started to kick as Kentaro raised his shirt and began indiscriminately lowering the lit cigarette onto his body. Akaashi screamed in anguish and pain while his boyfriend smiled silently. He shimmied Akaashi’s pants down disregarding Akaashi’s protests and placed it on his shaft. "So you'll never forget me," he heard. He closed his eyes wishing for it to all end, dissociating to not remember. He felt the warmth of a mouth on his chest move down to his stomach to his legs. He was marking Akaashi even if they'd only be temporary hickeys. He was surprised to feel the weight leave his body and he finally opened his eyes, only to find his boyfriend taking pictures of him as he laid tied to the bed leg on the floor, his shirt bunched up and his pants pulled to his knees,, covered in burns and love bites. "Don't move." His face turned serious. Then he turned and left his room. 

Akaashi knew this was his chance to run. He easily deduced that he could lift the beds corner enough with his shoulder to release the belt from the post.  _ But he'll come get me again. I can't escape. I'd run into him as I left. The window is too scary to jump - it’s so high. It doesn't even matter. This is my fault. I let him do these things to me. I let him get comfortable abusing me. It's my fault I shouldn't have tried to stop him from kissing me before. Or spit on him. I’m so dumb I’m so dumb.  _

His thoughts were interrupted by the door opening. He recognized the two items he now held in his hands: his dad's tater and nightstick. Fuck, why did he have to be a security guard. 

"Turn around". Akaashi did so. "Now why couldn't you have just listened to me before?" He felt a whack to his ribs. "We could have been so happy right now." He felt a whack to his other side. "You could have been feeling me in you." He lowered himself atop Akaashi’s back, leaning heavily into his body. "But you had to ruin that didnt you?" He whispered into the shell of his ear close enough to feel the breath before his body writhed from the electricity being shot into him. "That felt kind of nice.” He could hear the ugly smile Kentaro likely wore. “The way your body squirmed under me. Can we try that again?" After a moment of silence he felt a whack on his arm. "I believe I asked you a question Keiji". Akaashi found the use of his name repulsive.

He weakly replied "Yes."

Another whack. "Yes what?"

"Yes..m..master" 

Not a second later and his body filled with electricity again. He could hear his boyfriend moan above him. Akaashi felt nauseous. "I wanna see your face when I do this." And he stood again to allow Akaashi to turn again, however Akaashi was too weak now to turn by himself. 

"I.. n-need your h-he-help." 

"You always do, Keiji," moving to turn Akaashi onto his back before straddling him and brandishing the taser, allowing the sound fill the room before laying back down his face merely centimeters from Akaashi’s before pressing the taser into the crook of Akaashi’s neck. "I wish I could do this all day but i'm not going to let  _ you _ be the reason I don't get to college. I don’t need some faggot getting permanent damage and sueing me. Not like you could win-against the lawyers my parents would hire,  _ and _ nobody would believe you. You'd have no case." He undid the belt from the bed leg and stood up. Akaashi didn't move. "Oi!" He nudged Akaashi with his foot. "Get up".

Akaashi rolls to his hands and knees before leaning onto the bed to stand straight until a whack falls on his hip making him stumble a little. 

"Alright that's the end of it," he said through a chuckle. "Leave my house and never come crawling back. I don’t want you anymore. You're disgusting. You’re dumb. You're a blemish to the world. I'm sure your parents regret having you every day.” Kentaro shrugs. “But that's not my problem anymore. You're not my problem anymore Keiji. Don't even look my way at school. We are done." 

###

Akaashi arrives at school Monday morning broken down. He spent all weekend reassuring his parents that his black eye and forehead cut was from a fight with his boyfriend but it's okay because they were broken up now. He opted not to tell them about the marks littering his chest and had to hide the sting on his face when they would hug him too tight. But it was going to be okay because he had two friends on his side. He sees a familiar tuft of orange hair and walks a little faster to get to him, a smile starting to lift on his face. He freezes when he sees him turn around white as a ghost. Akaashi approaches Shoyo with a more pensive look on his face. "Hey are you alright? You look pale?" 

"I told you to do what made you happy, but you shouldn't hurt the people close to you." His voice low and full of anger. 

"What are you talking about?" 

"Kentaro is crying because of what you did. Why wasn't he enough?" 

His mouth ran dry.  _ What's going on. Why was HE the one crying.  _ If anyone it should be Akaashi _. Why wasn't HE enough? More like why wasn't I Enough? He always said I should feel lucky to have him and I did. Why? Why is Shoyo mad with me? _

"Im sorry Akaashi. I don't know if I can be friends with a cheater."

"A cheater?" 

Shoyo’s eyebrows furrow together. "I thought you'd at least take responsibility instead of pretending you're innocent. I thought you were an honest person." 

_ What's happening? He thinks I cheated on my boyfriend? I am an honest person. Why doesn't Shoyo believe me? _

Akaashi stumbles backwards in disbelief, colliding with another person. They felt like a brick wall. Akaashi turns and is met with one of his boyfriend's best friends. A linebacker of the football team. 

"Guess you are just a dirty slut. My best friend wasn't enough for ya? You had to get someone in another school so he wouldn't find out? Fucking hell man. You thought you had it all worked out didn’t ya? Too bad my boy found you frolicking with him last week. You don't deserve my best friend. I'm glad that other guy gave you that shiner." 

_ This is all fake. He's spreading lies. _ "That isn't true. None of thats true." He turns around to Shoyo. "Is that what you heard? He caught me cheating and my fake second boyfriend gave me my black eye? No way that's true. Kentaro gave me this black eye-"

"Hey" a girl’s voice rang in his head as he whipped his head to face Yui. "I’m glad you're gay. Now that I know you're not faithful it's even easier giving up my crush on you." 

_ No not her too. _ His head darting left and right taking turns facing Shoyo and Yui so fast he could be giving himself whiplash. "No. No no no no it's not true. I was so dependent on him how could I cheat on him. He was everything to me. He's spreading lies. He's making me the bad person instead of just sending everyone the videos. The videos like the ones he showed you Yui. He. He-" His adrenaline catching up to him now forming tears down his face. 

"He deserved better than you, cheater." She spoke with venom. 

Akaashi backed up into the wall and curled his head between his knees, his hands grasping at his deep black curls tugging, shaking. He bit his lip to stop a sob when he heard familiar looming footsteps approach. He heard a theatrical spit as wetness fell on his head and between his fingers. "C'mon guys" his now ex boyfriend commanded. "He's not worth a single second more of my time." 

"You're lucky he's letting you off with just spit" the boyfriends best friend warned and four pairs walked away. 

Why didn't they believe him? They said they were his friends. They told him to do what made him happy and Kentaro made him unhappy. They helped him resolve to break up with him. Why did they side with him? 

A light bulb goes off in Akaashi’s head. It was all a calculated plan by his boyfriend.  _ He wanted to get rid of me and not look bad. He never showed anyone the video outside of Yui. Yui told Shoyo to check on me. It was all a plan. They never meant it when they said they were my friend.  _

_ I'm never trusting anyone again _

[flashback over]

Silence hung in the air. Akaashi shakes, he hates remembering that week. Bokuto had moved from petting Akaashi’s head to rubbing up and down Akaashi’s torso hoping that Akaashi would be able to relax more if he covered more surface area. Akaashi rubs his eyes with his fingers.

“Well, that’s my story. My big secret.” Akaashi finishes. Akaashi doesn’t know if he is eager for Bokuto’s response or if he just wants to disappear instead.

“I’m so sorry you went through all of that Akaashi.” Akaashi doesn’t respond. “It explains a lot of things too, like why Daichi’s taser upset you, and why you don’t like to go by your first name. And, well, also why you don’t trust people and stuff.” Bokuto’s mood turns sour. “Even when you thought you could trust he’d send out those videos he had of you, something you prepared mentally for, he didn’t even pull through for you and spread a dirty rumor. What a bastard. Coward.” 

_ Is Bokuto mad on my behalf? _

Bokuto brushes Akaashi’s hair out of his face, a gentle gesture. “You must have felt so lonely.” Akaashi’s face starts trembling and he quickly covers it with his hands. “Come here,” Bokuto coaxes. Akaashi turns and buries his face into Bokuto’s stomach and weeps. Bokuto shhs him and rubs his back. “It’s okay, you’re not alone anymore. I’m right here. And you have Oikawa too. If Daichi could he would arrest that guy in a heartbeat, and Suga would somehow track him down just so he could beat him up.” 

Akaashi giggles through his tears.  _ That’s probably true. _

“And don’t forget Noya. He may be small, but his unpredictability is what shines when he gets in a fight. Iwaizumi, forget about it. I know Oikawa doesn’t shut up about his arms, but his arms are for a lot more than ogling.”

“Oikawa could probably get him to cry without lifting a finger.” Akaashi adds.

“Yeah!” Bokuto encourages. “He doesn’t stand a chance. Not with all of us around you.” Bokuto beams his signature bright smile, another Akaashi can’t see it with his face still against Bokuto. Bokuto’s face relaxes into a soft smile. “Thank you for telling me and trusting me. I won’t let you down.”

Akaashi peaks up at Bokuto, who is looking back at Akaashi, and he quickly ducks his face back.

“I’m not offended if you want to see if I’m lying Akaashi. I wouldn’t be upset. Do you want me to say it again to your face?” Bokuto asks.

Akaashi’s neck turns pink. “I wasn’t looking to see if you were telling the truth.”  _ I just wanted to see your face. _

“Huh? Then why d-” Bokuto erupts into laughter. Akaashi distracted Bokuto from finishing his question by tickling his sides. “Stop it! Stop i-” Bokuto cries out struggling to get his breath. 

Akaashi is on his knees ticking Bokuto from above, not letting a detail go to waste. He watches the happy tears form at the outside corners of Bokuto’s shut eyes. He listens to how high Bokuto’s laugh gets, so much different than the usual deep, hearty laugh Bokuto has. He feels how solid Bokuto’s abs are and how soft the crook of his neck is. Akaashi notices how high Bokuto’s shirt has risen from squirming on the bed and quickly becomes shy at the sight of the strong v shape by his hips. Akaashi must have lightened up on his tickles because Bokuto caught his wrists and pushed them above Akaashi’s head and pushed him onto the bed. 

Bokuto moves both of Akaashi’s wrists into one hand and starts ticking Akaashi’s neck first. Akaashi instinctively crushed Bokuto’s hand between his jaw and shoulder which prompted Bokuto to move to the other side of Akaashi’s neck to repeat the process. Bokuto moves to tickle Akaashi’s sides. Bokuto listens to the melodic laughter Akaashi makes. He sees an unobstructed smile stretched across Akaashi’s face with deep smile lines he’s never seen before. Unlike Bokuto, Akaashi doesn’t cry for Bokuto to stop, just jerking his body similar to how Bokuto was moments ago. Bokuto brushes Akaashi’s skin and sees his shirt has raised exposing two red dots against otherwise pale skin. Bokuto pulls Akaashi’s shirt down and releases his hold on Akaashi’s wrists. 

“Hey Akaashi?” Akaashi lifts his head to look at Bokuto. “Can I ask you a question?”

Akaashi sits up and pulls his feet in with the soles pressed together. “Sure.”

Bokuto looks at Akaashi’s clothed torso. “Do they hurt?” Akaashi tilts his head. “The scars on your stomach. Do they hurt?”

Akaashi blinks a few times, a little stunned at the question. “No. I don’t like them, I wish they weren’t there, but they don’t hurt.”

“Oh. Okay. That’s good.”

Akaashi karate chops the top of Bokuto’s head with no real force. “Negativity begone!” He shouts. Bokuto looks up with a smile. “I learned that from Suga.” They both chuckle a little bit and both of their small giggles grow into unabashed laughter clutching their stomachs and falling to their side rolling on the bed. 

“Let’s watch Kenma’s latest stream.” Akaashi suggests after coming back to their senses.

“Ooo can we order insomnia cookies too?!” Bokuto asks for permission. Akaashi nods and Bokuto cheers, pulling out his phone to order delivery.

Akaashi and Bokuto end up falling asleep on the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fight Summary:  
> The fight starts with Kentaro punching Akaashi. Akaashi tries to get off the bed but hits his head on a desk. Kentaro ties Akaashi to the bed and uses a cigarette to make burn marks on Akaashi's torso and took pictures. He then leaves the room and comes back with a nightstick and taser from his dad's room and uses them on Akaashi. He then lets Akaashi leave saying that he won't permanently injure Akaashi because he wants to go to college.


	15. Negativity Begone!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some fluff for the soul <3

Akaashi regrets accepting Bokuto’s invitation to join him on his morning run. Sweat was starting to sting his eyes and his legs felt like noodles. In contrast, Bokuto held his chest up maintaining perfect form. His breaths came in time with the pace he set unlike Akaashi’s unrhythmic pants. Bokuto looks over his shoulder and sees Akaashi struggling to keep up. He slows his pace and falls in line with Akaashi. 

“You doing okay? We can walk or find a bench?” 

Akaashi nods and slows down until his steps stop bouncing and he is at a slow walking pace. He throws his head back and places his hands on his hips. He gulps air and his chest heaves. He feels a cold tap to his shoulder and sees Bokuto is offering him water. “Thanks,” he barely manages to whisper and begins sipping it, knowing that gulping the water would only make him feel sick.

“You did really good, I didn’t think we’d get this far.” Bokuto admits. “You ran a mile and a half before getting tired.” 

Akaashi leans his back side on the railing for support and a breeze feels nice and cool against his skin. “You’re a monster. How do you do this every day?”

“I’ve always had too much energy, plus it gets easier when you run all the time.” Bokuto speaks easily. He leans his elbows on the railing and faces the water. “It’s even easier when you get a view like this.”

Akaashi looks at Bokuto whose eyes glow like the sun. “Yeah.” Akaashi agrees with a soft smile. Akaashi moves to be in the same position as Bokuto. “Hey Bokuto?”

“Mhmm?”

“Thanks for insisting on hanging out with me when we first met.” Bokuto turns his head to face Akaashi and Akaashi turns to face Bokuto. “You’ve shown me so much since then, including here. You’ve always been there for me and you’ve helped me so much. I couldn’t have done any of it without you.”

Bokuto is speechless, only staring at the way Akaashi’s eyes shine in the morning sun. He could see that what Akaashi was saying was true, and more importantly, easy to say. Bokuto clears his throat and blinks to regain his composure. “I’ll always be there for you.” Bokuto starts softly then switches to a more stern tone. “But don’t forget about all the things you’ve done either. It’s easy to overlook yourself, but you couldn’t do it without you either.” Akaashi gives him a confused look. “You are the one pushing to change yourself. I didn’t ask you to be more open with me,  _ you _ decided that and asked for my help. Ya know, a lot of people can’t ask for help. Their pride would be hurt or they’re too embarrassed to ask. But you did. You also researched and found methods that help people build trust. And only you can achieve your goals by working at them all the time, something I can’t make you do.” Bokuto gives a firm punch to Akaashi’s arm to make his next point. “So don’t go forgetting about yourself.”

Akaashi isn’t surprised at Bokuto’s wisdom. Bokuto was always good with words and encouraging him. “You’re right. I am forgetting about myself.” Akaashi smiles. “I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished.”

“I’m proud of you too.” Bokuto says, nudging Akaashi’s shoulder. “Let’s keep walking, otherwise you’ll run late for work, and you should shower.”

“I don’t know, I don’t think my legs can carry me any further.” Akaashi puts on the dramatics. “You’ve run me to the ground to the point of exhaustion. I might need to be brought home on a gurney.”

“Alright get on,” Bokuto rolls his eyes and squats offering Akaashi a piggy back ride.

Akaashi gets flustered. “I was just joking-”

“Too late. Hop on.” Bokuto instructs looking over his shoulder with a big bright smile, one Akaashi can’t seem to say no to. Akaashi shyly gets on Bokuto’s back and wraps his arms around Bokuto’s neck while Bokuto’s strong arms wrap around his legs. “All aboard!” Bokuto calls before jogging his way back to Akaashi’s apartment. Akaashi giggles with the joy of a child into Bokuto’s ear.

…

Akaashi and Oikawa were setting up rows of small colorful chairs in an open area of the library. “It’s no fair you get to be with the kids while I have to manage the rest of the library.” Oikawa pouts.

“You’d be too distracted gossiping with Suga to read the books to the children.” Akaashi states.

“Rude!” Oikawa scolds. “I love children and children love me. No way I’d talk to Suga instead of them!”

“Yeah, your nephew really loves the way you make him take pictures of you.” Akaashi rolls his eyes sarcastically. “Is the book display set up yet?”

“Almost. Can you grab a couple more books?” Oikawa answers.

They finish setting up and wait by the front door for Suga and his class. Minutes later he can hear children’s giggles as a signature silver cowlick walks through the doors. “Remember everyone, libraries are quiet spaces. We have to be silent like ninjas. Can everybody show me the ninja pose?” Countless children raise their hands above their heads and lift one leg bent in front of them. “Good job everyone!” Suga praises then presses his pointer finger to his lips reminding them again to keep their voices down. Suga walks the class over to Akaashi and shakes his hand. “Okay class.” He turns around again. “This is Mr. Akaashi. He’s a librarian here. Can you all say hello to our new friend?”

“Hi mister Akaashiiiiiiii” the class sings. Suga lifts a finger to his mouth again and the class repeats “Hi mister Akaashi” in a whisper.

Akaashi smiles widely at the joyus class. “Hello everyone, Mr. Sugawara. Allow me to walk you to the reading area. Follow me.” Akaashi turns to bring them to the back of the library.

“They’re all so cute!” Oikawa squeals to Suga.

“I know aren’t they?” Suga coos back. “The end of the year can make them all go crazy though.” 

Oikawa walks with Suga. “How do you get them all to listen to you so well?”

“You make it fun and exciting.” Suga answers. “You act out when you’re bored. I make it fun for them, which makes it fun for me. And easy for me too.”

“Awww such a good teacher,” Oikawa teases. “I wish I could see you in action but I gotta stay up front.” He says with a pout and returns. When he gets back to the front he sees Bokuto and Noya at the register. “Well well, how can I help you two? No nevermind, let me guess.” Oikawa turns to Noya. “Yours is on break in the back room right now but he should be back out in ten minutes or so,” he then turns to Bokuto, “Yours just brought about twenty five first graders to the children’s section to read to them.” Bokuto and Noya stood still blinking at Oikawa. “How’d I do? Need anything else?” They both shake their heads no. Oikawa shines his nails on his shoulder and sighs, “I’m too good,” with a satisfied smile.

Bokuto walks back to where Oikawa had mentioned and sees Akaashi sitting in front of a bunch of children holding up two books. “Let’s take a vote on what we’ll read today. Raise your hand if you want to read ‘Green Eggs and Ham’.” Akaashi counts the hands raised. “Okay, you can put your hands down. Now raise your hand if you want to read ‘No David’.” Significantly less hands raised. “Okay, you can put your hands down. Green Eggs and Ham wins.” 

Akaashi opens the book above his shoulder facing the children and cranes his neck to begin reading. “I am Sam. Sam I am.That Sam I am, that Sam I am. I do not like that Sam I am. Do you like green eggs and ham? I do not like them Sam I am I do not like green eggs and ham.” 

Bokuto stands outside of the set area for the children. He doesn’t want to intrude, he just wants to watch Akaashi share his passion of reading with Suga’s class. Akaashi was telling Bokuto how excited and nervous he was, but he looks so confident right now. Akaashi had invited the children to say “green eggs and ham” whenever the phrase reappeared. It made reading more fun and immersive for the kids and Suga smiled warmly at his class. Bokuto could tell Akaashi was enjoying himself too because he would giggle after the call outs as he’d turn a page. 

Akaashi finishes the book and the class claps. Bokuto claps too. “How did everyone like that story?” Suga surveys the class. They all cheer. “How about we say thank you to Mr. Akaashi for reading it for us?”

“Thank youuuuu” the kids say in unison, heavily practiced.

Suga begins a quick reflection pop quiz with the class bringing a learning aspect to their field trip. “Alright. Everybody go find a book to read this summer. You may be in other classes next year but I expect you all to come say hi to me and tell me about the book you choose.”

“Yes mister Sugaaaa.”

Suga smiles brightly. “Alright. Everyone,” Suga crouches, “disperse!” he swings his arms out dismissing the class to find a book of their own. The kids make a dash for the display Akaashi and Oikawa put together that had selections from “Amelia Bedelia” and “The Magic Treehouse” and others of the sort. The kids were all surveying the different books they could choose from.

Akaashi walks over to the display and advises, “Don’t judge the book by it’s cover. If you want a better idea of what the book is about, many books have a short summary on the back. Don’t be afraid to ask me or Mr. Suga if you don’t know what a word means. As a librarian, I want to help you find the best book for you.” Akaashi sends them all a toothy smile. 

“Who knew you could be so personable with kids huh?” Suga said, walking up to Akaashi and elbowing his side.

Akaashi giggles. “I don’t get to be around children much, being an only child and having no nieces or nephews. I just treat them like I do everyone else I guess.”

“You certainly treat them much better than the way you treated me when we first met.” Suga teases. Akaashi’s face falls. “Ease up. It’s a good thing.” Suga bumps his shoulder into Akaashi’s. “I’ve noticed how you talk a lot more when we all hang out together. It’s nice.” Suga smiles. Akaashi’s face is still pale. Suga turns to his class with a grin. “Uh oh class! It looks like Mr. Akaashi needs some help cheering up. Can you help me cheer him up?”

“Yeeeeeees!” The class chants.

“Negativity-” Suga winds up.

“BEGONE!” His class yells, forgetting they were supposed to be ninjas in the library.

Suga chops into Akaashi’s side, making Akaashi double over, but raises with a smile as the class laughs. “Thank you everyone!” Akaashi waves to the class. He turns to Suga, and with a much softer tone, he whispers “Thanks.” Suga responds with a wink. 

“Has everyone found a book?” Suga surveys his students. Some are already reading their book, others are using the books as swords, and some are still picking up books, turning them over in their hands then putting them back down. Suga sing songs “Oh librarian!” to have Akaashi help him find a book for his remaining students. 

Once everyone had a book Suga had the kids make a single line.

“Now when you’ve found the books you want to borrow from the library, you have to check them out.” Akaashi instructs.

“Just like you do in the school library.” Suga interjects.

“Yes, just like you do at school.” Akaashi affirms. “To do that, you have to go to the checkout counter. Follow me so you can take your books home for the summer.” Akaashi leads the line out and that's when he spots spiked black and white hair. Bokuto flashes him a grand smile and puts two thumbs up. Akaashi sends him a small wave before turning away to hide the impossible blush lighting his face. Suga must have noticed because he also sent a wave in the same direction.

“So cute.” Suga says. 

Akaashi didn’t know what Suga was calling cute.  _ Was he calling Bokuto cute? Unlikely. Was he calling a blushing me cute? Plausible. Was he saying Bokuto coming and cheering me on cute? Also possible, but Suga likely misinterprets our friendship for something more.  _ Before he could think further he reaches the front where Oikawa is waiting. “This is Mr. Oikawa. He’s going to help you all check your books out so you can take them home.”

They work in tandem teaching the kids where to write their names and give them cards to remind them to return the books. Having both of them check out books made the line go fast. They were worried about the kids being bored on the line waiting, but it didn’t seem to be a problem. 

With a book in their hand and a loud “thank you” Suga and his class leave to return to school.

“Is his class still here?” Asahi walks out of the cafe with a tray of fresh cookies.

“You just missed them.” Oikawa responds.

Asahi’s eyes start to water. “I made these cookies for his class.”

“It’s okay Asahi. It’s probably for the best,” Noya walks up and pats his boyfriend’s shoulder. “You would have scared them anyway and then you’d be really upset.”

Oikawa takes a cookie and starts eating it. Everyone just gives him a look. “What?” He gets defensive. “I’m not gonna let them go to waste.” Everyone shrugs and takes some.

Akaashi walks to the back with two cookies. He finds Bokuto reading books from the display that weren’t taken. He looked so funny being so big surrounded by tiny chairs meant for children. “I didn’t know your reading level was so high Bokuto.” 

Bokuto’s head snaps out from the book. “Akaashi!” 

“Shhh, this is a library.” Akaashi reprimands. “You can have this cookie if you behave.” He holds one of the cookies out. 

Bokuto zips his mouth, locks it, and throws away the key and bounds over to Akaashi. To Akaashi’s surprise, Bokuto picks him up and spins him around. He puts him down and then takes a bite out of one of the cookies. “You were awesome Akaashi!”

Akaashi hands him the cookie and moves to sit in one of the childrens chairs. “Thank you. I was having a lot of fun.” He pauses. “I didn’t expect you to be here though.”

“I wouldn’t miss it!” Bokuto exclaims, earning him a glare to threaten his cookie. “Sorry, sorry, don’t take my cookie!” He whispers. “You were nervous so I thought I could serve as some moral support and surprise you, but you were doing so good. You looked so confident. I didn’t want to disrupt you.”

Akaashi sheepishly smiles then takes a bit of the cookie.

“I mean, it was so adorable when they all would shout ‘green eggs and ham’ with you. And then the whole class was picking books. I couldn’t hold in my laughter when Suga got his whole class to negativity begone you. I mean, they were all like BEGONE!” Akaashi shoots him another look for being too loud, so Bokuto shoves the remaining cookie into his mouth puffing up his cheeks and throws his hands up in surrender.

Akaashi bursts laughing clutching his stomach. When Bokuto finishes chewing and Akaashi calms down from his laughing fit, Akaashi lays his head on Bokuto’s shoulder. “Thanks for coming. It means a lot.”

“Of course. Any time, anywhere. I’ll be there. You know that.” Bokuto reassures, breaking off a piece of Akaashi’s cookie for himself.

“Wanna hang out later? My shift ends at four.”

“Duh.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be the end. Thanks for reading :)


	16. Trustworthy : The Finale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! This is the last chapter. I hope you all enjoyed the story and the ending doesn't disappoint.

Akaashi wakes up in Bokuto’s bed in a cotton shirt and underwear. In the past months, Akaashi has grown so much more comfortable with Bokuto. They’ve developed a schedule for seeing each other, sort of. Akaashi would sleep at Bokuto’s apartment when he didn’t have work at the library the next day, and Bokuto would sleep at Akaashi’s apartment if he didn’t have work at the gym the next day. It didn’t matter if the other had work. They trusted each other with their space. There were still many nights where they didn’t sleep together, and Akaashi would cuddle the owl squishmallow he got from Bokuto on those nights. Today was a rare day where they both didn’t have work, so they stayed at Bokuto’s. 

Akaashi pulls on sweatpants and walks out to see Kuroo flipping eggs in a pan. Kenma was probably still sleeping, and Bokuto was likely the one using the shower. “Morning.”

“Morning.” Kuroo calls back without turning to him. “Want some eggs?”

“That sounds nice.” Akaashi hums.

“How would you like them cooked?”

“Scrambled please. With salt and pepper?”

“You got it.”

Akaashi moves to the cabinets to pull out the toaster and bread. “Toast?”

“Hmmmmmmmmm” Kuroo thinks long and hard, “Sure.” Akaashi moves beside Kuroo to grab a butter knife and Kuroo finally catches a glimpse of Akaashi. “Geez and they give  _ me _ shit for  _ my _ bedhead.” Akaashi reaches to his head and feels his hair move disjointedly. “What, did you have a  _ really good time last night _ ?” Kuroo leans over to purr into Akaashi’s ear.

This wakes Akaashi up fully and he pushes Kuroo away and his whole face turns red. “No!” Akaashi shouts. “We’re not like that.”  _ Though I want to be. _ Akaashi can’t believe his own thoughts anymore. He tries to shake them out of his head but they never seem to leave.

Kuroo rolls his eyes and returns to his eggs. Akaashi continues making toast trying not to think about Bokuto and what Kuroo was insinuating. It was then that the water from the shower cut off and Bokuto stepped out rubbing his wet hair with a short white towel and a blue towel tied around his waist. “Ooo whatcha guys making?” He walks over.

As if Akaashi’s face wasn’t red before. He holds up a hand to stop Bokuto from getting closer and turns his head the other way. “Don’t get too close, the oil could splash up onto you. And you should really dry yourself off better.” Akaashi scolds Bokuto, but he really could get used to seeing water drip down Bokuto’s muscular body after every shower. 

“But I wanna see what you guys are making!” Bokuto whines and pushes against Akaashi’s hand to see past the two.

Bokuto’s abs contacting his hands combined with the toaster popping causes Akaashi to jump and let out a squeak.  _ Why am I acting like an idiot. Bokuto usually sleeps without a shirt on anyway. Why is this such a big deal? No, this is not a big deal. _ Akaashi continues like nothing happened and Bokuto and Kuroo share a confused look. “Would you like toast Bokuto?” It’s a good thing Akaashi had practiced masking what he was currently feeling behind a stone-like exterior for so many years.

“Two please?”

“Eggs?” 

“Sunny side up?”

“Okay, now go get dressed. It’ll be done soon.” Akaashi instructs.

Bokuto obliges and walks into his room and shuts the door. Kuroo looks over to Akaashi with a sadistic smirk. Akaashi points the rounded butter knife in his hands at Kuroo and says, “Shut it.”

“We’re not like that.” Kuroo mocks Akaashi’s earlier words.

“We’re not!” Akaashi squeaks out an octave higher than normal.

…

Later that day Akaashi and Bokuto arrive at the cat cafe outside Times Square. They brought their old books, deciding to reread them and see how much their interpretations of the poems have changed.  _ It’s the date- I mean, hang out that we accidentally forgot about after my apartment was burglarized. _ They walk in and are seated in the back corner. Akaashi and Bokuto open their books and cats walk over to them. Akaashi reaches out a hand to invite the tabby cat to smell him, and pets it after it brushes its head on his hand. Bokuto on the other hand just lifts the brown and black spotted cat into his lap and begins petting it. Eventually, both of the cats are curled into their laps and are reading their books. 

Bokuto reads the poem “Give like the sun and the whole world grows.” At first he is reminded of a memory that makes him sad, but then he looks at the person across from him. He gave Akaashi everything he could, and he watched his whole world blossom right before him. He flooded Akaashi with sunlight and watched Akaashi use his tears to water the soil beneath him. He wipes proud tears out of his eyes as this poem reminds him of just how far Akaashi has come. 

_ Our lovers fascinate us-  _

_ we live in perpetual awe _

_ of the particular way they are. _

The first time Bokuto read this, he was definitely interested in Akaashi, but he didn’t know the things he knew now. He didn’t know how Akaashi made his decisions by imagining a list of options with possible outcomes. He didn’t know Akaashi didn’t like olives because they were bitter, but took his coffee black every morning. He didn’t know that Akaashi was just as excited to do fun things but needed a little encouragement to follow through. He saw Akaashi as a beautiful raven haired boy with captivating hooded eyes who was reserved and sophisticated. Now he knew so many intricacies of the man. Bokuto understands the feeling of this poem now. He feels it in his heart. 

_ The day I met you I began _

_ to forget a life without you _

Akaashi seems to be experiencing a similar phenomenon as Bokuto, because it seems like every poem is a new poem again. 

_ I’m careful about who  _

_ I spend my energy on _

  * _I know my worth_



Akaashi used to read this and think “ _ This is why I don’t spend energy on people. I’m not worth anything. Nobody wants me. _ ” But now he sees how it is supposed to have the opposite meaning. It’s why he doesn’t spend his energy on Kentaro and his words that had chained Akaashi’s thoughts for far too long. Now, he spends his energy on people who make him feel like he’s wanted around, people who care about him, people he wants to see happy and not because he’s afraid of how they’ll hurt him if they’re not.

_ You might not have been my first love _

_ but you were the first love that made _

_ all the other loves _

_ irrelevant  _

Akaashi pauses. There was once a point where he thought he loved Kentaro. Kentaro may have been his first love, but Bokuto’s love puts everything Akaashi mistook as love to shame. Bokuto makes Akaashi feel empowered. Bokuto tells Akaashi that nothing is impossible, just “really improbable”. He can rely on Bokuto for anything. Even when he was upset that Akaashi suspected him of being involved with the burglary he told him he was upset, but understood and then insisted on Akaashi staying with him longer and cleaned his apartment. He’s dependable. He makes Akaashi happy with such small things like pushing his glasses up when he notices them falling, turning the lights off before bed each time they’re together because Akaashi hates getting up again, or how he is always present next to Akaashi bumping their knees together and pressing his shoulder against Akaashi’s. Bokuto takes the lead and Akaashi is more than happy to follow. To him, Bokuto is a star. Bright like the sun, and shines for anyone who looks his way. 

“Akaashi!” Bokuto calls out to him.

“Yes?”

“You didn’t hear me?” Bokuto asks, tilting his head.

“No, I’m sorry. I guess I was lost in thought.”

“Are you getting hungry?”

Akaashi hadn’t noticed but the sun was beginning to set. “I guess it is almost time for dinner. I hadn’t noticed.”

“Wanna eat around here? There’s some cool themed places around here after all.” Bokuto suggests.

“You want to go to the stardust diner don’t you?” 

“Yes! They perform AND take your orders and stuff. They’re the coolest and they’re always having fun! Unlike so many other stiff restaurants. They put on dinner AND a show.” Bokuto begins his rant.

“You’re absolutely right Bokuto.” Akaashi smiles and stands up. At some point the cat in his lap must have left. He reaches out a hand to Bokuto to help him up. “Lead the way.”

…

Bokuto insisted on walking Akaashi to his door on their way back from their day out. Akaashi couldn’t stop thinking about how hot his face was when Bokuto walked around fresh out of the shower and leaned over Akaashi and how full of love he felt rereading his poetry book and reflecting on just how much Bokuto means to him. Unfortunately they both had work the next day, so they would be separated tonight. Akaashi steps into his apartment and Bokuto turns to go back to the stairs, but Akaashi turns around and grabs his attention by saying “One more thing.” Akaashi brings his hand to Bokuto’s cheek and plants a kiss on Bokuto’s other cheek. Akaashi pulls back with a pink dusting his face. “Good night Bokuto.” Just as quick as it happened, it ended and Akaashi had closed his door and smiled into his hands in disbelief. Bokuto stood in the hallways with his eyes blown wide for a few minutes before he slapped his face to test if this was real life. 

…

“I’m telling you, the beginning of the year is the time when you need to be the strictest because that’s when the kids are testing you. They want to know just how much they can get away with in your classroom, but I won’t budge. I’m strict at first, but by the end of the year they all love me and I’m the one they’re gonna remember fondly when they reflect on their childhood. They’re always confused on why so many students stop by my classroom to say hi.” Suga giggles at the many faces he has seen students make when someone stops to pay a visit. 

“No way, I want to see strict Suga!” Oikawa cheers.

“You have to do something naughty first to be punished.” Suga says in a sultry voice. 

“I think I’m capable of finding something naughty to do.” Oikawa plays into Suga’s game.

“Oi!” Iwaizumi smacks the back of Oikawa’s head. “Your boyfriend is over here.” 

“I love it when you say that.” Oikawa leans away from Suga and back into Iwaizumi’s shoulder. Iwaizumi lifts his face up and away from the crowd, but everyone knows he’s blushing.

Suga sighs and sips his wine. “It’s hard to flirt with Oikawa with Iwaizumi around.”

“Aren’t you dating Daichi?” Asahi asks.

“I am.” Suga says simply. This just further confuses Asahi.

“Don’t worry babe. Suga’s a natural flirt and Daichi knows it. Sometimes I think he actually encourages it.” Noya informs his boyfriend.

“Oikawa is just so much fun to flirt with. He always has the best comebacks. Makes it exciting.” Suga reminisces on the times before Oikawa and Iwaizumi became official just like a grandmother recalls her rebellious teenage years. 

“Oo, but you should try flirting with Akaashi. He’s so cute when he blushes.” Oikawa offers as a remedy for Suga. 

Kuroo walks into his living room where most are gathered. “You should’ve seen him. One day he saw Bokuto walk out from a shower and he was as red as a tomato. Oikawa’s right.”

“Don’t say things like that,” Kenma jabs him in the side. “It’s private and rude.” 

“Okay, but how are they not dating yet!” Suga cries out. “They obviously both want to be together.” 

“Asahi, does Akaashi talk about Bokuto at work?” Noya asks.

“No, not to me!” He lifts his hands to defend himself, obviously nervous. “I just make him coffee and sometimes a muffin.”

“He’s talked to me about Bokuto,” Oikawa offers, “but the details are confidential. Best friend secrets.” He sips his wine knowing the secrets he holds that others want to hear.

“Wrong, Bokuto is Akaashi’s best friend.” Kuroo interjects and sips his mixed drink.

“Okay, but when they start dating Bokuto will be his  _ boyfriend _ and I’ll be his  _ best friend _ .” Oikawa retorts. Iwaizumi rolls his eyes. 

“That’s fair.” Suga relents. “Does Bokuto talk to you about Akaashi?” 

“Oh my god when does he not.” Kuroo answers. 

“That’s true.” Kenma adds. “If Akaashi’s not here I walk around with headphones on so Bokuto won’t talk my ear off about Akaashi.”

Everyone laughs.

“So… What are they waiting for?” Noya asks.

There’s a pensive silence until Oikawa snaps his fingers. “I got it! If Suga flirts with Akaashi, not only will Suga get the entertainment of Akaashi blushing, but maybe Bokuto will get jealous and stuff and spark their relationship!”

“Oi!” Iwaizumi lands another smack to Oikawa’s head. “Stop meddling in others’ personal lives.”

“Mean! I’m not the only one here discussing others' personal lives. Why do I get hit?”

“Because their heads aren’t as smackable as yours.” Iwaizumi growls.

“That might just work.” Kuroo refocuses the group.

“Hey hey hey! We brought the pizza!” Bokuto bursts through the door with Akaashi close behind him. 

Everyone shares a look and then stands to get their share of food. Suga positions himself in Akaashi’s eye sight. He lets some of the grease from the pizza run into his hand and down his arm. He licks his tongue along the trail and makes eye contact with Akaashi. Akaashi’s face doesn’t waver as he reaches for a napkin and hands it to Suga. Suga clears his throat, recognizing his failed attempt. “Thanks.”

Later in the evening Suga takes a seat next to Akaashi and leans his head on Akaashi’s shoulder. He then picks up one of his hands with two of his own. “Your fingers are so long.” Suga points out.

“Yeah, they are.” Akaashi agrees. He’s been told this so many times in his life it has gotten boring.

“Makes you wonder what else is long…” Suga flickers his eyes before looking at Akaashi’s face for a reaction. Unfortunately for Suga, Akaashi’’s reaction is a raised eyebrow in confusion. Suga huffs and drops Akaashi’s hand and returns to his shoulder.

“Are you tired Suga? I’m sure you could rest in Bokuto’s room, or set up the spare futon in Kenma’s streaming room.

“No I’m fine.” Suga is frustrated that nothing is working until he realizes the perfect set up Akaashi has given him. “Unless of course,” Suga leans up to Akaashi’s face, “you’d like to join me in bed.”

Akaashi shakes his head. “I’m not tired yet, but that shouldn’t stop you if you’re tired.”

Suga rolls his eyes and throws his head backwards over the couch.

“Hey Akaashi, can you pass me my phone?” Bokuto asks.

“Sure.” He lifts Bokuto’s phone into his reach and their hands brush in the quick handoff.

Suga turns to Akaashi who’s cheeks grow pink. “You’re kidding!” He exclaims in frustration.

“Huh?” Akaashi asks, being pulled out from his head.

“You’re lying!” Suga repeats his sentiment. 

“I’m sorry, what’s wrong Suga?” Akaashi seems actually worried.

Suga ignores Akaashi and stomps over to Oikawa to rant. Akaashi’s eyes follow him and he sees Oikawa throw his head back in laughter while Suga’s arms are crossed over his chest.

“Ignore them.” Asahi takes the seat Suga vacated. “Drink?” Asahi offers a glass of orange liquid that Akaashi assumes has alcohol in it.

“Sure thanks.” They both sip their drinks. They watch Bokuto, Kuroo, and Noya shouting to each other about how they’d fight a bear. Oikawa is sitting on Iwaizumi’s lap and he talks with Suga. They watch Kenma retreat to his streaming room after Oikawa tries braiding his hair for him. Asahi and Akaashi enjoy their fair share of people watching. 

“Akaashi! Akaashi!” Bokuto runs up to him frantically.

“What is it Bokuto?”

“I need you to come with me.” He reaches out his hand and grabs Akaashi’s. He pulls Akaashi over to Kuroo and Noya.

“What’s going on?” Akaashi asks the three of them.

“They don’t think I could pick you up.” Noya shouts. “I’m small, not weak!”

“We were going to get Asahi but then we agreed that not even Kuroo could lift that man.” Bokuto explains.

“Fair enough.” Akaashi agrees.

“You’ll let Noya try to lift you?” Kuroo asks.

“Yeah. How else would you know if Noya could lift me?” Akaashi says simply.

“Damn, you’re hanging with Bokuto way too much. You’re starting to sound like him.” Kuroo says. Akaashi’s face heats up.

Akaashi isn’t sure if he heard this or if he imagined it, but he swears he heard Suga shout “HOW!” from across the room.

“Here I go!” Noya announces and wraps his arms around Akaashi’s thighs and lifts him off his feet. “See? I told ya I could do it.” He returns Akaashi to the floor safely. 

“Akaashi!” Oikawa calls. “Come here for a sec!”

“Can’t leave him waiting.” Akaashi shrugs to the group and goes to see what Oikawa wants.

“Come here, I want to tell you something.” He waves for him to get close for a whisper. Akaashi has an eyebrow raised, but complies nonetheless. In Akaashi’s ear, he whispers, “Don’t you think Bokuto would look good with his hair down instead?” Akaashi’s face starts heating up. “I mean, it would be such a nice contrast to his hard, muscular body, right?” Akaashi lifts his hand to cover half his face. “What do you think?” Akaashi stands up straight again and can only manage to nod his head yes. “WAIT! Have you seen it down?” Oikawa asks instead. Akaashi shuts his eyes in embarrassment and nods yes again. “No way! Bokuto!” Oikawa starts to get up and call out to Bokuto. Akaashi grabs Oikawa’s arm in a panic.

“No!” Akaashi shouts. Then softer he mumbles, “That’s just for me.”

Oikawa releases a high pitched squeal and pinches Akaashi’s cheeks. “You are absolutely adorable.” 

“Shut up.” Akaashi grumbles.

“See Suga? You were using all the wrong tactics.”

“How did you get him to blush like that?” Suga rushes to them leaving Iwaizumi by himself.

“All you have to do is talk about Bokuto.” Oikawa smiles. 

“Huh?” Akaashi reacts to the name.

“I would be offended, but that is just too damn wholesome.” Suga relents.

“What are you talking about? What happened?” Akaashi asks the two.

“I’ve been trying to get you to blush all night and all it took was mentioning Bokuto?” Suga points his glass of wine into Akaashi’s chest to emphasize his frustration. What he didn’t expect was for his wine to spill over the top and latch to Akaashi’s shirt. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.” Suga searches for napkins.

“It’s okay Suga. Calm down.” Akaashi reassures. “I’ll just borrow one of Bokuto’s shirts.” Akaashi leaves them and asks while he passes Bokuto on his way to his room. Bokuto of course said yes and Akaashi went to find a shirt. He chooses a light blue shirt with the gym’s logo on it. It’s obviously too big for Akaashi, but thats how he likes his comfy shirts. He’ll be going to bed soon anyway. He walks to the bathroom and begins cleaning his shirt, then hangs it on the balcony to dry. The air is chilly with the beginning of Autumn, his favorite season. He takes a moment to take in the weather. This time last year, he was so lonely. He didn’t know that in just a few weeks he’d meet the people who would change his life. He smiles at the city landscape, then returns to the apartment.

“Where’d everyone go?” Akaashi asked Kuroo who laid out on the couch.

“Home.” Kuroo said flatly.

“Why didn’t anyone say bye to me?” Akaashi felt sad. Did they not say bye because they forgot about him? Because he was that unimportant to them?

“Asahi tried to but Suga and Oikawa yelled at everyone to not interrupt your ‘main character moment’, whatever that means.”

Akaashi feels relief wash over him. He laughs at the image he’s created of Suga and Oikawa guarding the door like basketball players on defense. Akaashi starts cleaning up the apartment so that there’s only dishes to do tomorrow and walking the trash bags to the dumpster. When he’s done he walks into Bokuto’s room ready for bed.

“MmmKaashi.” Bokuto groans from the bed, hair sticking every which way indicating it was no longer styled. “Took you long enough.”

“You’ll thank me in the morning.” Akaashi sits on the foot of the bed across from Bokuto. He looks at the glass painting that has remained on Bokuto’s window since January. Akaashi finds himself having the same conversation with himself reflecting on this past year with Bokuto, with himself, and all the people that are now around him.

Bokuto watches the moonlight illuminate Akaashi’s shape: every curl, eyelash, curve of the lips, slope of his nose, even the strong line that runs down his neck from his head being turned to the side. The green and blue from the window color Akaashi with cool tones making him look so serene. Akaashi’s hooded eyes are focused on something happy. Bokuto can tell from the way Akaashi’s eyes are completely relaxed. Bokuto watches the corner of Akaashi’s lips tweak upwards periodically. Bokuto notices the collarbone peeking out from his shirt on Akaashi. The way it protrudes makes Bokuto want to kiss it, mark it as his own, but Bokuto pauses thinking “ _ Akaashi doesn’t belong to me. Even if we were dating and I could kiss him, he still wouldn’t belong to me. Akaashi is his own person, he belongs to no one. Even knowing all of this, I still want to have him all to myself. _ ” Bokuto brings up his arm to rest over his eyes. Akaashi was just too tempting, he had to get a grip of himself. 

“Akaashi? Can I be painfully honest with you?” Bokuto rasps out.

“Sure. Is everything okay Bokuto?” Akaashi asks with concern.

“I really want to kiss you. Like a lot.” Bokuto braces himself, knowing he was coming on too hard to Akaashi.

“Uhm, if it’s okay, I would like that.” Akaashi twists his fingers in his lap.

Bokuto lifts his arm from his face, Golden eyes wide, and sits up. “What- what did you just say?”

“I- uhm, would like it, if you were to kiss me, if that’s okay?” Akaashi met Bokuto’s surprised eyes and his breath was taken away by the beauty.

Bokuto uses both hands to pull Akaashi’s face to his and slowly kisses Akaashi. Akaashi responds by placing his hands on Bokuto’s face as well. Bokuto slowly lowers them both down onto the bed, Akaashi on top of him, not once breaking away from the kiss. They let their hands wander up and down their sides, in their hair, up their shirts. Akaashi is the one to lick Bokuto’s lip for permission to deepen the kiss and Bokuto quickly allows for it. The two of them kiss like they have all the time in the world together. Just like Bokuto imagined, he sucks on Akaashi’s collar bone leaving a purplish red mark. Bokuto elicits moans that he never thought he’d hear come from Akaashi’s mouth and he peppers kisses up his neck returning to Akaashi’s mouth. Akaashi channels all of the feelings he has for Bokuto into his kisses hoping it would reach him. Akaashi tends to struggle for words, but he finds comfort in the physical touches he shares with Bokuto. They both feel something special when they fall asleep holding hands.

…

A few weeks pass and Bokuto and Akaashi are having a walk in Central Park. “It’s funny how the same time and place feels so different a year apart.” Bokuto says. 

“What do you mean?” Akaashi twists his head.

“I mean, this time last year, October, in this place, the park feels so different to me than it did a year ago.” Bokuto explains.

“I guess I know what you mean.” Akaashi ponders. “Like that river. Last year it was just a pretty place to me, but now it is the place you set up a grand picnic for me. I’d never had someone put so much thought into a hang out for me.” Akaashi says awkwardly, trying not to let the word date slip out of his mouth, and also not dwell on the memory of him walking away from Bokuto after yelling. Bokuto has forgiven him long ago, and Akaashi forgives himself now too.

“Yeah! And like this tree was just a tree last year, but now it’s the one I saw a cat in that looked like Kenma!” Bokuto beams.

They continue walking and Akaashi points at the water fountain. “This a year ago was just pretty architecture, but now it's the place I texted you at ungodly hours in the morning on New Years Eve.”

“Yeah you were up super early that day. Why?” Bokuto asks.

Akaashi shrugs. “I don’t know. My body woke up on it’s own and I decided to take a morning walk and texted you while I sat here drinking coffee.” Akaashi chuckles. “I almost asked you to run by here so I could see you.”

“You should have! I would’ve ran over!” Bokuto exclaims like he was convincing him to text him now.

“I know you would have Bokuto.” Akaashi smiles. 

They walk further into the park to the open field. “That’s the tree right?!” Bokuto asks Akaashi.

“I believe so, yes.” Akaashi laughs. “Where it all began.”

“Come on!” Bokuto grabs Akaashi’s wrist and rushes them both under the shade.

Akaashi laughs as he’s pulled by Bokuto. “Why are we running?” He says in his laughter.

Bokuto ignores the question solely focusing on the sound of Akaashi’s happiness. When they get under the tree Bokuto swings Akaashi in front of him and is met with bright turquoise eyes that are squinted from smiling. Bokuto repositions his hand from Akaashi’s wrist to Akaashi’s hand and bites on his bottom lip. He takes a steadying breath.

“Akaashi. I’ve only known you for a year, but I already know I want to be with you for the rest of my life. Seeing you at your highs and lows and all of the inbetweens. I’ve seen how strong you are, how hard you try, and just how much you’ve grown. I’ve loved you from the very start, but I can’t explain how incredible it is to see you loving yourself too.” Bokuto’s eyes water and his throat tightens, but he continues. “You started as the pretty boy that reads under the tree and have become the most important person to me. You’re my world. You always talk about how I support you, but you don’t see how much you support me. You don’t criticize me, you help me. You make me want to be more responsible so I can take care of you, even though I know you can take care of yourself.”

Akaashi raises his free hand to Bokuto’s shoulder. “Bokuto, where’s all this coming from?” Akaashi’s eyes are glassy.

Bokuto gives a wet chuckle. “The day I met you I began to forget a life without you. I wasn’t lying when I’ve told you that this past year. I love you Akaashi, and that will never change. So,” Bokuto moves his free hand to his jean pocket, “Akaashi, will you join me in this life and be my husband?” Bokuto kneels in the grass and opens the small black velvet box showcasing a golden band with a blue gemstone embedded into it.

_ I’d follow you anywhere _ .

“B-but we haven’t even d-dated Bokuto!” Akaashi panics. “Aren’t we doing this out of order?”

Bokuto laughs brightly. “There’s no order to feelings Akaashi!” Akaashi’s lip trembles. “I trust in us so much, I don’t have to date you to know I want to marry you and live the rest of my life with you.”

“H-how can you be so sure?” Akaashi asks. He doesn’t know why he’s asking all these questions. He just wants to leap over and kiss Bokuto.

“I don’t know, I just am.” Bokuto shrugs and smiles. “I guess you’ll just have to trust me.” The tears in Bokuto's eyes are gone, replaced with excitement. “Marry me Akaashi.”

Akaashi looks down at the man kneeling before him. His heart that has ached to be with him is pounding rapidly knowing it can finally be free. The man that has stayed by Akaashi’s side when he was cold and withholding, the one that held him together when he threatened to break into pieces, the one who makes him feel special and wanted. He looks into Bokuto’s round, golden eyes, but not for a lie. He looks simply because he finds Bokuto so beautiful when his eyes smile just as bright as the one on his face. 

Akaashi nods his head yes over and over. “Yes,” Akaashi breathes out and begins to cry. Bokuto slips the ring onto Akaashi’s slender finger and spins them around in a bone crushing hug. Their laughs bubble out from their chests as they start the rest of their lives together.

“I love you too, Bokuto.” 

They share a kiss under the tree where their eyes first met, where their love and trust will continue to grow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't plan on writing more chapters, but this is how I imagine everyone reacting to hearing about the engagement (outside of the regular congrats).  
> Oikawa- cannot stop saying shut up because he is so happy and excited for Akaashi  
> Suga- "I can't believe you guys got engaged before Daichi and me. I for sure thought our competition would have been Kenma and Kuroo."  
> Kuroo- "That big idiot. I told him that proposing would be too fast. Turns out Akaashi just can't say no to Bo."  
> Daichi- Seems super happy for them but is trying to hide the panic of how he'll ask Suga to marry him  
> Kenma- he took candid pictures of them in the park which was all part of Bokuto's plans  
> Asahi- he's a hopeless romantic so he'll keep asking Akaashi to tell him the story for about a month when he gets coffee at work  
> Noya- huge hype man. Can't stop talking about how excited he is for the wedding  
> Iwaizumi- he doesn't say much, but Bokuto catches him staring at his ring a lot at work  
> Akaashi's parents- confused bc he went from no friends to engaged in a year, but once they meet Bokuto they understand. Akaashi's mom absolutely adores Bokuto.  
> Bokuto's sisters- they had a bet for when they would start dating, but they couldn't fulfill the bet because technically they never dated  
> Bokuto's parents- when Akaashi tells the story of his first morning at Bokuto's apartment, Bokuto's mom cries of happiness bc her mug made her future-son-in-law feel better before she even knew about him


End file.
